Would you have another baby if one child didn’t want you to?

[MyPeachTiger]

I’d love to have another baby for various reasons. I already have 2 teens and a toddler. One teen would love another sibling but the other does not like children and would rather I didn’t.
She’s a typical teenager with the sulking at the moment, sometimes it feels like she rules the roost because of her meltdowns, I have to consider her feelings and needs but also surely I am allowed to consider mine too.
I know you have to take your other children into consideration when having another child, but has anyone here stopped because their child wanted them to? Do you believe it’s none of their business and their opinion shouldn’t change your mind? Are you for or against older children ‘controlling’ your wants?
Not intending this thread to be judgemental, id just like to hear from other mums with bigger families what you would/did do in this situation and if there were negative or positive ‘consequences’ to your choice.

I think it depends. Has she got valid or valid ish reasons to say no. Like does she have to do some childcare, will she have to share a room with a toddler, is money already stretched, does she struggle to get your time and attention as it is. In which case I’d say she’s definitely got valid points and it would be something to consider. I’d argue it’s not her vs you then though, or her controlling you or any of the other kind of ‘power struggle’ type things you’ve framed it in the op, it’s just deciding your own priorities.
if she gets loads of time with you, will keep her own room, there’s plenty of money and it won’t really effect her then I imagine that’s different. Will she tell you why she doesn’t want another sibling? That seems like it’s important

Thanks for replying. It wouldn’t affect her in the sense of needing to babysit, go without or share a room, I’d never expect that of a teen, or any child in fact. She doesn’t like children so she’s against anything child related, this seems to be her reason. Although she is great with her toddler brother. It may just be teen hormones but I wouldn’t want to upset any of my children, yet I’m entitled to live my life too, surely. It’s a hard one, time isn’t on my side either.

My sister is a step mum to a 13 year old boy, and has two much younger DC (3 and 6). Although the 13yo loves his siblings, there's no getting away from the fact that their household tends to revolve around the little ones - activities have to be family-friendly, there are toys and general kid mess everywhere, and it is quite rare that the 13yo gets any one on one time. 13yo is often being taken along to petting zoos and soft play centres etc which obviously is not really much fun for him.

He's also having a relatively tough time at secondary but his needs do often seem to come second to his younger siblings' needs (particularly the 6yo, who is currently being assessed for autism and has some behavioural challenges).

Anyway, all that to say that although my sis and BIL are great parents, it is tough being a much older sibling and I can sort of understand your teen's point of view. Although I think it's absolutely great that you're saying she won't need to share a bedroom or do babysitting, there's no getting round the fact that a new baby will take lots of your attention, and will shift the dynamics of the house a fair bit, so I can understand why she's not so keen.

Your children do not dictate your family planning. They are children not apart of the relationship between two adult parents. If their life will not change if you bring a new baby into the world then the decision is only for you and your partner and your children dont need to be involved or even like it. If your older kids arnt raising your younger kids, arnt responsible for their siblings besides the odd helping out here and there, then it has no concern to them. I have a large family, not ever have my children told me I cant have another baby in the home because my children know they will never have to be responsible for that child and their lives dont have to change to make room. If you want a baby and you can make it work and you dont need to rely on your older children to raise your younger children then go for it.

I have to also mention. I have grown adult children and teens with 2 toddlers. Some one above mentions that an older child gets dragged around to all the younger child's stuff and honestly thats not the case. My teens go to movies, putt putt, shopping trips, amusement parks, out for dinners, lunches, they go to their own parties, do weekend trips with their friends. And honestly we take the toddlers to join us and we all participate and have a great time or either I go and spend time with the older kids and hubby stays home with the younger ones or vice versa. No one misses out or gets left behind and we have an open door policy. If any of our kids needs us, needs our time or attention, needs to talk, all they have to do is come to us.

I think 3 is enough.
Do you have all girls?
Are you wanting a boy?

How will you divide your time with another child? Supporting teenagers through exam years is a big transition, they need to time and patience. How would you make sure your older ones have that support while meeting the physical needs of a baby and toddler? With all these children could you provide a calm quiet environment for exam study? These are all questions I’d be asking myself in your shoes.

the above is if all is smooth sailing with no complications. How would it work if you have pregnancy or butlers complications? What’s your partner like, is he going to more than do his share for you and all the children when needed?

if time and resources are limited it’s going to be your older dc that lost out every time.

This!!!
I wouldn't ask or worry about what they think.

She says in her OP that the child who doesn't want another sibling is a girl.

Maybe parents should consider their existing children more. So often parents just seem to ‘want another’, regardless of the impact. Isn’t three enough? You are just diluting your time and your resources every time. Maybe be happy with what you have?