Making peace with not having a 5th (c sections)

[CareBear17]

I just need to get this off my chest I suppose. Since I had baby 4 i’ve been thinking about just one more but all 4 were c sections. Consultant told me she didn’t see a surgical reason why I couldn’t have one more as my scar tissue was normal for 4 sections, all have gone well etc but did warn me about increased accreta risks and how it’s basically pot luck where placenta implants. Since that phone call I assumed we’d go for it.

However, over the last few days my anxiety has had me researching accreta and i’ve decided i won’t do it. I have 4 beautiful children who need me alive but also fit and well and the risks aren’t worth it. However, although i’ve made that decision I feel like i’m grieving. I look at my kids and can imagine one more with them and it hurts my heart.

I’m hoping this eases in time but for now, just needed to get it off my chest.

I don’t need to hear anything negative about big families and why having 5 wouldn’t be a good idea. It’s not about that, just about these sad feelings I’m experiencing.

It will pass.
I got very broody after number 4 but DH had already had a vasectomy so it wasnt an option.
I did feel sad the urge for number 5 was strong but it was probably hormonal and it did pass.
All DC are a blessing but the more you have the more time and energy required to support all their needs, trials and tribulations which continue even though my youngest is now just turned 18!
However if doctor is happy for you to have a 5th c section then im sure it would be fine if you went ahead, the complication is probably extremely rare.
However hormones such as they are will you get the same urge for number 6 if you had a 5th?

This probably isn’t helpful but have the 5th. I have 5 and all were born via c section. My last was very much unplanned but I found myself pregnant so went with it as a sign from the gods lol.
it turned out to be the easiest one to recover from too.

@Dutchhouse14 it’s rare but repeat c sections is a risk factor and it can be so dangerous that I’m just terrified. I just feel so sad about my decision because it’s not the decision I wanted to make.

I don’t think I’d get the same urge for number 6. I always said I wanted 4 but would have 5 if I hadn’t had to have c sections so I think my heart secretly always desired 5 and I just tried to squash it. Didn’t expect the urge to hit me so hard after a 4th.

@WhatALump glad to hear it all went well for you. I’d love to have the 5th but I just crippling anxiety over it. No matter how many positive stories I read all I can remember are the scary ones

I get this OP. I would love to have another (actually I wanted 6), but I have a medical condition that means that although there is nothing stopping me getting pregnant again, it would be very dangerous. I try and focus on the children I already have but it’s hard feeling that your home isn’t complete. Especially as we are part of a community with a lot of large families. Solidarity.

@WandaPlaza I’m sorry you feel this way too 🩵

I understand the sadness, but it might be good to look at the positives, of being healthy and having 4 healthy children who you can raise. I know someone who had that worse case scenario happen and it sounded so incredibly stressful, fortunately both she and baby survived although with a big NICU stay. That's a lot of stress on the whole family.

@Eenameenadeeka This is what I’m trying very hard to focus on. I know I’m so lucky to have what I do. I just feel sad. It’s like the decision has been taken away from me because of my past c sections and it’s hard to come to terms with.

I think perhaps you need to recognise that the choice isn’t being taken from you… you’re making the decision. You’re literally assessing the dangers and saying no, this is not worth it. Sit with that decision for a while and maybe you’ll realise that it’s a choice that you are making. The sadness might fade a bit when you recognise that you’re the person in charge here.

@HarvestMouseandGoldenCups I think i’ll get there. I’m trying to look at it that way but I’m a little ‘head and heart’ at conflict with it right now. I’m trying to just accept the feelings as they are at the moment and letting it hurt so I can work through it.

@WhatALump can I ask, how your 5th pregnancy went?

was there anything mentioned about scar tissue etc before?

Apparently I’m really not able to make peace with this

Of course, my pregnancy went really well. After my 4th they didn’t say anything about not trying again, I hadn’t ever had issues with adhesions or scar tissue and each section had been pretty straightforward.
I had moved house and therefore hospital between 4 and 5 and the new hospital were a bit shocked that nothing had been said to me and I think at that time they had never had anyone have more than 3 so they were quite apprehensive about the whole thing.
in the lead up they made sure to book me in on a day when the top 2 obstetricians could be there to do the operation, everything went to plan, other than one obstetrician cutting into the hand of the other one by mistake 😬
At that point they started panicking that I might have hiv or syphillis or something but otherwise it was the easiest one to recover from. I was up and about in less than 6 hours walking up and down the ward.

@WhatALump no one said anything to me either. I did decide to ask when baby was about 6 weeks old and consultant said nothing in my notes that suggested to her I shouldn’t. I do have scar tissue but normal amount for the number of sections I have. I’m just so anxious over it all but at the same time have such a desire for one more.

My 4 previous have all been very straightforward too and i’ve recovered well.

Eek about the cutting though! that’s quite something 🤦🏼‍♀️

glad to hear your recovery went so well. I think in my head i’ve turned 5 into some awful, dangerous thing where I’m certain to have complications so nice to know it can be just as straightforward as the others.