Those from large families

[CareBear17]

How was your childhood? Do you get on with siblings as adults? Do you wish you’d had less siblings?

We have 4, I’d love one more but feel I’ve read so much negativity around big families that I worry it’s detrimental to them. To the point that the last few days I’ve even started feeling guilty about having 4 (though of course I wouldn’t change it! I love them all and our little life). I’m just a chronic overthinker and let these things get in my head

I'm one of five. I'm closer to one than all the others, but I don't resent anyone/feel left out/etc (I did a bit when I was younger but not now). Mostly it was great to have ready-made people to do stuff with. We didn't do everything together but someone usually wanted to play with me. DM never had a huge amount of time for us growing up, and I did feel that a bit (she also worked PT). I'm not massively close to 3 of the 4 siblings, but we do chat when we meet up (about 1-2 times a year) and I think it's really good to have more siblings when anything bad happens in the family. DM got brain cancer during Covid and we all pulled together and it was really comforting that none of us (including DM) were alone through that.

I'm one of 5 and frankly it was pretty awful. I accept that families and parents are all different and what works for some may not work for another etc etc.. I hated never being able to get my mother's full attention and my older siblings bullied me for years, they were really unpleasant. My father was nasty and obviously hadn't wanted children in the first place. I so envied my friends who were only children. I'm now NC with my whole family..

I have 6 oldest is 35 and youngest 24 and I’m not saying it wasn’t hard but no one was left out and they have all flown the nest and have their own families . My 2 sons are very close as have shared interests but the others rub along nicely and I know if any of them needed help they would all be there .

I’m going to be really honest here. I was the youngest of 5 and ruined everything, my siblings were all high achieving well behaved and easy but then I came along and was the problem child.
I think my parents were too old to handle me and just ended up frustrated and stressed, I now know I have autism and ADHD but they didn’t know then or understand it they just found it all too much, I was the cause of so much frustration and eventually I was behind all the arguments that led to their divorce and subsequently all the resentment that followed it.
My parents were loving and supportive for the other 4 until I came along and broke them and the only way they seemed able to control me was by smacking and locking me in my room out the way so the rest of the family could get some relief.
I don’t think they would have had me if they could go back in time.
And no I’m not close to any of my siblings.

I got my comeuppance through as I had 2 nt children who are placid and easy and now I have a daughter with ADHD and autism who can be just us challenging and it’s really hard on the other two and our marriage.
I love her dearly but life has changed so much for all of us and there’s no doubting we were all happier before.

I was 1 of 5. It was awful so I’m in the “don’t recommend” category. To be fair my parents were not the types of people who should have had 5 children but I really don’t think that number of children is easy to provide adequate emotional input to even if you are more “maternal/paternal” than my parents were.

I hated it, I do not care how nice people are you just do not get time with your parents one to one. Plus resources are always stretched further, it’s simple economics. We all get on to varying degrees, I’m very close to 2 sisters, 1 other is very lovely but much older and I do not know her well, I wouldn’t piss on the other one if she was ion fire. My brother was also fine, has sadly died now. As DH says with your family it’s like crown control. My finest en masse sister moment was negotiating a discount in to a nightclub because who can say no to 5 sisters.

@glendabrownlow sorry that happened to you, I get the attention thing 100%. I had one full day out with my Mother solo in my childhood, that was it.

I had one full day out with my Mother solo in my childhood, that was it.

Mine was a single afternoon aged 13 where she bought me my first ever not previously owned clothes. I still remember it to this day because of how unique the experience was.

A family member has more kids than we grew up with and she is exactly the same, basically no opportunity for one on one with children and she is very much about being a mother.

It just isn’t possible with this amount of children.

Seeing the dynamics in that family from the outside always reminds me of how parental desire and behaviour really impacts the tone of family life.

My older sisters were absolutely relentless in making sure that I got pushed out , and this was from my birth, so it's not like they got to know me and then hated me. They used to tell nasty half-truths to our mother about me in order to anger her, and then stand watching when she had a go at me. Not saying I was perfect when I was a kid, but I understand now why I used to steal from her purse (actually someone on MN was writing about it when the 'penny dropped' no pun intended). I stole in order to have something of my mother.

I’m one of 4, my husband is one of 8 and we both loved it. We gave 4 together and my husband has 2 more from his previous marriage. Our siblings all have children so there are almost 50 cousins for our lot. So much fun!

I'm the oldest of ten, it was tricky sometimes and I would never have TEN. There was never enough space or money, and it was chaotic. None of us got as much one on one attention from our parents as we would in a family of two kids but we had each other and still do. It was not lonely. I love all my siblings so much, and am actually closest in some ways to the ones I was old enough to help with/ hold when they were babies. People on Mnet always say that teens are not interested in babies or will hate having them around, but I never felt that way - when you're a hormonal teen or tween who's having a bad day or fell out with a friend there's nothing like cuddling a baby or getting a big hug and smile from a toddler to make you feel loved. My kids have awesome aunts and uncles and five cousins already. Our family get togethers are so fun. I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't actually think four is that many. Five is when it started to feel a bit crazy, is what I remember lol. I want three because two feels like too few to me, I used to want five, then I found out what pregnancy is actually like 😁for me anyway.

I'm youngest of 6 on my mums side, it was great, and I enjoyed it. I clashed repeatedly for years with older sister (7 years) who was closest in age to me. I did feel a bit left out growing up. While we've all had our issues, streaming from complicated childhoods, I'd say we all get on well.

My DH is eldest of 4. I wouldnt say he's particularly close with siblings, though they have a good relationship. Similarly they've had their challenges to get this point where they're cordial not to mention complicated childhoods. He also is the only one that has kids which affects their ability to relate being in different phases of life.

I have 4 sisters. I liked being from a bigger family but what I hated is that I'm 27 and they're 20, 18 and 16. It was always the 3 of them together while I felt really alone cause I had no one close to my age. They've always been really close and I really wish there wasn't such a big age gap between me and them, I hated it. Even now we're not really close, I'm hoping that maybe in 10 years it'll be different as we would be in more similar life stages.

Because of my experience I had 3 kids in less than 3 years. But I'm now pregnant again and kids will be 7, 6 and nearly 5 when this one is here. It was not really planned. I'm really hoping that because this baby will be the youngest and not the oldest it might be different. I would 100% have a 5th baby with a really close age gap again but right now DH doesn't want to. Hoping he changes his mind though.

Im one of 6 and hated it! It was awful. Would have been an only child if I had my wish.

My husband and I are both from big (double digit or close to) families and we loved it. I doubt we’ll have that many ourselves as pregnancy hasn’t been easy for me but we’re really close to our parents and siblings and have happy childhood memories. He was near the top and I was youngest so very different experiences but both good!

(the best part right now is the amount of cousins my children have. 50+ first cousins, many living nearby, they’re a really fun group)

I’m the youngest of five - the eldest is 10 years older but I never really knew the older three until we were adults as they went to boarding school because we lived remotely. The next one up from me and I used to fight with a LOT, which must have driven mum crazy, but he is the one I’m closest to now. My DCs don’t have cousins near their age as they were all teens when they were born, which is a shame.

One of six, 3 brothers, 2 sisters. We all get along however I am closest to oldest sister, 16 years older than me. We lived rurally and had lots of inside and outside space. I agree on the individual time with parents was none existent, but if I had been an only one I think it would have been the same, just who my parents were basically. I've had four kids, it's been great and wouldn't change a thing, we are all very close and enjoy spending time together. They are young adults now and have moved out but I tend to speak to them every day or see them every week/fortnight.

Im youngest of 4 and LOVE it. I’m mid 30’s and my oldest sister is mid 40’s with 2 sisters between us. I’ve lived out of my home town for well over 10 years and see them monthly at a minimum, they obviously see eachother more regularly though. We all have a what’s app group with my mum & communicate on there most days as well as speaking direct to eachother whenever. I have never felt like I missed out and had plenty of attention from my older sisters, mum, nans, dad etc. My mum was a single parent working full time too, I don’t know how she did it to be honest! I wouldn’t trade having all my sisters for anything.

Yes I'm actually one of the few that would have loved being an only child.

Seems I'm in the minority on here though.

my mother is 1 of 5. oldest uncle is a loner (his choice, suspected undiagnosed autism) twin uncles are close to each other but not in regular contact with anyone else all is civil apart from with me, i went nc with them years ago as they are very selfish and self absorbed (different tax bracket which is good for them, but they like to show off and offer no help even to their elderly and infirm parents or when one of their sisters had cancer and very little money) and mum and auntie are very close. i think it is personality dependent, like most things in life. i also know a family of 14 who are in each other's pockets and very very close.

I hated my childhood. It was horrible being 1 of 6. Ridiculous really to have so many. It’s quite lonely actually because you feel pushed aside by your parents your entire childhood.
As adults we dislike each other intensely.

I'm one of six kids OP. So many factors to consider which changes perspective, for example I'm number 4 and my experience is different to the youngest who is 8 years younger than me. She got a lot more attention and material things when we went to university. She was the only one that my dad paid for driving lessons for and he bought her, her first car. They had a bit more money after the first 4 of us had left home. I shared a room with 3 of my sisters. We didn't have much growing up and we did fight and argue (I was quiet and sensitive and definitely felt the brunt of some of my older siblings more dominant personalities). At times I hated it! It was crowded and I often stayed over at friends houses as a teenager to escape and get attention. That being said I have lovely memories of my childhood too and all 6 of us get on pretty well now and enjoy hanging out with eachother and our kids. I wouldn't change it now but I didn't appreciate it as a child.