Going from 2 to 4

[Outside9]

Just looking for advice and perspective really, though I imagine not many people have been in this position. I have two kids, 3.5yrs and 18 months.

Long story short we were on fence about having a 3rd, but decided to take the leap. Had the 12week scan 5days ago; my husband joked before I left "don't tell me if its twins" - so was a big shock to discover this is exactly what we're having.

I sobbed like a baby for few days as clearly this is more than we bargained for. Doubling the number of children we have. Our kids are very young, we own a 2bed house which will be very cramped in 6 months, and one baby is hard - I'm not sure how we'll function with '4 under 5' (i.e. two newborns, a 23 month and 4 year old).

On a positive note, its a lower risk twin pregnancy (DCDA), we are financially stable, and our kids sleep through night and share a room. However we'll obviously need a new car and house, though I don't think we'll be ready to move for a couple years.

I guess any advice, insights, appreciated. We don't have any twins in our family so this is unchartered territory on many fronts.

Well the twins will sleep in your room for at least six months won't they. Is there room for two babies in your room? After they are too big for your room, yes, you'll need to move, extend, or get bunk beds or some other clever sleeping arrangement to get four in one room.

If you are financially stable can you afford a larger car? I would buy it before the twins arrive if you can.

Long term, it will be fine. Short term, it might be a bit grim. Will you take a full year's mat leave? What family support have you got locally?

@SmaugTheMagnificent

I've been looking at twin travel cots, which could fit in my room I think, though it might e a little tight. I suppose during the day they could sleep in kids room while they're in nursery.

We can afford a used car. I'm not really sure what would be practical, maybe a Peugeot 5008, though it will be expensive.

I agree, 6 months onwards we are probably looking at a bunk bed to accommodate all 4. I will probably take the full year, or at least until 9 months when the funded childcare hours kicks in.

I haven't had much family support with my first two. I'm youngest of 6, so my mum and siblings are much older and well past the stage of caring for babies. However, I think 2 sisters will try to help with my older child as she's pretty independent. No support on dad's side.

We will eventually move, but I don't think its wise to take on a bigger mortgage at a time our income will be reduced due to maternity leave. So gonna have to try and bear with our current setup for now.

Big changes for your family coming up. Thats a lot and can understand your feelings of being overwhelmed. I think for now your housing situation is fine, all the kids are young and you can put them in one room and make it work, its when they are teenagers is where your going to run into issue where your needing more space so id say you have a couple of years before you need to locate to a larger house. I would more concentrate on making sure your prepared for twins with a bigger car, travel systems and where they are going to sleep and then buckle up and prepare for the newborn survival mode. My advice is to make it through the pregnancy and get those babies and yourself home in good health and worry about the rest when its time to worry about. As long as your able to leave the house with every body safely for appointments or to get out for a walk or to go to a park then everything else will come later.

I don’t have experience of this, but I have four children that were all wanted. It can be chaos, but it’s also alot of fun and they have excellent relationships. I am very organised, which means I can be a relaxed parent and be patient and available as much as possible. (Important when there are 4!)
We do have a 5 bed house which helps, but I’ve friends in 3 beds with 4 and they cope. There are lots of good 7 seater cars on the second hand market. I would consider a van if you can afford it! We’ve long outgrown the Ford galaxy!!

This post absolutely nails everything! Congrats OP! I’m sure it’s daunting right now but the joy they both will bring to your family will be immense. Hope you have a happy healthy pregnancy and birth! X

Just wanted to say this is great advice and put things into perspective. The more I research the more I realise I'll just need to be happy/ thankful we all make it home in one piece are healthy. I'm not crying as much now so reality is setting in.

Thanks to all other posters for encouragement

Im so glad your not crying so much now. Please keep us updated and you have all of our support and thoughts. Sometimes in the hard days just a shoulder to cry on can be useful. I really hope you have amazing friends and family support around you who can physically come and help with the demands of two babies.

Congratulations! Big news indeed!
I can relate a little but not to the extent of twins. I am due my 4th soon and by then I will have a 19/20month old, 3.5 year old and a just turned 5 year old. Ahhh!! Chaos!

From a practical point of view, I can advise a Peugeot 5008 will be too small and won’t accommodate 4 isofix car seats. We already have this car and will be changing to a bigger car shortly.

Have you thought about prams yet? I guess you would need all 4 in the pram in some sort of configuration? Or else make lots of use of slinging newborns and swap around?

Kids can live in small spaces (as they are small themselves!), but you might feel a bit cramped
in but you will manage. Do you have a garden to send the older 2 outside when you need a breather during the day? Having open plan living is a life changer for us and makes things easier to manage when your hands are full but you can still keep an eye. Stair gates, extra locks of doors will help you control the older 2
to certain spaces if you don’t have open plan living.

You can manage in your current space, just use clever storage and declutter regularly and you will be fine.

@Bumblebeehee you're asking all the right questions!

Well I think we'll use a sling/people carrier, which might help walking around. But I expect we'll be pretty immobile first few months. My 3.5 year old is pretty good with walking or being carried, we have a stroller for the younger one. But I think we'll need a double pram/ stroller. I'm just gonna buy one second hand I think.

What car are you thinking to get? I think the 5008 might still work. We'd have 3 in 2nd row isofix. And probably use the belt to lock in oldest child in the 6th seat. Not ideal, but could work for now? We also have a round car (Renault captur) that has 3 isofixes (passenger and two at the back) - this could be used as a run around to drop older 2 at school and nursery when DH is available.

We have a good size garden that the kids can run around endlessly which we've also made child friendly. We've gone this far without stairs gates, but don't think we'll be able to avoid them any longer haha.

I think you're right. We could possibly manage for now and explore moving after my maternity leave ends. How have people reacted to the fact you're having a 4th?

I’m still trying to figure out the stroller situation too for when I’m on my own doing the school run etc. I was looking at an Out n about double as you can attach a front ride on for the older one. We already have a Joie double but I find it too hard to monovere which would be worse if I’m carrying a baby in a sling. I think my criteria is a pram I can push with one hand. You might find you will do more things like your errands when the older 2 are in nursery so you will be more mobile on your own? I found this when my youngest was a baby so then I only needed my single stroller.

The reason why we are getting a bigger car is because when you have 3 isofix car seats in the second row you can’t get to the back row from the second row without taking out a car seat (and if it’s an isofix like ours it’s utter faff), you can only get to the 6th or 7th seat via the boot which has to be emptied each time, therefore you can’t have much in there and would need a roof rack. We hadn’t really considered this until we needed to give others a lift. So we are looking at a VW Multivan type car, we might keep the 5008 for running around.

So far people have been quite happy for our news. We manage quite well with our 3 so I think they think we’ll be fine, We haven’t gone beyond telling close family and friends yet, somehow I have been hiding it but probably can’t go on much longer, it’s quite obvious, I will be telling people at work next week and I am sure there will be eye rolling as I am not that long back from maternity leave. Part of me thinks I have worked there 12 years and this is only a snippet in my life like a career break (but without the break!!).

I just remembered one of my friends had twins within 12 months of her eldest so essentially had 3 babies. There is a charity (I don’t know the name) that can help parents with twins or triplets, she said it was amazing! She got help when her husband was at work. Have a look to see if this is of interest to you.

I totally get where you are at. We had 6 and 4 year olds then twins on the way.
They had a moses basket each for downstairs but shared a cot in our room for 6 months.
You will find a way.
Congratulations x

Had four in less than three years. It was a lot of babies for the first bit, but it has worked out well. I was living in a two-bed until the oldest was five, and it was verrrrrry cramped! Glad we moved. Should be fine until they reach the age where they need their independence in their own rooms.