Four children… all the stories!

[babyboybluex]

We have openly spoken about our love for another baby and are currently not preventing a pregnancy happening. The past few days I’ve been tasting iron in my mouth, very veiny boobs and now today all the nausea. I’ve done a test and there is a faint line (11dpo).

I will leave the testing until Monday but would love to read stories on life with four children. For context, our three are under 5.

❤️

Following this as we are ttc our 4th. Anyone we tell we would love a 4th (my 3 dc are under 4) think we are crazy. But I find these comments rude and I don’t understand why people say this. We have the financial means and mental space for another and I feel other people who aren’t think we are making a bad decision, does anyone get this too? Good luck OP.

We had 4 under 6. We now have 4 under 13, so a few years down the track from where you are now, and I wouldn't change it.

So long as you are up for everything that comes with your entire lifestyle being all about the children, it's great.

On the other hand, if you are looking forward to carving out bits of time to get your own life back, don't do it.

I have 4. I love it. Highly recommend

Im genuinely interested. Do you have time to go to the gym or go for a run (if you are into that, or something equivalent?)
Do you work part time for example but want to work full time? I’m interested to know if there is any capacity with this?
im totally all about my kids and have given up a
lot, happy for this to continue but I am only human and probably will want a bit of more regular ‘me time’ in the future. Surely there is a bit of downtime when they are at school?
Eseentially, what are the sacrifices a few years down the line? I only ask I’m I am in the midst of baby/ toddler years. Thanks

Had 5 under 12 at one point all same family (i.e. not blended), youngest now 20, oldest 27. Both of us working full time. What is good: You are like a little tribe, family values are high, sharing is inevitable, "you get what you get and you don't get upset", there are some economies of scale (had a nanny, cheaper than childcare), they have a good laugh when they are all older and together "do you remember the time when......" they are not "spoilt" or "entitled" Bad points: You cannot indulge, you have to do things on the cheap, you have to buy a bigger car, some weeks are dreadful (norovirus for ALL in one week is a particular low point). They probably don't get the extra-curricular that others get, you have to constantly "be fair", and sometimes, as adults, they don't like each other as much as you thought they might (although I have noticed when the chips are down they close ranks !). It is very tiring, but also rewarding. x

Thanks everyone. Such great advice and lovely words 🥰

Its hard work with 4 - non-stop. I feel like i spend my life making dinners and cleaning up - and always getting things ready for the next day.

My children often get on great - and often there is screaming, fighting, hitting!

Despite the hard work i wouldnt change things….maybe i’m mad.

I often say to my husband, that line from father Ted - Mrs Doyle ‘maybe i like the misery’.

Hahaha! That Mrs Doyle quote really sums up our lives with 5 children 😁 wouldn't change it for the world though even when it feels like we're drowning in laundry.
Go for it OP, large families are awesome!

I have 5 and i love it. Apart from the laundry and the admin. In fact if i could outsource the boring stuff like laundry, dishes, nagging them to do homework and trying to work out when you can fit in the dentist so it doesn't clash with anything else i would happily have 10 children.

i always say families are like paddling pools. The big ones are more exciting but they are also more work.

I had five. A lot depends on the strength of your relationship, your finances, and the individual baby you end up with.

You do sacrifice. The biggest one is the career as very few can afford childcare for a larger family. It's not a small detail. Be careful that your H has life insurance and that you'll have a pension a few decades from now.

I have 9. I had 4 under 5.5 yrs when my 4th was born. Looking back it was an enormous amount of work. It's definitely easier now the first 4 are adults! (I still have 8 at home). Having them close together in age is easier though than spread apart. My last is 4 yrs younger than the next sibling and more like an only imo!

Just found this thread. Would love a 4th (mine are 4, 2 and 0) but am very put off by the idea of having to tell anyone about it. The reactions to baby three were bad enough. I know I should block it out but I think both sides of the family and essentially everyone I know would be negative, despite us having the money and the space and not relying on anyone for childcare.

As long as you can afford it. My friend has 4 and they are the most gorgeous family and the kids are great - a little team. I’m envious (in a very happy way for them !) but my DH was conscious of increased costs beyond 2. Needing bigger house, bigger cars, more expensive hols etc.

I had four under five, my youngest is disabled. Very and profoundly. It’s the hardest and most miserable thing I’ve ever had to do and will keep doing until I die. And then I will be leaving her unprotected.
so there’s that.

@Mumrant123 yup DH and I are a team and have always given each other down-time to excerise /go out with friends.

Yes, it's much easier in some ways now, obviously the children go to school and are a lot more self-sufficient, don't need many things to be done for them, or to be watched all the time. I have enough time for work and pretty much anything else I want to do, within reason.

However, they have homework, parents evenings, training, music practise, camps, performances, tournaments etc etc social lives - heaps of things to keep track of all the time.

Also, and more importantly, although toddlers and babies take up a lot of air time, all the time, older children and teenagers also need a lot of attention /keeping track of. They don't need/want you all the time like little kids do, but you need to be available for them /aware of what they're up to, in a completely different way.

When they are little you physically need eyes in the back of your head, when they are older, you need emotional eyes everywhere.

The job does keep changing, but it doesn't stop.

I thought I wrote this myself! Maybe we should just keep our private thoughts to ourselves. Who cares what others think. It’s what makes you and your family happy that matters.

Congratulations, OP! I have no stories to add, but would love four children of my own one day 😊

Have 4, all close in age, all now adults.
Never regretted it for a single second, but had always wanted a big family, as did my husband. We both came from very small families and loved the hustle and bustle of our busy household.
Sacrificed my professional career, although I did work part time. No regrets, would do the same again. We felt that something had to give and we were and are, a strong partnership.

Mine are 18, 15, 10 and 8. It's been tough at times but lots of fun. Your family is your whole life, everything is about them. Be prepared for that. It's all consuming. The laundry, the various clubs, ferrying them around. Driving lessons etc.

I’m pregnant with my fourth and will have 4 under 5.5 when baby is born. I’ve loved having 3 but finding being pregnant with three very young children very hard work. I work part time but find juggling that alongside everything else very difficult. Today I’m thinking I must have lost my mind having a fourth!

I have 4. The oldest was 7 when the youngest was born. I have to be honest, I do find it very hard work. Our world has become very small, as we juggle all of the personalities and responsibilities of each child. We can’t do the things with the younger ones that we did with the older ones as there are just too many, and the whole thing becomes a circus.

There’s always somewhere to be, or something that needs to be done. It can be chaotic, and that’s not an environment I thrive in.

I think I run a tight ship, as I like things to be calmer, quieter and quite organised. But still, things very quickly and easily spiral out of control.

My children do a lot of extra curricular activities as I feel very guilty that they might miss out, due to being part of a larger family.

We never go to anyone’s house, as they don’t want all of us. Similarly, the thought of having other people over is overwhelming sometimes, as the added mess, stress and chaos can be too much for me (some friends are ok, as they parent similarly to me, but others, no).

I don’t work, which can be lonely, and boring (despite always doing stuff!).

I do go to a trainer during the week, but bring the children with me.

All that being said, I’ve done a number of half marathons (and on my way to doing a full one) since the youngest has come along so, we have made time for doing ‘things’.

But, aside from that, we have very little time to ourselves (no family help or support whatsoever).

They are all lovely though, and I do appreciate how lucky I am to have them.

But, I have not found the jump from 3-4 easy. And I really, really resent it when people say ‘oh after 3 it’s easy’… for me, it definitely hasn’t been!

I have 4 at one time they were a 5 year old 2 year old twins and a newborn. I was very lucky that none of them were velcro babies and quite easy going. We had to get a bigger car. They are in their 20s now. The only thing nowadays is that parents seem to think their kids have to do loads clubs weekday and weekend activities at a very young age. Mine mainly just did after school clubs. So didn't have to do loads of running around after them.