Is my son being left out by family?

[CelticDaddy]

I’m pretty new to this so you will have to bear with me whilst I try to navigate, but as of recently myself and my wife have been starting to feel as though our son is being less favoured by his grandparents (my parents) and various other family members for something simple as, barely any photos of him being taken on family day trips. Our son is 3 months old and my younger brother (who I feel has always been the golden child and doted upon by mum and dad even now at the age of 27…) has a 6 month old, so having cousins with a 3 month age gap has been a blessing but also quite a task with it feeling like a constant battle for who gets the most attention. My wife is still on maternity so occasionally meets up with my mum, my younger sister and my brothers fiancée (mother to the 6 month old), and told me today that after a day trip to a local farm, had noticed odd behaviours from them all, notably that she felt ignored by them and left on her own, and when photos came through on our family group chat, it appeared that out of 150 photos taken, only 15 of them were my son with the majority of 80+ being of our nephew. When I confronted my family about this I was told that I’m a jealous person and the reason my son doesn’t have many photos taken of him is because and I quote: “he sleeps all day and doesn’t do much so why would we?”…are we overthinking this? Or are we both completely valid to be feeling a little deflated and hurt? Bearing in mind this hasn’t been the first time this has cropped up about lack of photos taken with our son and his family, and various other disagreements in the past ( such as them all jetting off to Spain without us…), but it is now starting to become apparent in our minds that there is a tad bit of favouritism going on, we could be wrong, but every time we approach the subject with family, our feelings are shot down, we’re called names and we’re left feeling very isolated. I’ve now regrettably fallen out with my sister after she told me that my son rightly won’t have loads of photos taken of him because all he does is sleep, my mum was also in agreement and his age now keeps being used against him which I think is an excuse. Some kind words of wisdom or reassurance to know we’re potentially not alone in this would be grand.

Honestly this is not something worth falling out with people over.
150 pictures of babies in a group chat is batshit.
just try and enjoy these early years and don’t get too wound up by photos etc

It can happen but I really wouldn’t be too bothered about it.

My DS is hugely left out by the extended family due to the age difference between him and his cousins. He’s 4 and his youngest cousin is 19.

The adult cousins have had extremely high levels of support throughout their lives from GP and it continues into adulthood. My DS gets virtually nothing.

The reason is they feel they’ve been through the GP stage and don’t want to do it all again.

Obviously you don’t have that age gap but you are second to arrive and maybe they’ve just got used to life with the younger GC first.

Honestly I wouldn’t stress over it. Whatever support or attention you do or don’t get, you’ll settle into a lifestyle that suits you, your partner and your DC. If that involves less wider family involvement then so be it. I certainly wouldn’t be looking to force anything though. That just ends in grief for all parties.

Stop counting photos! There may be favouritism going on, but I think its too early to tell. I often take photos of kids I know. Some days its more of one, some days its more of the other(s). This is entirely depends on the images I can capture and what the kids are up to in any given moment.

Are people missing there's only a 3 month age gap?! What's a 6 month old doing much differently? Jazz hands?
Sounds like golden child has transferred to golden nephew. What was your sister's role in the dynamic? Are you the eldest?
Do you normally get on with your sister?
To make peace with her, I'd simply blame it on sleep deprivation or precious first born.
But your wife I'd be more protective of. If she feels unwelcome, I'd encourage her to spend less time with them.
What are your in-laws like?
Also what was the excuse for leaving you out of a joint holiday? Did all side of your family go?

Weird how defensive they got, isn't it? And rather than acknowledge that they'd been more focused on your nephew, they turned it into a criticism of your son. And no apology either, im guessing?

See how the next few months unfold, but if you see a pattern of favouritism being established (and it certainly looks like this is happening) it might be best to limit contact. Your family sound unpleasant.

But a 6 month old is sitting up looking at things, reacting. With a 3 month old you are basically taking pictures of a pram!

Agree with this. Days and weeks can make a difference at this age! I’ve got a 9m old and she is completely different and does way more now than at 6m.

I think it seems wild bringing this up to be honest. First grandchild definitely gets more spoiled and then it gradually decreases as time goes on & more children are born. My first nephew was so spoiled and my first child wasn’t born until 8 years later. I don’t think we even got a card when we had our second. Life’s busy as it is, never mind counting pictures etc. They do say comparison is the thief of joy don’t they!

I’m the eldest out of my siblings, my sister is heavily involved with her nephews and we know she loves our little boy, but at times when my wife has attended little events with them all she comes back saying she felt as though little attention was given to our son compared to her other nephew, when we questioned this we were told “well the other one is doing more”, which I feel is a cop out answer but judging from the other comments on this thread perhaps we are reading too much into it? It’s hard to tell. My sister and I never argue this is probably our second fight in 5 years lol. The joint holiday was a weird one, it was mentioned as a passing conversation and everyone at the time said a provisional yes were interested including us but at the time no one had any money so my wife and I said let us know later in the future and we’ll save some funds, next thing we know 5 months later they’re suddenly talking about Spain and going and we’re like sorry? “Oh yeah we’re all going to Spain”…my in laws were close ish with but they emotionally support by throwing money at you rather than wanting to see our son. We’re starting to think maybe it’s us that’s the problem lol.

I’m the eldest out of my siblings, my sister is heavily involved with her nephews and we know she loves our little boy, but at times when my wife has attended little events with them all she comes back saying she felt as though little attention was given to our son compared to her other nephew, when we questioned this we were told “well the other one is doing more”, which I feel is a cop out answer but judging from the other comments on this thread perhaps we are reading too much into it? It’s hard to tell. My sister and I never argue this is probably our second fight in 5 years lol. The joint holiday was a weird one, it was mentioned as a passing conversation and everyone at the time said a provisional yes were interested including us but at the time no one had any money so my wife and I said let us know later in the future and we’ll save some funds, next thing we know 5 months later they’re suddenly talking about Spain and going and we’re like sorry? “Oh yeah we’re all going to Spain”…my in laws were close ish with but they emotionally support by throwing money at you rather than wanting to see our son. We’re starting to think maybe it’s us that’s the problem lol.

I can relate to your post for several reasons.

I've learned to accept that people will not adore, love and support your child by virtue of their existence - and that's okay. Sometimes relatives will show preferential treatment, which will sometimes result in your exclusion.

Yes, this is disappointing and hurtful - but doesn't take away from the fact you are blessed to have a beautiful healthy child and a growing family. They're YOUR priority - no elses.

Make peace with that asap, and accept people where they are. Trust me, nothing you do will improve things.

I hear you this sounds unpleasant but I’m going to play devils advocate here. From what I can see it may come across like you and your wife may be a bit attention seeking, of course it is your first child and he is special but you are not the only first time parent.
I’m afraid your child wasn’t the first grandchild either so he will have less attention than the first. I’m sorry this is the way it is, it’s similar to the less and less attention you get when you have subsequent children.
your family haven’t developed a bond (yet) with your child as he is young, this will come in time and maybe they may be better with toddlers.

Theres a line here where you say to your family how you are feeling but then not too much as you may come across like a nag and attention seeking.

Do you really want to fall out over this? Life is too short, your child will
be the one who loses out, not you!

You baby is three months old so not so interesting or into social communication.
Wait until both kids are trotting about playing.
You are being unreasonable. Most people take pictures of their own kids too.
Why did your wife not take pictures of your little one at the farm and post those?