Returning to work after mat leave. What hired help do you have if you both work full time?

[Fourlovelychildren]

I have six month old twins who are our surprise 3rd and 4th babies. Our eldest is nearly six and going into Year One in September, and we also have a just turned 2 year old.

I returned to work after the first two easily, working from home, initially three days a week and gradually working up to working five days in four. My job is very flexible and mostly outcomes measured so no one is watching the clock on me meaning I could do school pick ups once or twice a week without any impact. Eldest child is very sensible and happily entertains herself for an hour or so after school if I still need to work.

DH has a very flexible job too and some weeks WFH full time, others he’s out and about a bit more. He tends to drop the middle child off at nursery just after 8am and pick her up about 5:30. She goes five days a week.

I’m due to go back to work at some point in the autumn/winter, I haven’t quite decided when. The twins are signed up to do four days a week at nursery.

I need to work full time, we would miss the money if I didn’t. We are both high earners and although we don’t have any debt other than our mortgage, we are very financially motivated and spend and save very carefully for the children’s future.

I just can’t see how we are going to juggle everything when I go back to work. I spend all my spare time on housework, laundry, life admin. This mat leave has been a bit dull, getting out with the twins has been difficult so it’s not been coffees, cakes, and baby groups, it really has just felt like I’m running around constantly doing things. And the house is never clean and tidy anyway!

Can anyone relate and do you have any advice? My current thought is to go back to work Monday-Friday and the three youngest do full time nursery, eldest does after school club three times a week and DH & I commit to one day a week each where we pick her up from school and take her to any activities she has one or for an ice cream or whatever.

But when will we find time to do the household tasks? I’m not against hiring some help but I don’t know what we’d be looking for? Plus we don’t have a huge budget so we need best bang for our buck. What works for you?

Not that I can offer any advice but I am in a similar predicament as you.
I have 3 - all under 4 with very close age gaps and I’ll be going back to work from mat leave in a few months. I was full time 5 days in 4 before I left.
I have somehow managed to get part time working 3 days per week via using up my accrued annual leave for about 3 months, this is when I initially go back. Are you able to do anything like this to help work out what you need? It means you don’t lose our financially and can work out your new routine.
Then I’ll be on an official short term part time contract trial for another few months. I have opted to trial it so I can increase or reduce the hours if I need.
My DH works flexible and earns well but he goes away a few days at a time so I’m on my own a lot. He helps a lot when he is home though.

anyways that’s the back story (don’t know if that is relevant or not!) but I also spend all my time cleaning, laundry and sorting life admin while I’m on mat leave, I have no idea how I’ll manage this when I’m back to work either. I haven’t done much baby groups this time either (mostly as I find them a bit boring tbh and I’m a bit beyond the whole FTM chats tbh!).

We personally aren’t keen on cleaners as one stole some items last time. Apart from childcare I don’t know what other help I can get either. We have a gardener and a window cleaner but that’s about it.

I guess my point is, I hear you and I think this is one of the struggles of motherhood.

We have a nanny housekeeper who, when kids are at school, does 10 hours a week of kids laundry/bedrooms, household ironing, putting away groceries, keeping common areas tidy and organised and any other ad hoc tasks. We do our own laundry/bedding but the house is clean and tidy when we finish work and we don't spend our entire evenings and weekends running the house.

ETA I saw someone in a similar position to you advertising on our local Facebook page for someone to come for a few hours a day during school hours to do housekeeping type tasks and they were inundated with responses!!

In an ideal world, you would find someone who is prepared to be a combined housekeeper/nanny, who is willing and capable of doing the organising to lift the mental burden from you.

Then provide them with whatever they need to make your life easy, in the way a wife would. Not the cheapest but it would make your life worth living and let you to better enjoy the little free time you have.

Normally my advice is if you can afford it, get a nanny. But with twins and a toddler to look after they won’t get much done around the house.

If you can manage the drops offs and pick ups without help I would focus on someone to do cleaning, kids laundry and bedding, maybe batch cooking. Maybe they could pick your oldest up from school a couple of days a week and do after school activities. Essentially a nanny housekeeper but with a time weighting towards housekeeping.

I’m not familiar with the impact of free hours now but with the hours you need are you sure you’re not better off with a nanny rather than paying for 3 in nursery?

A nanny housekeeper sounds ideal but I’m not sure we can afford one often enough for it to be worth it, while the youngest are all in nursery. DH agreed this evening that we should get a gardener as that seems like a quick win (no prep work from us ahead of them coming, etc). We also said we need a new laundry system as what we’re doing now is too time consuming.

We sacrifice enough into pensions to still qualify for both 30 funded hours and tax free childcare so nursery should be cheaper, I think (they also discount for siblings and for a full time week). Another reason to go for nursery rather than nanny is I WFH full time and my home office is literally off the playroom - I wouldn’t be able to get a drink or go to the loo without seeing the kids so it just simply wouldn’t work. Plus we really like nursery and have seen our eldest two thrive in those environments.

I think my current plan is to just survive the first year and then once the twins are two, put the three smallest into the onsite preschool as it’ll cost nothing (or close to nothing) and then a nanny housekeeper to come for a few hours a day to sort the house, prepare a meal, pick them all up and feed them. I would just need one that could cover some of the school holidays as none will take 2 year olds in our area.

I would recommend thinking about an annualised hours contract for a nanny then. It’s difficult to find something who wants just a few hours a week nowadays, but with the holidays as well it might even out to a decent average hourly week.

The best outsourced help I’ve found is:

• housekeeper, or if not possible a cleaner and someone to do the ironing
• nanny share (so much better for covering endless days of children being off school or nursery with sickness) and they can also cover for the school performances that you can’t make
• a remote PA to sort out calendars and minimise the mental load (use a separate email address for clubs and school so you can provide full access to this)
• gardener
• dog walker who also offers daycare ad-hoc
• a good livery yard (only for those who are horsey)

I think you need a separate cleaner weekly and an after school nanny.

So cleaner comes in for a good chunk to sort out everything house related. Then the after school nanny gets in and helps with the school pickups, sort dinner and bath time and then you should be able to take over with most of the stuff done.

My children do a number of activities after school so the nanny isn’t at home that much and when they are, they are supporting with homework, looking after the children and sometimes light cooking. They aren’t there to clean; it’s not their job.

Why would someone have kids if they get the nanny to go to school performances? This is not ok.