Larger age gap between 3 and 4 how did it work out?

[Charlie9S]

Our lives are full on busy, disorganised chaotic and loud. 3 wrecking ball boys bless them. 2 dogs. one child suspect Audhd not high needs.
I can't shake having a 4th. But I feel insane for thinking it. I always wanted 4. Find 3 an odd number. But my boys are 9,7 and nearly 5 (very close but competitive and fight all the time). So they'd be a 3 close in age and then 4th would be a big age gap.
I'm 38, maybe its biological clock in my ears, hormones this is my last shot. The want to try for a girl. The letting go of this little stage? Anyone have advice or experience having a 4th with similar age gaps and how that has worked out as they grow? How you make sure you have time for everyone. Did it change the dynamic for the better? worse? Tip you over the edge?! 😂

It's not that big an age gap. But do be sure you really need to have a 4th

If you already have three boys then it is highly likely you would have a fourth boy.

Are you just having a 4th in the hope it will be a
girl? As far as I’m aware if you have 3 boys it’s far more likely you’ll have a 4th boy.

but to answer your question I have a 4 year age gap between mine and it’s worked out perfectly. They are 5 and 1 and a half now and absolutely adore each other. If we had a 3rd (which we won’t be) we’d try to go for the same gap.

It's still generally 50/50 girl/boy unless dad genuinely produces more boy swimmers. I think if we knew we'd have a girl we'd go for it just because we'd both like a girl, we think they'd be wonderful with a sister, they always talk about having a sister. Boy we think oh my goodness would the house finally fall apart with 4 boys 😂 love them but wow my 3 are full on. but also I had 3 in 4 years so was always going to be a lot!

I'm looking more for positive or negative experiences that are similar eg 3 close in age and a gap before #4. or larger families and dynamics : - )

Some couples are more likely to have boys or girls.

For couples having their first child, it's about 50:50 whether they have a boy or a girl at a population level, but not 50:50 at an individual level. So the 50% who have a boy the first time are made up mostly of couples with a 50:50 chance of having a boy or a girl, but partly of couples who are much more likely to have a girl.

Imagine it's like rolling dice. Most people have normal dice and so a 50% chance of rolling an odd or an even number. Some people have loaded dice and are much more likely to roll odd than even (or vice versa).

If you have normal dice, the probability of you rolling an odd number three times in a row is only 1 in 8.

This means that if you are equally likely to have a boy or a girl, the probability of you having three boys in a row is only 1 in 8. The probability of you having both sexes is 7 in 8.

If you already have three boys, the likelihood is you have loaded dice in favour of having boys, which means your chances of having a girl fourth time round are unlikely to be 50:50.

The latest study suggests that if you already have three boys the statistical likelihood of you having another boy is 61%.

I'll add a bit to this also. I always wanted 4. 2 or 4 never liked the idea of a 3 dynamic. I have some childhood traumas that mean I am closer to my husband he is my safe family although I see my family it's not deep connection. without going into too much detail. I think I just wanted to be surrounded by love and joy and chaos because that meant no one felt unloved or alone. Husband lost his sister and was not close to the rest of his family eg cousins aunties etc. We also lost our first baby. So when my eldest was barely 4 months old we were like lets have 4 lets build our own big family.

But kids are hard work and we have 3 boys. life hasn't always been steady or easy recently and we thought maybe we'll stay with 3.
They have 2 cousins who are a fair drive away they're close when they see each other. but those cousins are surrounded by tonnes of family from their other side and my boys don't have any of that.
I really do put it to bed and think I can do more with them, they all play together, I can have alone time etc. But also their focus is so on each other and competing I can really see how a 4th would just interrupt that dynamic and they'd adore it. It would give my eldest particularly a little more independence and self esteem to help with tasks and baby if he wanted which he wouldn't even need to be asked to he'd be like can I do everything 😂 I can see the beauty in it but then think I'm seeing it with rose tinted glasses.

If you want a 4th child then by all means have one! Just don't have one in the hope of having a girl.

You might also want to consider whether you'll then want a 5th so the baby can have a sibling who is close in age.

No I don't think that'll be really necessary to have another again the age gap isn't that massive. Pretty sure I'll be done and husband also. Yes I think I'll always feel broody over babies but I do think I'd be done.
Would try for a girl but fully be prepared mentally for a boy.

I'm just looking for experiences of others with 4 children and how it all worked out.

There’s a similar age gap between me and my youngest sibling and we’re not close. If you’ve had three boys then it’s highly likely you’ll have another boy. If one boy has autism then this one could be too. Every one I know who had two or three boys went on to have another boy.

I had 3 boisterous boys in 3 years, than had our fourth (a girl!) with a 3.5 year age gap between our 3rd and 4th children. Our 3rd and 4th children have a wonderful friendship, and #4 also has a lovely relationship with her younger sisters. Go for it OP, and good luck!

I don't have children but my sisters were both born with just over a year gap, June one year and November the next. So they were very close, I was born 4 years after my sibling in November. And then 5 year gap between me and the oldest. Honeslty I think it's fine. We have a good bond, its not too far apart, they're closer in some ways because of age (doing exams and stuff nearer to each other), but honestly it doesn't make a difference. We make jokes about it all the time. When we were younger and used to fight though, I'd get mad when they'd be playing with family friends (they were all the sane ages give or take) and they'd make up rules for the game that everyone had to be at least x age that I wasn't. I did slightly scream and whatever but siblings will fight even if they're very close. I shared a room my whole life with my sister, where we had a 4 year gap, we'd still play together and we enjoyed it. I think sometimes we overthink the little things, obviously as long as your okay, with pregnancy and the stress of toddlers (which you sound like you are) hen you'll be fine. The photos from when I was a baby and younger with my sisters are so funny, they loved playing with a toddler lol but they didn't like me when I first came home as a baby lol.

I saw some research lately that suggested that if you are older mothers (35+) with one gender of child, the odds are stacked that you will have the same. The odds are further skewed if you have multiple of the same gender. Might be worth looking deeper if your desire is driven by wanting a girl

I’m the oldest of 4. Gaps are …..
3y - 20m - 4y
its a good gap!
crack on if you want #4!

I have no advice but I'm in a very similar situation! 2 boys aged 7 and nearly 6, and a 4 year old girl. Eldest and youngest are less than 3 years apart.

I was sure I was done but started wanting a 4th about 6 months ago, and stopped preventing last month. I'm really scared that a baby wouldn't have the same sort of close relationship that my others have though. I'm the eldest with a bigger age gap and then 3 sisters close in age to each other. I always really hated this as it was basically the 3 of them always together, then me by myself! We didn't have a sibling relationship at all as children. But I'm hoping it would be different if the one with the bigger age gap is the youngest instead of the eldest.

Having a 5th very close in age is a possibility too but idk.

We are almost the same - boys were 10, almost 8, and 6 when DD was born last year. They adore her and play with her constantly. She is so loved. Didn’t plan for such a gap (IVF baby) but it’s worked out incredibly well. Surprise natural pregnancy 3 months after DD was born means we now have DD2 and they’re 51 weeks apart so we have 11, 9, 7, 1 and 0! At least she will have a friend at home potentially when the DS all go off to uni or life.

My mum had her 4th child, my youngest sibling with a big age gap. By the time he was born I and my other siblings were turning 15, 13, and 10. So much bigger age gap than you are considering.

We all got on, and for the most part everything was fine. That said, it certainly wasn't without is challenges.

In hindsight, I'm pretty sure my mum would've avoided such a big age gap. I am also avoiding anything more than 2-3 years with my children based on that experience.

Doesn't apply to you really, but i guess the insight is limit age gap where possible.

DON'T try for a specific gender. It often doesn't work out well half the time.

I’m in the same situation as you- I have 3 boys close in age, youngest is currently under 12 months, all under 4 years.
We have decided to try for a 4th in a month or 2. I’m the same age as you.
Things we have considered are that we are financially secure, have the time for our kids (I work part time and my husbands job is very flexible- we are both high earners), this means we have the time and space to address their needs individually. Our kids are healthy boys and are not ND. We also want them close in age (less than 2 years), even though it’s hard work, we have seen the benefits of being so close in age as they play together, can do similar activities at the same time etc etc.

It sounds like you would really love a girl OP which is completely understandable. I would advise you to consider gender swaying, it helps your chance of a specific gender by timing, diet etc. Definitely worth a shot 😊
I have 4 dc and felt the same as you, wanted an even number. We now have two "pairs" which is great. The eldest two are best friends and the youngest two are becoming best buddies too. Best of luck.

That's not a big gap. We have 10 years between DC1&2. What happens if you have twin boys? You're back to an odd number and still no girl.
I would be scared of the unknown (ADHD and autism can have a familial link). You already have a lot on your hands. I'd consider the three you have first. There's are risks that number four could be highly detrimental to the lives of the DC you already have, especially if they have extra needs.

Do you genuinely have enough time to spend 1:1 with a fourth? You said yourself it's chaotic, which doesn't sound like a positive thing.

A friend of mine was 1 of 8 because his mum wanted a girl and kept going, 4 &5 were twin boys.

Chaotic does not mean having lack of time.

Three is an odd number.

Isn't it symptomatic of no time to be organised? Just asking the question.

Not necessarily, can just mean lots of unpredictable things going on which goes hand in hand with kids. For example, when going out the door one kid may refuse to put on their shoes while the other is running back up the stairs while the other is nagging for something. That’s chaotic and loud but nothing to do with not having enough time for your kids. Just my opinion.