Will have 4 boys under 4

[PeppyNavyPoet]

Hello, I currently have 2 boys 3.5 and nearly 2, I am 20 weeks with twins, just found out they are both boys. I was devastated when I found out about the twins as we were not planning to be pregnant and it was too many children too soon, I am so worried and upset about how I will cope. Just found out they are both boys, I’ve always wanted a girl and really upset too. I haven’t told people they are boys but am already getting comments like ‘oh no imagine if they are boys’ makes me feel worse. I feel like I’ve never wanted this pregnancy but don’t know who to talk to, feeling depressed and through this pregnancy too. Anyone had similar situations or advice?

Practically, four boys are much more likely to be a cohesive group than three boys and a girl, and with four you'll be less likely to have one always left out than if you had three. The comments come regardless - I have one of each, and still get comments about whether I'm going again!! Best of luck

I once knew a family with five sons (mum was a colleague and I taught 2). They were just the loveliest happiest family ever. The sons were all sporty and popular and they constantly had all their friends round after school playing football in their garden and eating all the pizzas out of the freezer and so on. The brothers were all polite and good at school and just good straightforward lads. They got on well with each other and were like a little team. The mum was so chilled because she had done it all before 5 times.

I remember thinking "that's the kind of family I want" but for medical reasons I stopped at 2.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. You'll have a lovely "gang" and everyone has a playmate.

No doubt it will be hard work for the next period but in time it will get easier.

Also pregnant with 2 x toddlers is hard give yourself a break

@PeppyNavyPoet we know several all boy families, ranging from 3-6 boys and they are all truly lovely families. Also, I grew up with several families of 3+ boys and can tell you they all remain a very close family with their parents, now with wives & grandchildren too. My male friends from all boy families of 3+ boys, in fact have in our friendship circle, remained the closest with their parents.

Take the time you need now to adjust and re-group, it's okay to have some feelings of overwhelm right now. Then you will be able to shift how you imagined your family would be and get ready for a really wonderful family life with four beautiful boys. Sadly, the ignorant comments may remain but at least then you will be confident in the lovely family you have.

Good luck!

I would have loved to have 4 boys. Think in years to come that there will be 4 strapping men in your house and they will be your sons!

The most difficult stage is now and the next couple of years. Just be kind to yourself, learn to relax in the chaos and drop your standards a little.

They will be very lucky boys to have each other ❤️

20 weeks pg with twins is when it gets very very tiring. Single sex families always get a lot of micro negativity and it can eat into your joy. 4 boys so close together is going to be amazing. What a fabulous hand you have been dealt. I know it’s daunting but throw yourself into it and revel in the craziness.

Been there, done that.

That's a lot of children in a short time, must be such a shock! You will manage though, you just kind of adapt. We have 4 children although more spaced out. Your new baby boys will be just as lovely as the two boys that you have now x all the best

A friend of mine has 4 girls and gets negative comments but they are a great gang of sisters.

I think it’s important to say that your feelings are valid, you must be physically exhausted and worried both due to normal pregnancy worries as well as what the future will hold. Please speak to your midwife and try to access a counselling service where you can share your feelings in a safe space.

Good Luck!

Yes it’s going to be hard, but four boys, I’m envious. I love watching Sarah Beeny with her lovely family.

I had 4 boys under 5, I recommend you prepare yourself for the “are they all yours?”, “you poor thing”, “were you trying for a girl?” comments. It’s so tedious. Then again my friend who had 3 boys then a girl had people constantly saying “thank goodness you finally got a girl, you must be so happy it wasn’t a boy” etc in front of her boys. People are just idiots. And rude.

I loved having 4 boys, they were and are fabulous - now all late teens/early 20s.

People will make dumb comments. Can’t be helped.
I have twins and find that people always wanted to say SOMETHING when they were little. Just start a bingo card.
I do get the sex disappointment. Don’t be hard on yourself. Four of the same sex should be easier in many many ways. Congratulations to you both.

Are you able to get some practical help? I had 3 boys under 3.5 years old and i was able to pay for some help (2 hours a day) to give me a break. If it is not financially possible, do ask your health visitor, thay can organise for some help at home.
Lots of playdates and babygroups too to keep the boys busy and exhausted and for you to get a cup of tea and a natter.
you really need to look after yourself and you have identified that you have noone to talk to, at the moment. Have you thought about psychotherapy?
and what about DP? How does he feel about it? How much is he doing? He will have to up his game.
my lot are now 16, 15 and 13. It’s kind of easier, it is no longer physically demanding like when they were young but it is mentally and emotionally demanding. Saying that i went back to work full time 3 years ago to a very demanding job and things are ok. Good luck, rest a lot and enjoy your little ones!

Do you have support, op? Or the money to pay for help? I think the four boys will be lovely but wow you are going to need help with getting through the next few years while they are small! Do you have space in the house? Do you need to declutter now before the twins arrive?

I knew a family that had five boys. They were always outside playing. They had heaps of friends and were really popular.

They grew up and one by one they have gotten married and four out of five boys have had daughters. So now there are at least four little girls running around.

You're in the thick of it now, 1>2 + 3>4 is so so hard, and to top it off you must be feeling so tired as well being pregnant with twins. You can't see yet how wonderful it's going to be!

There will come a time when your eldest is 5>6 and your second is 3>4 and suddenly you will be able to send them downstairs to watch TV for a bit so you can have a lie in, or out to play in the garden whilst you get something done. And they'll chatter away to each other, play imaginative games together, cuddle each other, look after each other. Not only is it easier but it's just so much more rewarding as well. What's great for you is as you reach this point your youngest boys will already be 1+ so you won't have much longer to go until they catch up and can join in with the older boys. You'll have 3 years where they're all at primary school together, which will be awesome.

There is something so magical about 4 boys and in your case especially so, because they are all so close in age they will be a proper little gang. I find that little boys can be gentle, creative, polite, sweet and kind just the same as girls. And that little boys love colourful, beautiful, sparkly and cute things as much as little girls if they are given the chance to express that.

As grown men they have the potential for wonderful enduring friendships with one another. That can actually be harder for men, so what a gift to have from childhood! And you will have 4 men to help, support and amuse you.

I've got 3 and when I was pregnant with the last, I thought twins would have been terrible. But now I look back and realise that was my only chance to have 4 really, as I have no desire to return to the baby phase with a big gap now. Now that I have 3, 4 seems manageable in a way that I couldn't conceive of when I was stressed out with just 2 (like you, at ages around 2 & 4). But it's the ages that make it so hard, and they do grow easier and much more fun, and quickly too, in the scheme of things.

Have you told your little boys about the pregnancy yet? I would lean into their excitement about getting two cute little baby brothers at once. It is so exciting!

There's a lovely book called "The cat who wanted to go home" about a little french cat who accidentally crosses the channel in a hot air balloon, and desperately wants to get back to the 4 little french boys she lives with. Its got this lovely imagery of the 4 little boys lined up next to each other like a set of steps.