Is it possible to have 3 kids and work FT?

[LucyEleanorModeratz]

Hi wise mamas in my phone

Looking for some advice / experiences.

DH and I have two glorious children, aged 4 and 18m. We would love another - love the idea of a little gang, the support they can provide each other in later life, all of it.

We have room for a third and are financially fine.

My question is - is it plausible to have three kids and work FT? I do currently, and yes it's a struggle. That said, I'm somebody who values work and I'm ambitious in a fairly high pressured role.

Am I being completely unrealistic about the possibility of welcoming a third?

Would love to hear about your experiences.

I guess you would have to figure out how to balance your time. You already work full time with the 2 kids you have so I don't think it would be any different with a third..your already do school/daycare drop offs. In reality it all comes down to your ability to divide your time in the morning and afternoon routines. I think if you can manage and your set on having a third then you will make it work. Go for it.

I think it depends on age and your circumstances.

How will you manage childcare, school holidays? Do you have support for when they are ill? Do you work for home or have flexible working?

What happens if you have twins or a child with medical needs?

Some people do manage it, but I know I didn't and had to give up full time work. The numbers did not add up. My job was full of antisocial hours though and I did not have family support.

You'd probably need a nanny if you are going to both work high pressured, long hours jobs.

It’s absolutely possible (I do and always have done - I went back full time when my youngest was 4 months — I am in the U.S. so don’t get a long maternity leave). It helps if you have some flexibility eg can work from home part of the week. However you may find that you want to dial down the work and spend more time with them. I know I do! But we rely on my income, which is probably our fault for living in an expensive city.

I did. And paid for as much help as I could including having an au pair for the first few years. No regrets (albeit we would be significantly closer to retirement if we hadn’t!).

I’m also questioning my ability to balance work and a busy family life. At times I’m feeling overwhelmed but other times it’s fine and manageable. I’m the breadwinner and we can’t afford me not working if we decide to have a third child. I think we would definitely get a nanny to help so that we can focus on career. May I know how old you are? I am turning 38 so I do feel the urgency to decide..

Thank you all for your helpful insight, it's very much appreciated.

I think the issue for us personally is that whilst we're comfortably off (circa 200k combined income) we're certainly not in the financial realms of nannying. To counterbalance that, we do have my mum living locally who currently cares for my youngest twice a week. I would hope she could do one day p/w for a third, though of course not guaranteed. I also WFH 2-3 days p/w which facilitates timely collection from after school club / nursery etc.

@Anusername I'm 35, 36 early 2026. Not therefore desperate to decide now (my mum had my brother and I at 40 and 42!) however my DH's main concern around a third is the higher risk of SEN / disability as maternal age increases. So I think we need to jump one way or the other fairly soon.

Totally torn as it currently stands!

I’ve got two the same ages as my sister’s two then she had another. The dc are now 21, 18 and 16. It’s now she is feeling stretched. Both financially, practically and emotionally.

One at university, paying his £500 a month to top up is loan. One starting A levels this week, learning to drive, (£100 a week) managing a part time job and needing lifts to different things.

One doing his GCSEs, also this week. Taking dc3 to a hobby twice a week that doesn’t finish until 9.30 but she got him into it when he was little so she can’t stop him now.

stumbled on your post as in the same boat. Curious to know what you decided??! 😁

I gave birth to my third child in May. Now I can say that my family is complete. I think if we plan finance very carefully maybe we can afford me not working for 2 years. But I may choose to work as it gives me a different social circle. Have you decided?

I have 3 kids and compress 37.5 hours into 4 days which is absolutely exhausting!
age 14, 10 and 7
partner works full time too

it’s manageable but i am soon dropping my hours slightly to 30 hours over 4 days because it’s just tiring during the week and a bit of a jiggle with clubs etc - but i shall backfill that money doing overtime on evenings and weekends typing from home which will be easier and there is always TONNES of that sort of work about (nhs)

it was easier when they were younger in some ways!

everyone’s situation is unique tho and we earn not even half of £200k so I’d say financially fine but I’m finding it’s the tiredness and all the kids activities etc…

you sound geared up for this tho and speaking from experience, 3 works well for us, would I have wanted 4?
no I’m done ✔️

good luck with whatever you choose to do

The problem with having the third is that any time you have available for your children will go from being divided by two, to being divided by three (not forgetting that you will have a baby /toddler which takes up more time)
By working full time and having two children already, I think you may have enough on your plate!
I also wouldn’t plan on having a third if you’re relying on your mum for childcare. That’s not fair on her.

The women I know who had three either had local and willing mothers or full-time nannies. A couple had both. As DC hit their teens half the families, including those with two, found the DC needed more support than ever before and a couple of the father's gave up work, other families went down the f/t nanny/housekeeper route. Some did that with two children.

I managed with an au-pair but only had two and worked locally.

In my view, if there's any doubt about childcare, and I know families where the grandma got cancer or had a stroke, don't do it. Really sadly another friend had a third who was severely disabled and another got caught out because the third child turned into twins!

Having said all that, my only regret is not having a third and my DC are 28 and 31. However, if I had, I'd probably not have gone back to work.

I worked full time with 3 children & i was a single parent. It is manic but doable

Was it just you worrying about work with a third or was your DH worrying too? I meet very few men who worry about juggling work with children.

We had no local family, I worked with four DC. For a few years I stepped out of long hours corporate and ran my own business which was equally long hours but more flexible for the time. We had daily nannies and we had a cleaner. As they grew older into teens circumstances worked such that I had a SAHD for eighteen months and gosh was my life easier at that time! Suddenly I knew how easy my male peers had it.

Then I had a sort of after school housekeeper for a while - former childminder whose own children were grown but was ideal for the immediate after school hours with teenagers. Officially she was there to prep the meal, drop off at clubs etc - really the most important thing she did was notice when one came home out of sorts or if something seemed amiss. A grandma would be good in this role if they wished to do it - she really was there for the DC benefit, not physical work and not too many hours.

You must be a superwoman!!!!

@LucyEleanorModeratzits do able. Specially if you have a good support network. I have 3 and only work part time at the moment but thats due to health conditions

I have four and work full time. Lucky to have a job with flexibility around start/end times and can wfh. I also have help from my mum one afternoon a week.

What made it possible for me was the right childcare for the youngest. We have a fabulous childminder who is flexible and a second home to DS.

If you can afford it longer term, have the space and want another child, then you’ll make it work :)

We were in this exact boat 2 yrs ago.

We had about 300k hh income.
Depressingly after bills and what not meant a decent nanny was still a big stretch for us
I was also the high eaner so had to "keep going"

I was 41 so it a now or never thing.

We stuck at 2...

• I looked around and in my industry there were NO women with 3 young kids working ft. There were a couple with 3 kids but they were 16,13,11 type thing...they were also super type As and it was all military precision type stuff.

• My industry doesnt "do" PT work really...
• My dm very suddenly became way less able to help
• A disabled child would truly have pushed us to the brink.
• we both realise health isnt guaranteed a third would mean delaying retirement by 5 yrs plus (as it transpired both of us went on to develop health issues... we can still work but they are basically inflammatory illnesses and stress aggregates them)

Yes, I did it for 26 years. Im
not saying it was easy, but it’s manageable. For 20 of those years I was a single parent, albeit with family support nearby