Experiences of youngest siblings of large gaps

[MuddleBud]

What was it like being the youngest sibling with 5+ years to your next sibling(s)? Did you play together much or was it lonely? Were they more like mentors? Curious as trying to decide whether to have another. Thanks.

Youngest of three here with a 8 and 9 year gap.

I'll be honest, I think it was the worst of both worlds growing up. My siblings were kind enough to me, but I was always at a different stage to them and I remember vividly how I felt childish and constantly out of step with them - never as fast, as clever, as funny, as knowledgeable. It was more like being the family pet than a fully fledged person in my own right. So it was a strange kind of loneliness. And when they left home I was only 10, and became to all intents and purposes an only child - but without any of the benefits of the extra resources and focus that single children benefit from.

That said, I am quite close to my siblings as adults, and I'm glad I have them in my life. But it was certainly an age gap I was careful to avoid in my own family.

And to add - my parents thought I had a wonderful relationship with my siblings and that they were fabulous with me. It probably looked that was from the outside. So I'd be cautious about the opinions of parents with big age gaps - I think you have to ask the children, as you are doing.

Also to add - I think the dynamic would be better if there is only one older sibling.

Brothers are 13 and 15 years older than me. I don't have much of a relationship with them......the eldest had left home before I was of an age of being aware of who I lived with. Similarly next one was out doing his own thing.
Very much feel like an only child. Trying to establish myself as an adult with them was hard but I literally am who I am woth very clear boundaries about things...eg care of elderly mother and no expectations I will be main carer as the youngest and female!

My SIL’s are 10 years younger than myself and DH, and he has always treated them in a more fatherly way than equals, even though we’re all adults with kids etc. He would look after them a lot, change nappies, take them on days out, pay for toys etc. different life stages completely.

I was the opposite way- eldest child with 2 younger siblings who are 8 and 10 years younger than me. While I have a great adult relationship with my siblings and would never wish to not have one of them, I also feel the dynamic would have been much more balanced if there was just 2 of us with the age gap, instead of just me and then the 2 of them together.

My sisters were 5 & 12 years older than me.
it was fine, had great relationships with both of them.

I agree with a previous poster. A lot of parents will say that age gaps don't matter and the kids get along great but that's often not a true reflection. It can be a strangely lonely experience and sometimes better not to have a sibling at all.

There is a 17 and 12 year age gap between my husband and his siblings. He never had a sibling relationship with them, they were always made to look after him, and now cares for his 17 year gap sibling who is in a care home with the beginnings of dementia. He's a little bitter about it all falling to him as his other sibling isn't able to help out, or doesn't want to.

I have 8 siblings, the youngest is 3 years older than my oldest DC. We don't really have a relationship as have nothing in common.

Had two with two year gap, then had two after ten years with 18month gap. I loved it. Oldest DD not keen on younger DS, but now they are all close . I was 5th of 6. My oldest sibling 15 years older and left home at 18 to get away from us all, but we are very close as adults.

13 years between my two. They weren't friends growing up are are not friends now, but they are brothers.

I have girls with that age gap, they either play together or argue, mainly the eldest winding youngest up. The older three with 2 years between each get on much better and in hindsight I would say I would never have such a large age gap although I think it would be preferable than to being an only! Me and my brother had a 4 year gap and we get on amazingly well now and did at times when younger but also argued a lot. A gap that large is much more noticeable, kids are at different stages etc. not so bad when the youngest is a baby but 3 years in with a toddler and then a preteen much harder!

My brother is 5 years younger and it’s not a great age gap. As a kid he was constantly at me - Will you play with me? - and would go into a rage if not (now we know he’s autistic we can understand that but not back in the 80s). So I spent a LOT of time minding him- older siblings left it to me to entertain him as parents were working hard. As adults we have a good relationship but not super close due to the autism.

My husband’s siblings are much older - 11,15 and 17 years and they were basically 2 different families reared by the same parents. He was sweet but spoilt (still is) and had very close relationship to his parents as practically an only child. Not so with his siblings. But they have their own issues in life so not just down to age gap.

Not sure it’s a coincidence but for what it’s worth as youngest of 4 with big age gaps both my brother and my husband are charming, terrible timekeepers, feckless with money and really not into their careers. (One Gen X and one Gen Y)

We have this exact gap in my extended family. Both boys, 5 years apart. Wouldn’t recommend. They only started getting on in their late 20s and frankly that’s too long to wait.
I definitely would not consider it if the eldest is a boy. They make awful older siblings - very jealous, rough play, etc. Not at all like girls.

Thank you for all the helpful answers. It's very interesting. Do you think parenting style has anything to do with how the gap turns out?

Could do, but it’s more about the age gap and not having the same cultural references. I’ve thought of two of my friends who have siblings with larger age gaps and they aren’t close at all, even well into their 4th decade. It will also impact the next generation as they are unlikely to be having families at the same time and therefore less chance for the cousins to be close.

But they may get on as adults. When I was 5, I didn’t have 10yo friends, but now I’m 40s I have friends up to 10 years in difference from me.

I’m the youngest of 5 by four years. They were all at school by the time I was a toddler so I didn’t see much of them. My eldest sibling is 11 years older and went to boarding school, as did the others, at 13. I never really knew any of them until I was a teenager but by then they’d moved out and were living independently. Nowadays we all get along well but as a child I think I was alone a lot, which explains why I’m so happy in my own company now and very self sufficient!