Looks like I'm pregnant with third. Suddenly terrified.

[Pregnancy3panic]

This isn't an evaporation line, is it?

This would be my third child, mine are 5 and 2. As soon as I had my second child I knew I wanted another one, I didn't feel our family was complete, I wanted to have a nice big gang and my DC won't have cousins so I wanted them to have each other. I absolutely love being a mum, it's the best thing in my life, and I love my kids more than anything.

DH would have been happy to stop at 2 or even 1, but was receptive to the idea of 3 so we decided to stop using contraception at new year and see what happened.

We earn pretty well and have a 4 bedroom house.

BUT, I'm 38 and I'm starting to feel it. The other two babies and then bad eating habits have left me about 3 stone overweight, though I've lost a stone since new year.

My eldest has SEN, he will need a lot of time and attention as he grows, and my age + this history means I know a baby might be affected too.

We do earn well but the bigger salary is mine, and my career was just starting to get back on track after my two mat leaves. I'm due to finish some professional exams and then go for promotion this year. I don't know any senior women in my industry with 3+ children.

Even on current salaries we might be able to afford private school for two but probably not for three.

My two year old is out of nappies now and plays independently with my older one for extended periods, and they're of an age now where grandparents will have them both for the day or even occasionally overnight. Grandparents obviously aren't getting younger and I doubt they'd have three.

DC2 is due to start preschool on the same site as DC1's school this September, it will all be covered by free hours, and will be so much easier and cheaper than coordinating childminders and grandparents and part time hours at work etc.

We would need a bigger car.

I was so sure I wanted a third but now it's a concrete possibility, it feels like I'm taking a wrecking ball through so many good things in our existing family life.

And yet none of that is a good enough reason to end the pregnancy... is it? Ending a pregnancy isn't something to take lightly, and I think I'd feel guilty. (Catholic upbringing, although I'm very pro-choice as an adult).

Help. I haven't told DH yet as not seen him face to face since I took the tests.

Ha, you're remarkably similar to me, same age, I want a third, second is 2, Catholic upbringing but pro-choice....

I don't think you need a reason to end the pregnancy but on the other hand I know I would struggle with it in your shoes and probably wouldn't be able to do it.

Just sending support really.

Thank you for the support, I didn't really ask a question to be fair - just trying to sort out my thoughts.

It might be that I'll come round to the idea again. It's just that before, seeing a positive pregnancy test has been completely joyful for me, and now I'm feeling more like "what have we done?"

I felt the same. I had a 2 year old and an 8 month old when I was surprised with a 3rd positive. More so thinking about the logistics. That little 3rd has turned one now and is an absolute joy.

Congratulations..You wanted 3, your husband was open to 3, you have age gaps that will be manageable while close enough for them to play together. Of course it's terrifying but you will be fine.

Well, I did a fancy digital test today and I am undeniably pregnant. I'm kind of shaken, but I guess that's to be expected. @HannahSternsBlouse is right, I did want a third and we're not in a bad position for it, so I guess the only way is onwards.

Terminate if you don’t want it. Doesn’t sound like you do

i have three and my husband and I both have senior level demanding roles. It’s really busy and the logistics can be tricky with 3, and certainly expensive, but absolutely would not change a single thing, can’t imagine not having three. Same sort of age gaps. We don’t have a sen child though. I had my third aged 38 and it was absolutely fine, many women have their first at that age. Of course do what’s right for you.

Thanks, this is really helpful to hear.

DH and I are doing lots of talking, nothing really off the cards but I spent much of today thinking about the reality of terminating and I think I would find it extremely difficult. On the other hand, I think it would need a bit of really quite conscious effort and work, but we could actually make three work pretty well.

What did you decide! I’m in a similar position now :(

.

I'm 25 weeks now, so obviously I decided to keep the pregnancy. All seems straightforward and healthy so far.

I got in touch with Marie Stopes during early pregnancy when I was still making the decision, and I had a couple of free counselling sessions over the phone which really helped me talk through my feelings and helped me reach a decision. There's no pressure from them to decide one way or the other. To be honest the "counselling" was mainly just a nice lady asking me some very basic questions and me sobbing down the phone at her. But it did help.

The post above me asked what if this baby has SEN - well that's always a question isn't it. My eldest is on a waiting list to be diagnosed with ASD, it's pretty obvious to me that he has it, but he has done really well in his first year of school, met the EYFS standards (despite teacher not believing he would get there!) and made some nice friends. I wouldn't personally end a pregnancy because the baby might have SEN. Clearly that is a personal decision though.

I’d send them to state schools and use the money saved to hire a nanny. This would give solid support for getting back to your career. No drop offs, pick ups and better cover for sickness.

It sounds like you want a third dc but you’re having a bit of a wobble. Not to minimise it of course. But everything in your OP suggests that you do want this baby that you chose to conceive but you are now (understandably) feeling overwhelmed.

This thread was from March this year, I just updated it now because someone asked what decision I made.

You're right: after a lot of soul searching and talking with DH, I decided to keep the pregnancy. I'm expecting my third son in three months time, and at this point it does feel like I made the right choice for our family

Congratulations and all the best. You’ll enjoy him!