Hi @LegoHouse274 I’m so sorry that you’ve been feeling similar.
So my youngest is now 9 months old, I can’t believe where the time has gone honestly. I will say early February I hit a massive wall and had to admit I needed help, how I was feeling wasn’t normal. I went on to antidepressants, looking back I realise now some of how I was feeling when I wrote this was PND.
I would say since the beginning of April time I have felt much, much better. Days can still feel incredibly difficult don’t get me wrong but I do not feel how I did at the beginning of this year. We try to live as organised as possible. Everybody has outfits/school uniforms ready for the next day, set days that are bath days, go over lunches/tea time once a week when doing an online shop, pyjamas ready each morning for that night, nappy bag is always stocked and we have a basket downstairs full of wipes, nappies, nappy cream, spare vests etc. it all helps a little.
The thing that has massively helped me (alongside the antidepressants) is having plans for mostly every other day. It helps that the weather has been so nice the last couple of months. Even if it’s having a friend come over, visiting another friend, stay and plays, parks, garden centres etc. we regularly visit a farm that’s a ten minute drive from our house and it’s free. I just remember mid March time googling what there was to do around where I live that I would feel comfortable doing during the days with the two youngest and going from there. I was shocked tbh, I don’t know why I’d never really done that before in the 6+ years I’ve been a mother. I think I’ve been struggling for far longer than I realised.
It has hugely helped my confidence. Back when I wrote this I hardly left the house on my own with the two youngest (eldest is at school) except for walks and the odd park visit. But now we are honestly out almost every day doing something and it makes the days go by quicker. We make plans on the weekend to make sure we’re doing something with the 6yo too so he doesn’t miss out.
Another thing that helped was sitting down with my partner and booking time off from his work for us to look forward to. We booked a load of long weekends throughout Feb-May and it really did help take the edge off knowing I only had sometimes 3 or 4 day weeks where I had the kids on my own. My middle boy is now 2 and a half and his speech/understanding is SO much better suddenly in the last couple of months too which has helped SOOOOO much.
There was just so much I felt stressed over and I spoke to my partner about it and we have slowly tried to resolve each thing as best as possible over the last few months. For instance the kids just had an overflowing amount of toys which equaled more mess, so we organised it all and got rid of bin liners full. We wanted to get the garden landscaped for this summer and we have, so now we’re able to get out in the garden when the weathers nice. Prioritising myself some days by having my nails done, making sure I’ve showered, washed my hair and even little things like plucking my eyebrows. Back in January I really was neglecting myself because I was truly finding everything so hard.
It helps that the baby is good as gold. She does have her moments though, there was a day a couple weeks ago she cried non stop, no clue why. She sleeps way better than my sons ever did too. She’s also now obviously weaning and it’s handy to be able to hand her the odd rice back or baby snack in order to hang washing out to dry or do the odd chore.
Sorry this is so long but I’m really hoping it helps others one day as I was googling loads to see if anybody else had felt like me and if it ever got better. I used to wake up in the mornings and physically dread the day ahead, like I really mean it, I was filled with dread. I don’t feel like that anymore at all. I really hope this helps you and I’m sorry again you’re finding it hard. It is bloody tough being a parent. Someone said to me having 2 children is having 2 children and having 3 is like having 100. I’ve never agreed with something more before in my life 😂