Am I being sensitive?

[manifest2025]

Am I being overly sensitive?

Last night DD got up x3. She’s been sleeping so bad I’m exhausted and ill from all the broken sleep. My MIL (staying with us over Christmas period) got up last night and I told her ‘please don’t’ DD is only going to come to me not even DH could even settle her. Now this morning The MIL is not talking to me and being cold. I think she is being selfish. She can’t help when DD is like that so why get upset and make it about herself.

I’m venting. DD has been good with my in-laws but she obviously wants me when I’m around screaming and reaching out for me. My MIL takes DD into another room away from me. But if DD behaves like that when DH is around the MIL gives DD to him. An annoying daily habit.

The PILs are only here for another 2 weeks and I'm exhausted badgering to my husband how annoying they are. He has helped a lot to set boundaries show we are a united front. But I am stressed with my MIL.

Yes you are being overly sensitive, you're lucky that your MIL is trying to help you. And unless your child is a breastfed baby, I can't understand why you haven't been splitting night wake ups with your DH so that your child will at least also settle with their dad. Don't know why people make their children overly reliant on just one person at night, what would happen if you suddenly were severely ill for example and not there? This is a good opportunity to start getting your child used to other people providing night comfort. You may even find the stop waking as often as a result too potentially.

You are being sensitive, she isn’t being selfish she was trying to help. Odd thread to post in ‘larger families’

I don't understand the previous responses.

Yes, it was nice of mil to offer to help. However, you are well within your rights to decline that offer for whatever reason and I fully get wanting to get dc settled ASAP.

Sulking and not speaking to you because you declined her help is ridiculous and childish. I'm assuming she is "sensitive", i.e. one of those people who get offended easily but are not in any way sensitive to other people's feelings?

Can your dh have a word with her?

Sorry but Yabu. You say you’re ill and exhausted from getting up- but then you won’t accept help. You maybe need to speak to your MIL and apologise for the night thing but ask that if she could help during the day and let you nap that would be helpful. Depending on how old your dd is, don’t be a martyr. If she’s a teeny baby by all means maybe she does only need you- but if not, she maybe needs to learn to settle for someone else.

Yes you are being over sensitive

You say you are shattered

Dh also needs to step up. He's the dad.

Needs to be able to cope /settle his own child

If you weren't there what would happen

I have friends like you

Kids won't settle for dad if know mum if about

Tho happily do if they think she's out

Madness

DD doesn't settle with MIL as she lives abroad and doesn't see her much.

I don't relay in her help as MIL will be leaving soon so what's the point of making her a part of her routine for 2 weeks.

DH helps and is amazing but can't help DD wants only me.

I don't think my MIL should be giving me the cold shoulder because o told her at 2am to please go back to sleep as I need to reserve my energy to settle DD down.

I feel like I am made out to be the villain not sharing my daughter with in-laws. But DD doesn't know them. Also I'm 8months postpartum first time mother my baby is very attached to me.
DD used to sleep beautifully from 3 months but all of a sudden she has started to wake up at night maybe regression teething clingy not sure but the broken sleep as made me feel ill and exhausted from Christmas.

I am feeling territorial over DD because I have her to myself all the time and now inlaws are here I'm expected to share her change my routine and not show it's upsetting me.

She’ll never get to know them if you don’t let her.

DH helps and is amazing but can't help DD wants only me.

And what would happen if ill/in hospital /broken leg and can't get up the stairs for a few weeks as not allowed any weight on it

Dh needs to learn to settle his child

It's bad you have made her totally reliant on you

Really judgemental responses I thought Mumsnet would be constructive not blaming.

I'm not sure what I expected from responses I just needed to 'write it out' as an outlet but my fault for overcharging and being vulnerable not expecting to hear the above.

Sometimes kids just want their mums and I'm ok with that my husband helps in many other ways. It's not my fault or a problem I have made for myself it's just so happened that night I got her to sleep my husbands was with me trying to help but I felt his mum needed to give us our space to get DD to sleep so we could all go back to bed. We've all had some night worse than others and this was one of the worst wake up from DD

This

How old is dd

It's not a case of blaming but more to the point what would happen if you weren't around to settle dd

All children should be able to be settled and calmed by both parents

Totally get you don't want mil to do it If isn't a perm fixture . But she was trying to help as you said tired and run down

I "get" you completely..
.. I don't feel you are being "over sensitive".

I can see the logic of letting others help out, and your dc having experience of more than just you, but in the case you describe, your MIL may as well be a stranger off the street, as far as your little one is concerned.
What's worse, is that your MIL isn't even staying around.. so as you say, what's the point of getting your baby "used to her", if in a couple of weeks, it's "bye-bye" til possibly next Christmas... and she will still be like a total stranger.

If someone took my distressed baby from me in order to try to "calm the dc down", I'd be probably be a weird mixture of strained relief and totally stressed at my ways being forcibly removed from me.

It doesn't make much of a difference if your MIL is being intentionally bull headed, or if she's innocently trying her best to give you a break.
The outcome is that your dc is getting even more upset, which is then winding you up further, coz you know that if you'd been able to get to your dc from the off, it'd have been quicker and much less stress to get everything quietened down, and therefore everyone else in the house would be able to resume sleep more quickly too.

I really can't say the answer as to how you can get your dc to be more open to others that are happy to take over from you in times of need.

I would be just accepting dc change for the moment... dc was fine before, and I guess this is a phase.
The more stress shown to your dc, will be picked up on, and result in this phase lasting even longer.

Your MIL reacting to you in the way that she is, is immature and she is not subtly letter you know that she feels "hurt"!just because you enforced your method over hers.
As is often said on this forum
"your dc - your rules"....

Try to focus on the relief you will feel when your MIL has packed up and gone home...
.... try also to think that (unless you know better), MIL was trying to act for the best out of kindness...

Good luck.... your a better and stronger woman/mother than I, in that you've had your MIL with you for ever so long, and still pretty long to go yet...

I love this answer above.
Written so much better than I explained the situation.

Thank you for your helpful effort you made to respond.

I appreciate being heard whilst I'm in a temporary difficult situation over these Christmas/NYs period with extended family

I don’t have anything constructive to comment however 2 more weeks of the MIL - yikes. You deserve a medal. Think about it this way each day of sulking will be a week less they stay next time. 😁

If you are exhausted and ill from lack of sleep. You can settle her at night but use the people you have at home at the moment to have sleep in the day.