Too old for a fourth?

[CCDM]

We have 3 children aged 10,7 and only just 1. Our youngest was born when we were 38/39. Now at nearly 40 - are we too old? I worry our youngest gets won’t have a buddy like the eldest two had. We are financially secure and could support another child. It’s more about logistics and really how much it matters to have a sibling close in age to you.

Any opinions welcome! Just trying to think things through…we like having 3, and my gut feeling is that that our family is complete.

Not too old technically but have you got the energy that would be what I'd be asking! And would it take anything away from the first two

I don’t think it would take anything from the first two really. But I have to admit I’ve sort of forgotten what the toddler years involve so I may well be lacking in the longer term energy!

You like having three and said your families complete I wouldn’t rock the boat in this situation

I had my 5th (and last at 43). Had babies in 20s, 30s and 40s. Age didn’t make a difference.

I do like having 3, I liked having 2 as well. I like the chaos of a big family. Just taking the leap to 4 is a bit daunting.

I’m surprised @MaggieBsBoat you didn’t feel a difference. I sort of do between the eldest and youngest. Do you ever worry about being an older parent when the youngest is still quite young? That plays on my mind a little bit as I lost my dad relatively young.

i don’t think your too old, no! But you did say you feel complete with three, So I’m not sure I would in your case! Who’s to say that (if you did) the younger two would even be that close when they are older? Im an older adult sibling and am actually closer to my youngest sibling (6 years younger) than the sibling closest in age to me, only a year older than I am!
Theres no saying that if you didn’t have a 4th that the 3rd wouldn’t be close to the other two! If you’re happy then I wouldn’t put myself through a 4th at almost 40. Good luck whatever you decide!

I’m the same @MaggieBsBoat

I had my eldest at 21, 2nd at 30, 3rd at 31, 4th at 40 and 4th at 41.

probably the best I felt was with the 4th at 40. I genuinely do not feel worse than I did in my 30s and a hell of a lot better than I did in my 20s. Now 45 with 24,15,13,5 and 3yo.

I deliberately don’t think about how old I will be when number 5 is 18 but equally I wouldn’t be without her or her brother for a second. Energy wise I work full time and study as well as having lots of children plus volunteering but I thrive on being busy!

@CCDM to be honest I started running marathons in my 30s so by the time I came to my 40s and my 5th I was actually in better physical shape than in my 20s. Strange but true. Also I wa so used to breastfeeding and how everything works (knowing what to expect) that it was easy. I think if I hadn’t been keeping myself fit then it may have been different - I don’t know but I do know that it honestly felt the same.

My youngest is now 10 and I don’t feel older than anyone else at parents‘ evenings. I am for sure, but it’s ok.

It’s true - no guarantee that they would be close. Our eldest two are very close so I guess it would be nice! To be honest they love the little one and are close with her too, just in a different way.

I am definitely more tired now than I was in my 20s. However, I do know what you mean by knowing what to expect. I’ve found breastfeeding, pregnancy and childbirth all pretty easy this time round. Even with being several years older than with the previous 2.

I think it’s more of a psychological block that 40 feels older as a kind of land mark age. I had a similar existential crisis at 30 😆

Saying that, I am also definitely not running marathons any time soon, so perhaps I should consider energy levels necessary more closely.

I wouldn't, but then I'm 3 and done in my early 30s and my age is a factor in not having anymore. Not that I'm saying I'm old to have anymore but just since I did start having them younger, Im happy to finish those early years younger too rather than keep spreading it out as I age even more.

I am 37 soon to be 38 and have a 3 year old and 5month old. We plan to have 2 more kids and so I will be in my early 40s unless I have twins. 😂 DH will be mid/late 40s.
Not too old if that is what your want.

I have 2 older siblings moddle sibling 15minths older and we did have a super close bond until teenage years and then we fought pike cat and dog. But late teens early 20s were became best mates. Oldest sibling who is 8 yars older then me want close. Completely different stages of life and although we did play initially after they hit teens we barely saw / sownt time with them. And even now we are not close. I think closer age is better. Hence why we plan to have all 4 with a max 2/2.5 years age gap

I think it is mind over body. My grandparents had children well into their late 40's early 50's. Each side of the family have 13 uncles and aunts. Age was not an issue or a problem. They kept active and busy. Greatgrandparents were the same and they passed on their 100s and they got to see their kids get married have grandchildren and even great grand children. It is a choice and whete you are at in life.

I would have loved to have all my children in my 20s but I wasnt married and never met my husband untill I was 32 so you can plan but if it is not your time not your time. We had kids right away knowing the longer we wait the later we will be become parents.

We had similar age gap, and went for 4th but we were younger. Logistically 4 has been a LOT more than 3, the older two are very busy with activities and it's a lot following two toddlers rather than one while waiting around (they go in opposite directions!!) definitely love that they have a sibling similar age to play though

There is more chance of twins as you age.
Would you be okay with five?

Quite honestly I would probably be fine with 5. Unsure of coping with two at the same time though! We will probably try for a bit and see what happens. If it’s meant to be then great. I don’t think I would want to be any older than 41 so that gives us about a year. Exciting times!