Is having a large family like what you expected?

[TheBeesKnee]

I don't know many people with 4+ children personally, but the ones I do seem firmly split into two camps: overwhelmed, stressed and desperate for a break from the children, or; absolutely buzzing and loving it, best thing ever.

I'm not sure whether the difference is down to personality or putting on a front of just having more energy/money/resources? Or reality being very different to expectations?

So, if you've got 4 children (or more) please may I ask if it's what you planned, and if the reality of large family life is aligned with what you had in mind before it happened.

I obviously don't want to be prying into people's business irl, so I thought I'd pry into strangers' business instead

I have 4. I planned 3, 4 was a happy accident

I'm in both camps. There are days where everything is just perfect, everyone's happy, everything's going well, the house is filled with laughter and love from every angle... and there are days where I've strongly considered doing a runner and leaving them all with DH. So far I've resisted!

Yes, I suppose it did align with what I'd imagined. I knew there would be good days and bad days. I knew there'd be more stress, worrying, expenses and I'd need more eyes in the back of my head, but I knew there'd be more love, more smiles and more moments that would make my heart swell with pride too. So it evens itself out nicely I suppose!

I will say it's significantly harder on the days we're low on money or low on sleep, but I think that's probably the case for any number of children.

I have 5, would have liked six but planned 4 so 5 was a surprise. I'm one of 6 myself so I was under no illusion as to how much work was involved and prepared for it. I am really calm anyway and blessed with laidback easygoing dc so I have loved it. Dsis has 3 and she definitely had it harder than I did but she's highly strung and her children are the same.

Many many dc... Much easier when they were small. Even 3 under 3 was easier than them as teens now!! Adult dc bring their own stresses to your table. Now adding dgc to the mix isn't great either ime. More stresses...youngest dc is 10.

No wonder i am totally grey at 53....
Wish I lived in Scotland.. My mh is fab when I am there...

In my experience, people who want lots of children come from large families themselves. So I guess they're already (sort of) prepared in some way. I suppose they've grown up with the "buzz", if that's the right word and wouldn't want it any other way. Conversely, I've known a couple of people who had single parents and no extended family and thought they'd create their own relatives by having loads of kids - if that makes sense.

I am an only dc...

I have 4, but it’s like having 2 sets of 2 as they are 21, 19, 7 and 5.
i have 3 sisters and we’re all close in age.

to be honest I’m in both camps - it is sometimes overwhelming and I end the day frazzled and desperate for a break but the other half of the time it’s the best thing ever and I wouldn’t want it any other way. It was just the same when I only had my eldest two though

I had one sibling.
I have more then 4 DC.
Loved it. Absolutely matched up to my expectation and continues to now they are all adult. I'm naturally fairly relaxed about most things but very strict on respect. Yes it was hectic at times but I have a lot of energy and still keep myself occupied pretty much full time with barely even an evening off.
The DC have such a tight bond. They go on holidays together and meet up when they can. I'm beyond proud of them.

Just to add, along with my one sibling, I had one cousin who we never saw and no-one else in our generation so it absolutely was creating the family we didn't really have as children. My sister also had lots of DC!

I have over 10 DC. Somedays are easy street others are like WTF have I done.lol i love having my big family and wouldn't change it.

Its the judgement from others i could do without though. Some people are just plain mean and aggressive. Others will point and laugh. Though my kids now point and laugh back.....lol.

Some people assume the older help raise the younger. No they dont thats not how it works. Im the mum they are the kids.

I'm in both camps too.

I totally love having a big family. It wasn't in my life plans but it's how it turned out. In that respect I feel so fortunate.

Other days, yeah I'm completely exhausted and desperate for a break. Also, life is definitely cheaper with less. Holidays, cars, food... it all adds up!

All my Beat friends have 4+ and come from small families themselves being the only child or 1 other sibling. They love ut and wanted that and they have good and bad days. But I have that with 2 DC anyway. 1st DS was a nightmare for the first 2 years and it was like I had 10 children. 2nd DS is a breeze and laid back.
We plan to have 4 DC all together God willing.

Honestly I think it comes down to finances and resources and possibly personality. If you can comfortably afford your family then it makes life so much easier because you can comfortably afford to feed them, provide for them, take them our regularly and afford a certain lifestyle which minimises stress and uncertainty, also if your someone that struggles with a lot to do at once, noise, and struggle to keep up with daily life then a large family wouldn't be ideal as having a lot of kids Is a very busy lifestyle. You will probably find also some people put up a front so they don't feel embarrassed. I personally love my large family, best thing I ever did in my life and it also comes down to having the right partner.