Reassurance on having third baby after large age gap please

[Threelittlebirds1]

Currently about 7 weeks pregnant with dc3, this was a planned pregnancy after agonising over the decision for 4 years! I am now full of doubt which I'm sure is not being helped by awful nausea and exhaustion (bad timing with the summer holidays!) I sailed through my last 2 pregnancies so naively thought I would enjoy pregnancy, especially knowing it's for the last time.

I feel like I considered all of the pros and cons of having a third, hence why the decision took so long. DC and 7 and 9 and life is very easy now, they're great kids, I work part time so get to spend loads of time with them in the holidays as well as having time for myself while they're at school. Despite all this I couldn't shake the longing for another, so whilst I knew I was making life harder, on balance we felt it was the right decision for our family.

I fell pregnant the first month of trying. Initially I was really excited, but for the past 2 weeks I feel like I have made a terrible mistake. I'm feeling terrible physically and now can't imagine coping with sleep deprivation etc. I'm worried I will miss out on fun activities with my older 2 being "stuck" with the baby. The list goes on. I thought of all of these things beforehand but now I can't seem to imagine any of the positives. I have considered termination but I'm sure I would regret that once the dust has settled as this was a planned pregnancy. Dh is supportive, he thinks once I'm feeling better physically it will be easier to focus on the positives and also that we will just adapt.

Sorry for long post. If anyone has had a baby after a similar age gap then I would love to hear some positive stories of how it turned out!

Not me but my nest friend got in this situation after her first 2 had a 20 month ages gap, youngest was 7 when 3rd one was born.
The 3rd baby really completed their family and they couldn't imagine him not being here now. Only downside is he is more like an only child as the other two are so close in age. It will be fine op x

My mother had her third child 19 years after her first (me being the first one), and 16 years after her second. We all have good relationships and it worked out well.

You planned this, you carefully weighed up the pros and cons, you took your time. If your situation hasn’t changed since then, trust the version of you before you got pregnant - hormones and feeling shitty will be playing a huge part in the negativity.

A few of my friends have similar age gaps with their siblings and have great relationships now. It’ll be harder for a while, that’s the reality but worth it for feeling your family is complete.

Disclaimer: I aborted what would’ve been my third child two years ago now. It was unplanned, would have been another 2 year age gap and a dark cloud descended immediately, I couldn’t see a positive outcome. Although it’s obviously extremely complex and I can see the positives I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel a lot of regret and still periodically feel consumed by the decision.

Same age gap as you, all grown up families of their own, all very close and happy.

My twenty year old and ten year old were out riding together today for hours. And played board games with me when they got back. They are sisters in every sense. Try not to sweat the little stuff OP, family is what you make it together.

My sister and I had only two years between us and didn’t get on at all as children; we haven’t spoken in many years.

Best thing ever. So pleased I had my third. The older 2 adore her and now they’re off to uni I still have her at home.

We have a similar age gap - mine were 6 and 8 when the youngest was born. No one ever argues with him, he’s now 15 and we laugh at how the older ones ‘beg friend’ him - whilst they still fight & argue with each other! He very much came with them whatever they were doing and loved to be with their friends. My eldest is a girl so you can imagine how they felt about having a real life baby to play with!! Honestly weekends as a family were fine, the part I found hardest was having a newborn and doing the school run as getting everyone out when I was knackered from being up at night was tough.

Thank you all so much for your responses and positivity, it has bought tears to my eyes reading these (in a good way).
@Tcr1987 sorry to hear that you can still struggle with your decision. I'm sure you made the best decision for your family, although it can't have been easy. I think you are right that I need to trust the pre pregnancy version of myself.
I am a definite overthinker and quite risk averse so I think this along with pregnancy hormones has just sent me in a downward spiral.

My older two were 6 and 7 when I had my third. They were thrilled to have a sibling and all three get on brilliantly. You'll be much more confident dealing with the tiny baby stage this time round and you know that they will eventually grow and sleep etc. You'll have two little helpers who will entertain the baby and a littler one at home with you when the older ones fly the nest. It's all good!

Due my third in a couple months will be a 3 year gap. Not planned but very much wanted however the first trimester was tough and I had a lot of doubt this pregnancy has been brutal I have crippled pgp and on crutches, until 14 weeks I had nauseas around the clock. I'd love to have a 4th but I couldn't do another pregnancy

My partner is a youngest with 2 siblings your DCs age.

When he was about 9 he was terrified in bed when his 18 year old brother came back drunk and vomiting from a night out. He was an adult- his parents couldn't really stop him.

Not really much in common with them whilst young as age gaps were so vast. Feeling he couldn't be a kid at home as older brother and sister bringing new partners back and friends and he was in the way.

He didn't find it a great experience. Nothing in common with them.

Why do you think this would be helpful to the OP? This sounds like more of a parenting and family issue than an age gap - if your partner's parents didn't make him feel welcome that's on them, not fault of him being a bit younger! OP sounds like a thoughtful and caring mum which is the most important thing when bringing in a new child!

Same age gap here and nothing but positive. The eldest 2 are early 50 now youngest 40. They have been best friends their whole life. They took over the care of the baby whenever the could and he worshiped them.

i have 8 GC between 8 and 30 and they are also really close to each other.

Where does it say his parents didn't make him welcome? Christ that's a stretch. He was dearly loved especially by his mum. Even today she dotes on her youngest.

Its helpful as one day the OP will have a 9 year old and 18 year old under the same roof. 18 year old may act like a normal teenager which is potentially scary for a 9 year old. How many 18 year olds or 16 year olds as he other brother would have been that age have anything in common with a 9 year old.

Lunacy to be honest to have that age gap though. Just when your body had recovered and your kids are not 100% dependant on mum at 7 and 9 you're doing it all over again back to nappies and sleepless nights. Not surprised there is apprehension.

It’s not lunacy at all thank you! My 18 and 19 year old have never frightened their little sister by being pissed. They’re a huge comfort to her, they love her and look after her! It’s been better than I could have imagined. I love kids though so I’m not keen on the idea of ‘getting my life back’ like so many seem to be. I also work with kids and my kids have their friends round all the time.
also I was freaked out by my brother 1 year older than me getting drunk under age and throwing up. Nothing to do with age gaps, just traumatic memories in general. My big kids are more predictable and sensible!

@HowIrresponsible OP posted asking for reassurance and you gave her a third hand story about a child seeing his brother drunk and told her that having this child (that she is already pregnant with!) is lunacy. Very helpful!
OP my little sister is 7 years younger than me (I'm eldest of four) and my brother is 8 years younger! When we were young I loved bossing them about---- including them in my games and now we're adults my sister is my best friend, we speak every day. We're all really close and holiday together every year, see each other as much as possible etc. it sounds like your baby will be very loved.

My little sister is 8 years younger than me and the only story she has of me coming home drunk when she was younger is when I was 21 and she was 13- she was having a sleepover and they were all still awake at 3am freaking out because one of them had spilled a drink over her phone and they were too afraid to go and wake my mum up to ask what to do. I showed them how to take the phone apart and put it in a bag of rice, ate some sweets with them then tottered off to bed. No trauma!

Thank you for all of the helpful responses.

@mrssunshinexxx congratulations on your pregnancy, sorry to hear it's been so tough though.

@HowIrresponsible I'm sure you're not alone in thinking it's lunacy, but like @Supersoakers I am not trying to get my life back - actually the thought that in 5 years time mine will be more interested in going out with friends than spending time with me is really sad! I have fulfillment in other areas of my life, a good career, hobbies, good friends, but nothing gives me more fulfillment than raising my children and spending time together as a family.

The nausea has really eased off the past couple of days which has definitely cleared my head and I'm starting to see the positives again. Thank you all again for sharing your experiences too, it's been really helpful.

We had two and they were 7 and 8 when our third was born. She’s a bit of a third wheel tbh but she’s got a very fiesty personality and just won’t let them ignore her. By and large they tolerate her. The middle one plays with her quite well, the older one not so much. I have a 12 year age gap between me and my sister and I adored her. We get on well as adults. I think there can be more at play than age in terms of whether they’ll get on. It depends on the dynamics and personality.