Surprise pregnancy fourth child panicking

[November2022]

We recently found about we are pregnant with our fourth baby (complete surprise as we thought we couldn’t have another one) and are very worried that it will be too chaotic, we will be spread too thinly, we won’t be able to devote enough time to each child, finances will be stressful etc. on the other hand I’m not sure I can go through a termination (have previously suffered many losses), and there is a part of me that thinks with four it is easier to ‘pair’ the kids, won’t be one left out, I love babies and kids in general. Does anyone have any advice ?

It'll be difficult, but billions have done it before you, and many with much less. They're not more capable than you.

You can go it.

You're already a highly experienced mum, I have no doubt you'll handle this new edition brilliantly. Of course it may be a bit chaotic, kids usually are, but that doesn't last forever. Once the baby is born, I suspect you won't be able to imagine life without them.

Thank you both - your words are very reassuring. My kids all have small age gaps so feeling very nervous but maybe in the longer term that will be nice / easier

I'm one of four and always did things like shared a room as my parents couldn't afford a larger place to live, had periods of struggling for money, didn't have many foreign holidays.

I had a wonderful childhood, I consider myself very privileged to have come from a large, loving family that money or not, have always supported me. I can't say how it was from my parents' side, I know they struggled. But as the last of four I'm in a successful career, did great academically (even though I was a summer born baby youngest in the year), went to the top uni, and love my parents and family a lot.

It's hard, I know it was hard for my mum and dad. But as a child in this situation I had a fantastic time and I'm endlessly grateful for how lucky I am to have so many siblings. The lack of attention didn't seem to have much affect so when people say large families don't have time for their kids I like to point out my siblings and I as examples of it going just fine! We are all quite close in age as well.

That is so helpful and reassuring to hear thank you. We have so much love to give, but am so scared about not having time to dedicate etc - but god willing we have a lifetime to support our kids even though the next few years will be hard! We are both working parents. I’m very close to my family and want to raise my kids in the same way

As 1 of 3, I'd often get left out and wished for a younger sibling. We'd all be left out at some point.

2 or 4 is the ideal number but I'd prefer 4. My DH is 1 of 4 and he loved having a lively house growing up.

Hi there, have you an update on your surprise
4th pregnancy? Hope all is well

We had our beautiful fourth baby 3 months ago and I’m feeding her now - she’s so gorgeous! Shes slotted into our family perfectly, has bought us so much happiness. we feel so blessed to have her. As @Aquamarine1029 says I cannot imagine life without her.

Thank you for all so much for your supportive messages they really helped me.

That’s lovely news! I have 4 and although it was the right number for me, for a long time it felt like I didn’t have enough time for each of them but you make up for it later on. My fourth is now 15 and when I drive him to sports we have a good chat and we both like playing card games together. I wouldn’t be without him! Anyway I feel very close to all my dc. It’s great.

Enjoy your beautiful baby

That’s so lovely to hear. Yes it’s challenging now as they are all young but God willing will get easier over time and as you say I can try to spend more 1-on-1 time with each of them : )

Oh wow congratulations that’s so lovely to hear! Im sure it will get easier. Our youngest is two now and its
definitely easier.
We have three beautiful babies but I do feel the longing for a fourth! Will see what time brings as we know it would be quite chaotic for us as we’re both self employed and so also busy with work.
Thanks again and I’ll be thinking of you!

What a lovely update. We had 4 in 6 years. It was so much fun! All in their twenties now but I’ve never ever regretted it.

Congratulations. Our surprise 4th is 18 this week, it’s gone in a flash.

Congratulations! I have 4 (ranging from 8 down to 1) and love it. It’s chaotic but fun and they are a great little gang. You do have to be more intentional about carving out 1-2-1 time with each of them, but it’s not impossible.