It is extremely hard going for the first few years, and you feel frequently feel like you are sinking. There is no point dressing that up really. I have twins with an older DC who was 22 months when the twins arrived (they arrived a little early, as is common with twins).
We used to go to a twins club when they were babies/toddlers, so I got to know a lot of twin mums & know that they also found it that tough. But - and this is an important but - I had a crap and unsupportive ex-H, so did a lot of it on my own, practically and emotionally.
With two of you, and a ‘all hands on deck’ approach, it’s got to be easier. Your relationship is likely to take a hit too (the divorce rates for twin parents are higher) but I know lots of couples who got through the really hard years and ended up with really strong relationships.
That might all sound a bit negative, but I think it’s important to acknowledge that it can be very hard. When people just say “Lucky you, double the fun” or the dreaded “I know just how you feel! I have two close in age” it can be frustrating. Also, twin pregnancies can be really tough, and I think honesty and expectation there is important.
If you can find a twins club, then that could be a lifeline as you can spend time with people who just get it, and automatically offer to hold a baby/entertain the toddler while you feed, things that other mothers just don’t seem to pick up as being hard when you are juggling it all in front of them.
However, there are lots of positives about having three in a close group like that. Mine are very sociable children, and other people, such as teachers, often comment on how friendly and lovely they are. They talk to anyone and make friends very easily. Even as early teens, they are always up for joining clubs and trying new things (although they still prefer to have a sibling there) and I think a lot of this comes from never having to walk in somewhere alone. Being at soft play etc was always great as they went off in there together, and now on holiday they are all off in the pool or exploring together..
They do fight frequently and it can get very heated (the two girls hit puberty at the same time, despite the age gap, and even DS hides from them when they argue now - about wearing each others clothes, make up etc 😂) but, at the same time, they are all fiercely loyal to each other and definitely each others biggest protectors and supporters.
I am remarried now a man who is a wonderful stepdad and we can laugh about the chaos and have had some amazing times as a family over the years, and there is always something happening in our home. We threw a dog into the mix for good measure. If you are in a good relationship and you both really wanted to be parents and want to focus on family life (and it sounds like you do!) then it will all be really wonderful and worth it, even through you might suffer through the first few years.