Experiences of 5 children plus?

[ghouliee]

From children's or parents' perspective please!

You're looking for the 1% with that one

What are you wanting to know?

The pluses are usually someone to play with and you don't often feel alone.

The negatives are you don't get the time and attention you want from your parents. Very little time/money to foster friendships and encourage extra curricular activities. No one wants to babysit. Holiday/days out/ meals out are nearly impossible.

As the eldest of five it put me off children for life.

The children in my family have been positive about it and I think it was a wonderful parenting experience.

What do you want to know?

The big negatives from the parenting side are a busy house that never stops and going places together takes a lot of organisation.

We’re lucky enough financially, and having and amazing MIL who helps with pick ups, that they all have extra curriculars that they want, we go on holidays and the likes. At the weekend there I was away with DS2 (14), DH had DD3 (10) at a different activity and MIL was at home with DD4 (she has significant health issues, which is more limiting that family size tbh). The older 3 are all uni age and we’re doing their own thing.

I think what people think on it depends on personality a lot. I’m one of 4 and have no contact with my siblings. Of our eldest three two want large families and one has vowed to never have any children after DD4’s issues (mistakes during her birth caused the problems she has).

Let's just say most of us only have one or two children. I am one of seven.

I had more because of being one of two children.

The parents of very large families invariably say it’s positive. The children can see good and bad.

I'm one of seven full siblings. I have 3DC spread over 13 years. My siblings (all now 40+) have no or only children. I think that tells you something.

I don't know if it says much. I'm one of two. I fit the 5+ category and my sibling has no children. I know many bigger families than my own who have children who have gone on to have varying sized families. I think a lot of younger people are choosing to have no children or smaller families for reasons that have to do with their own priorities, not their own family of origin size. My kids are all very positive about it but I always made sure they had their own rooms and space.

I have 11. 8 over 18.

Can I ask why?

I had 5 and raised them for much of the time as a single parent. It was chaos for years, but amazing fun. Household chores were done on a rota (non-negotiable) and the logistics were insane with music lessons, scouts and brownies, sport etc. The family car was a large minibus with the back row of seats removed to accommodate stuff we were carrying around. I didn’t get a lot of sleep, and the house was clean but messy most of the time. Everyone pitched in to help food prep depending on their age and how safe they were with a sharp knife.

Two have chosen not to have children of their own, two have a normal number of offspring, and one reproduces their own experience with knobs on - seven children.

I'm one of 6. I don't remember really playing with them (I was the oldest). I did a lot of looking after the younger ones though. As adults we're all close enough but having so many is a logistical nightmare to arrange things.

I didn't get to do the hobby I wanted at a high level as not enough parental time.
Two sibs have none. I have 1, then the others have 2.

It can be done. One of mine went on to do training at an elite level. No way would I have let any of them miss opportunities.

I’m one of five and loved it but we were also v spaced out which may have made a difference. No idea how my parents managed financially though when we’re tight with two! Three of my siblings have two kids; one def doesn’t want any more, I would given a chance and not sure about the third. My other two siblings haven’t had kids yet but have expressed desire for several to ensure the family chaos!!
we’re incredibly close - always together at Christmas and many times during the year. I’ve had days with all of them plus combinations of partners and children probably 6-9 times in the last two months. We holiday together regularly. It means a family gathering currently clocks in at around 17 people

I’m also eztraordinarily fortunate that we’ve all chosen partners who encourage and enjoy this; several have their own WhatsApp chat for their own interests and I’d describe as friends in their own right not just in laws. I think this was totally modelled as well by our childhood when we regularly (and still!!) went away with my mums two siblings and their families

I have 5, currently aged 18, 16, 13, 11 and 10. Hardest part is the laundry, it's never ending.

We never ask the older ones to look after the younger ones. Dc1 has always looked out for dc2 at school and the same with dc4 sand dc5. That was completely their choice though. Dc2 mainly ignores dc3 at school and dc3 ignores dc4. That's fine and their choice.

Dc1 came in when I was mid reply so I asked him if he likes being part of a big family, whether he was planning on having lots of dc etc. He said it's all right, that he doesn't really remember not having lots of siblings. He doesn't know how many dc he wants. Dc2 and dc3 find their younger siblings annoying and would rather not have to share the computer and the x box.

Was there anything specific you wanted to know?

I think a lot depends on money and time as well. FIL was one of 9. Of the elder 4 none have more than 1 child and are openly bitter about how poor their childhood was in terms of money and time. Both parents worked and there was a lot of fending for them selves. When his mother was pregnant with #5 they came into money, she never had to work again, the dad got a different job and they got a bigger house. The younger five had 2 (& wanted more), 4, 4, 5 and 7 children. DH’s Granny is 101 now and says herself that the elder 4 had poor lives and there was too many of them for the life they had at that point.

MIL was 1 of 15 and says it was chaos and great, but the age gaps between youngest and oldest means they were never really like siblings. More like Aunt and niece.

We have 5. It has both positive and negative bits as does every situation tbh. I was part of a large family growing up, my parents fostered and adopted some of my siblings. I had a great childhood and loved the organised chaos that we had. We are very careful to create the same kind of environment for our family. All the kids have the opportunity to do extra curricular activities, swim lessons, karate, music lessons etc. my husband has a good job so we don't struggle financially, I'm a SAHM so I am able to run around after all of them and make sure they have everything they need. We structure time in to our weeks for alone time with each of them. We are strict about the older ones not doing any of the looking after of the younger ones, they don't feed, change or babysit them. We do expect everyone to do a bit round the house, they need to keep their own bedroom tidy, the older ones do the dishwasher and the younger ones put toys away, just basic stuff that all kids should be doing whether there's one or ten of them. The two older teens are a bit aloof with the younger ones but will play and have fun with them if they're in the mood. The 3 youngest are super close, they bicker sometimes in the house but really band together whenever we go out, they're a little clan and they love it.

I think we've got the balance right, for us anyway. I know other large families where the older kids are basically the parents and I know parents with one or two kids who do such little parenting that the kids are pretty much strangers to them. Everyone is different.

I only have five so not 5+ but we are happy. It’s normal for us so I’m not sure what sort of info you are looking for. They have done extracurriculars and been on holidays and get on with each other.

I'm the eldest of 5 and have no children.
Constant noise, chaos, never enough money to do anything interesting.
Any trip out was an expedition.

I was very well aware of the opportunities I didn't have, a lot of which was to do with logistics apart from anything else. If you're in a rural area and no-one is ever available to give you lifts its very limiting.

I think possibly it depends what your ideal is. If you are one of a large family isn’t really what makes a good or bad experience.

Middle child if 5 here. I was very lonely growing up despite having 4 siblings. Money was scarce and time with parents 1:1 equally so.
I have 2 children by choice.

I'm 1 of 5. DF was a high earner, worked long hours & DM was a SAHM. I don't remember feeling starved of attention & we all had plenty opportunities for our own activities, friends etc. This was down mostly to the efforts of my DM (see below), as well as the luck of having a large household income.

I always had someone to play with & as an adult, although we're not especially close on a day-to-day basis, I appreciate having them in my life.

However, DF was a hands off parent, DM did most of the work & I have heard her say she was a zombie for a large part of our childhoods (I wasn't aware of this, really, until my teens). She relied on the support of her parents, e.g. coming to visit to give her a break, having us to stay. As others have said, the laundry was never-ending, I think!

Middle child of five. Wouldn't change it. But I did have holes in my shoes, sometimes I was hungry and I only remember getting one new coat. Our clothing came in bin bags from well meaning friends and relatives.

Really interesting that those from big families don't tend to repeat the pattern. Maybe that's partly generational. I was an older mum than my mum was. But I do know I absolutely wanted two and no more. Not really sure why. I actually loved being one of five.