Days out and big age gaps

[elliejjtiny]

Technically I don't have a big age gap as my dc are 18, 16, 13, 11 and 10 but younger 2 have significant SEN so they are more like 7 and 3 in their interests and development. 16 year old also has significant SEN too so I can leave him alone in the house or with ds1 for 30-60 minutes while I do the school run but no longer than that.

We have just got to the stage when days out are more enjoyable than stressful with the younger 2. Inset days are best for days out as they aren't as crowded but we can't go too far away because we have dc at 3 different schools and the last 2 times we took off with 2 of the dc when one school was off we got a call to say that one of our other dc are having a meltdown at their school and we need to come back right now. So we've kind of given up on doing that.

Next week we have all 5 dc off school/college one day in the week. I get all excited but then dc1 points out he has an event planned in the evening. In laws (who happen to be there when we are talking) start winding dc1 up about traffic and how we'll never be back in time to take him, then announcing that they want dh to do something for them instead which could easily be done the day before. So now dc1 is getting stressed and begging us not to go anywhere. Then dc2 has a strop because he doesn't want to go anywhere. And we haven't even decided where to go yet! Younger 3 all want to go somewhere, dc3 has suggestions, younger 2 would be happy with the park tbh but happy to go where dc3 wants to go.

Facebook is full of posts saying you only 18 summers with your children and you should make the most of it. But I always thought that once the older ones got to the stage where they didn't want to go places then we could just leave them at home. And I thought that when I had 5 dc in 8 years then I would end up with dc at a vaguely similar stage 10 years later, or at least be able to leave the more grown up ones if they didn't want to come. What do other people do when they have big age gaps? Do you just take out the younger ones, bribe the older ones with lunch out, or do you go to Alton towers every weekend?

Your circumstances seem rather unique and I imagine there won't be many that have comparable experiences.

From the anecdotes I've heard, it seems sometimes children with SEN inadvertently place a quiet pressure on their sibkings. Whether it's providing care support, or receiving less attention due to their complicated need.

You mentioned things have only just gotten easier. However for much of your older children's recent memory this won't have been the case. I think it's one of those things you have to be patient with the lack of enthusiasm and push forward. Over time they'll hopefully appreciate the family bonding.

Hi, im also a mum with sen kids (16 and 14) and 2 younger (4 and 1) 16ywar old can be left, he doesnt enjoy coming places with us and enjoys his own thing. He can walk around the village by himself and go into town on the bus (his nan and aunt live there if theres an emergency) and its only 15min in the car if i need to get him for any reason. 14 yesr old cannot be left for more than 60min at a time, she tends to get up to things if left longer, but will come out for the day with her sisters (sometimes reluctantly) it is definitely a difficult one to navigate. Do you have any help? Someone that could take the older ones out or vice versa?

my younger siblings are 7 and 9 years younger than me so I was like your 18 year old I suppose as I’m the eldest. I had no desire to go on whole family outings when I was 14 and over. I just did my own things and hung out with my friends.

If your younger 3 all want to do something then I'd say that DC2 needs to suck it up and come too. It's not fair if everyone misses out because of him. And reassure DC1 that you'll leave in good time and be back in time to give him a lift to his thing.

I try not to discuss it with them too much ahead of time as there are always objections or ‘suggestions’ from one dc or another. I usually say we are going out tomorrow from x time to y time and you will need to wear abc. Then just push through. You can never make everyone happy and learning to watch their siblings do something age appropriate for half an hour before it switches and the siblings watch them is part of the benefit of being in a big family. We also sometimes team up one older with one younger to go off for a specific activity at a place rather than keep just the olders together.