How did life change going from 2 kids to 3?

[Zarah786]

Hi I asked this yesterday but very late in the day but would like more responses. Apologies if you've seen it twice!

How did life change going from 2 to 3 kids? I feel like 1 to 2 has been manageable. We did a house move, I've had two new job, husband changed roles, and been on holiday quite a few time and my second is three now 😂. But I wonder with 3 will it just be chaos?

We're you able to holiday as often? Did your daily routine change or did you try and fit the new addition into the existing routine?

Are school runs, activities, parent evening, clubs all harder to manage? Did the older ones feel neglected? What tips and tricks have you learned to make thing easier?

Did you and your partner work full time or have to reduce hours to make the above manageable?

I'm not quite sure where to start. It's not linear, or at least I don't feel like it was, when my third child was born it felt like there was a gulf between a family with two and a family with three and it felt like that gap looked like a big change in pace and intensity in parenting. It never felt like chaos though, unless we all got sick and then it felt a little like juggling plates.

I didn't need to rearrange the world in terms of routine because ds2 started school not long before ds3 was born. So he ds3 did have to adapt around school routines but still got those mega naps (and so did I 😁) and plenty of one to one time when he was a baby

School runs and clubs weren't harder to manage, they were at times of the day when babies are typically awake. I'd just put him in the sling and walk the kids to/ from school.

I don't think the older kids ever felt neglected. We kept their routines absolutely rock solid and you get into the swing of looking after a bunch of kids at once. Mostly it's just about keeping the kids literally together rather than atomised around the house. You can breastfeed and help with homework at the same time. Babies can play on the mat while you make Lego with the older kids. The youngest can be in the highchair snacking while you help another make cakes. You can entertain the baby while the other two play with each other. It's no big deal and I think this element is over-egged.

After maternity leave I worked pt for a couple of years then I took the opportunity to work pt from home. But, tbf, that was a decision led by health issues rather than juggling kids.

Now, 10 years later, it doesn't feel like that there's much of a meaningful difference at all in terms of parenting three over two. The pace and the requirements aren't and more arduous - meals are bigger, laundry loads are bigger and it's probably a little noisier.

At this point the biggest difference is financial. It isn't long before ds1 learns to drive and starts uni and then we are in it for almost a decade as they all follow suit. Which we can cover fine but doing it three times rather than two feels significant.

Yes, holidays have been fine for us. We always hire a place and go self catering anyway (and would do if we only had two because of dietary restrictions and pickiness issues) so that style of holiday typically accommodates larger families. I know other people who prefer package holidays do find it harder and far more expensive with three kids.

I think this is the longest post I've ever written. Fwiw, this is just my experience and you'll get wildly different responses.

Really, it was fine. DC3 was the most chilled out. I was most worried about bedtimes. How could I read to older ones and manage a baby at witching hour? Answer was, fine. Baby fed while I read. When they were a bit older and distracting trying to grab the book, I just put them in the cot. I was worried that they would cry and miss us (I rocked and shushed older DC to sleep until about 1 year). They actually just fell asleep. Really they were comfortably the easiest baby of them all and it was the easiest time.

In terms of after school clubs. I don't find it a problem. Normally I'd take all three to all clubs. If one or two weren't in the class, we would sit outside and do homework. Killing two birds with one stone. Not a problem.

Cooking more and cleaning more is probably the biggest difference for us.

Financially we couldn't manage three at uni and with house deposits. Fortunately they can go to uni for free in my home country and start their adult life there. If not... they'll be financially on their own and they are aware of it - they are mid teens now and are realists about this.

So basically, I'd say in finances allow it's all good. With the caveat of having a chilled out baby. I know, it's a pretty big caveat 😏

For us, life didn't change.
dc3 just slotted right in.

0 -1 was by far and away the biggest shock to the system, and change to lifestyle, but after that it was no problem.

Thank you so much. This type of insight does really help. I think I worry about focusing on the eldest education while focusing on a baby and then already the middle is already neglected then bring him back into the loop.

How old are your children now if you don't mind me asking and what is your gender mix?

I have a girl and boy already and sometimes think I have the best of both worlds but my heart desires another. We have the space and finances (but aware economy can change). I cook and clean already anyways but can only really drop a day when it comes to work, the industry I work in doesn't really offer part time hours.

I found going from 2- 3 much easier than 0-1 and 1-2. However the main changes are -

We find having a 7 seater car really useful
Family tickets are not always for 5
When all 3 were doing clubs and activities it gets much more complicated
There always seems to be loads of washing
I worry about affording 3 going to university (if that is what they choose)
Having 3 teenagers at home with 2 doing exams is 'challenging'

I have three boys. They are almost 17, almost 15 and 10. I am one of three and I wanted to have a family with that kind of tribe-like vibe that I enjoyed when I was a kid and which is lovely now, even in my forties - rather than anything else.

Next year I'll have one doing A-Levels, one doing GCSEs and one doing SATs, so that'll be interesting. I think a lot comes down to the personality of your kids. We had an easy ride with the eldest who didn't need much more support than a near constant supply food but we'll see how it goes.

We never had a huge problem with organising clubs around the kids. I suppose it depends on whether your kids in one of those time intensive hobbies built around competing or if they have a have-a-go, pass-the-time doing something interesting with mates approach.

Our kids did clubs at school, swimming (I'd just take the none lesson kids in the none lesson pool at the same time) and another hobby alongside, but usually on a weekend when dh could help.

Actually - I'd say how family oriented your dh is is a huge tipping point in how successfully things work with three. Best of luck, whatever you decide to do.

For me just practical things, extra car seat in the car, extra plate, extra bedroom, I was worried when I was pregnant but I didn’t need to be. It’s wonderful, absolutely wonderful and they are the best of friends

Thank you for your detailed response.

how family oriented is your DH if you don’t mind me asking? I can perhaps assess mine more accordingly.

In terms of doing, DH does 50% of the pickups and drop offs, if I drop off he picks up and vice versa. He did DDs bath times and I got her ready and now same with DS. We do bedtime together but now DD goes a bit later. He is the more practical parent whereas I focus on school stuff. He likes them both ‘helping’ him with mowing the lawn, washing the car, cleaning the bathroom, he just likes their company while he’s getting things done, he makes a fuss of their birthdays also. I cover homework activities, extra curricular activities, feeding, packed lunches, drs appointments. I’d say DH does have a lot less patience than I do but he has gotten better with that. We both have very busy work schedules too…

if we do see friends then we do so as a family, we’re Asian so think that’s normal and we invite friends round (the whole fam too).

Dh is actually brill and that is part personality and principles about family being the priority and a practical understanding of what that looks like, coming from a family of three kids himself.

He pitches in with everything although, just by dint of being home more, I tend to be chief organiser and do-er of things He has his own hobby, biking 😁, but he doesn't take the mick.

I don't think I'm on solid ground giving any advice about how to do all this on two ft careers because I scaled right down to accommodate useless lungs - and as annoying as that was/is, it has afforded a much easier balance of things for me and, I think, the whole house.

Changed a lot for me...other two were 11 and 13 when my last was born!! 😂

Could you kindly elaborate?

I think it depends on age gaps. 2 to 3 were close together and meant I had two in nappies and nursery.

However generally found 2 to 3 really straight forward, partly because we were so relaxed as parents third time around. Kids really do slot into a routine. But my DH and I parent together and we share the work load both around the house and with the children. We both work hard and prioritise the children, juggle work so we have rarely used after school clubs or holiday clubs.

No 3 was not planned, but love having a 'tribe'.
Totally agree with other poster about 7 seater. We have a 5 seater with two seats in the boot, which is brilliant.
Hardest thing is hotels, two rooms really pushes up the price, but we have discovered YHA which are perfect for a night away.
And theme parks as rides are all for pairs

My three are 11, 8.5 and 4.5. A girl and then two boys. The slightly longer gap between the two boys worked well as my middle one started school not long after the baby arrived, so we could have quiet baby days and then busy after school hours (before covid hit when the baby was 6 months anyway…). They all love each other so much and I love seeing their relationships. It’s a lot and has been harder and easier at different points so far but I’ve always felt we manage it and everyone gets the attention and support they need, you just constantly juggle priorities in your head and they understand their demands won’t always be front of the queue. Logistics are never ending but doable. I was working part time in the charity sector before we had our third though and was happy to give up work as the finances for childcare didn’t stack up and I wanted to be home with them anyway. And my husband is all in. It’s easier now but I couldn’t have survived the earlier years without an absolute partner in it.

Should I have a third child? 2 years of obsessing...

My husband and I have two beautiful girls, 3 and 2 and a half (15 month age gap). My eldest will be starting a school nursery in September, and my youngest will continue her mornings in a day nursery. We're so on the fence about having a third child. My husband is a high earner, I work part-time, mostly from home, we have a large home, a car that can take seven. So our set up could cope. But we've come through a busy few years so a new baby would cause chaos, but they always do. Our families have been so supportive of our girls, and help with childcare weekly. But my parents want to travel and I know they would feel conflicted if I had a third, and they have been quite open in saying they think two is the right number, as a third child pull focus from the elder two. I haven't ever felt that I'm done, and I don't know why I can't just move on and stop debating whether we're done. We could provide the girls, who are absolutely incredible and the biggest joy you could imagine, an amazing life without another sibling. We could travel, give more inheritance, etc.

From a parenting perspective, Would a third child take away from the input we can give them? The girls are incredibly close, and I would worry about a third being excluded because of the gap and the girls' existing bond.

Any thoughts, gratefully received.

I honestly feel exactly like you do, I've only just started thinking about it for the last 6 months. Does it really go on for two years? Word for word exactly what you feel I feel. I however work full time and don't have any family around. I have a boy and a girl so feel like I have the best of both worlds and as much as I want the third I do not want to tip the balance.

I do know someone who had two sons and they thought about a third for years and then finally gave in and had a girl. How old are your girls?

I have 3 and would now love a 4th! Age gaps are the key here. I had 3 under 2.5 and only now that DTs are 4 are things easier. With school age older children, I think a 3rd would fit in easily. I dropped 1 day at work and DH does at least half of the parenting stuff (makes all the packed lunches, drop offs etc).

How did you manage to have 3 in 2.5 years, twins? Super woman!

2 girls (15 months apart) at 2.5 and 3 - my eldest is staring a school nursery four days a week in September as she's the oldest in her year, so I think that will be good for her. I only work four school hour days a week. It's so difficult!

@LLadybird and @Zarah786 curious to know...have u gone for three or stuck at 2?!

I am currently in the thick of it with a 4yo, 2 yo and a baby. TBH the biggest change for me was more with 1-2, followed by 0-1. Going from 1-2 you learn the juggles and prioritising you need to do so you already have the experience.

Its mostly just louder when all 3 cry together or need something at the same time, however with a good routine this can be prevented (it’s all about routine!).

I don’t have any experience of the school runs yet and after school activities but the baby phase is fine. The baby just comes along wherever you are. There also isn’t much downtime during the day as it’s very rare to get all napping at the same stage at this stage, this can be difficult after a bad nights sleep but you muddle through.

We still travel a bit, it has restricted us a little as you can’t really stay in most hotel rooms (we have but hard to find a big family suite and you need book in advance) so self catering /airbnb type holidays is the better option if you are ok with that.

You can also be restricted in the early phase where you go solo (day trips/ parks etc) as you don’t have enough hands, I really have to think k about where I go as the first 2 are runners! However again this isn’t much of a problem for me as my husband is around a bit as he does shift work so we do a lot of things together.

Carwise; you really need a 7 seater ideally.

so baby has slotted in which makes me think about if a 4th would be ok or if that is what tips people over th edge. 3 kid families aren’t too rare you will find.

2 kids to 3 for me was great but then...mine are 5, 15 and 18 😀

I didn’t see this at the time, but honestly I’m not quite sure how we did it, but we did! Youngest is nearly 3 and…..just as life was getting easier surprise baby #4 is on its way.

We currently have a 7 year old and a 6 year old. And I'm still pining after dc3. Starting to wonder if we have left it too late and the age gap will be too big. Me and DH are under 35 so biologically, we are still fine but dc1 and dc2 are so close, they are best friends really. I worry a 3rd would feel left out as they grow up. But equally, they love babies and would be the best big brothers. We still need to wait probably another year for financial reasons but practically we are fine in terms of car, house etc.
We are so torn!

I loved having 3 little ones. The older 2 were excited about their little sister and were 4 and 7 when she came along. It was hard as I had to do it almost all on my own (unsupportive now xH working long hours), and tough trying to keep the older ones activities going with a new born in tow. But overall it was a really happy time,

The teen years have been really really tough. I feel spread too thin. And youngest hasn't even entered them yet 😆
She's a tricky character, they all are in their own way and they fight all the time.

Divorce has meant finding new housing, having 3 and trying to get some where with 3 decent bedrooms was hard and expensive.

Eldest is learning to drive and looking at uni, so much ££££ coming up!

Teen years are hard for the older two in different ways but the education system now and social media etc means growing up is really tough, they need so much emotional support,