Struggling to cope with two large families and new baby - tips?

[dancingzebra]

I am one of 5 and my husband is one of 4, we have recently had a child, the first grandchild, and first nephew for everyone. We all live locally and everyone is extremely excited but it is unbelievably overwhelming - everyone expecting to see the child all the time. Am I being unreasonable to think that I should be in charge of managing my family and my husband takes charge of his? My husband seems to expect me to be entertaining and making the arrangements with his family, I have enough on, and also want to spend alot of my maternity with friends who have recently had babies. Is this unreasonable? I'll never get this time back on my maternity and also want to spend quality time with my baby on my own. Feeling like I'm constantly under pressure and our families have unrealistic expectations.

Oh gosh OP that sounds full on, when I need a break from these sorts of life pressures I just respond a lot less on my phone - sounds silly and simple but I'm less available and then get back to people with I can often saying 'sorry I have been busy etc...' not sure what your DH will make of that but in all fairness he has 'left the arranging to you' which you will do... in your own time maybe?

message them all & say that you’re very happy that everyone is so excited about the baby but you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed so for the next couple of weeks you are going to prioritise a calm quiet time, being alone with baby for bonding etc.

Yanbu to set this boundary now or you risk taking on this job even when you go back to work. It’s not just visiting, you’ll end up in a tizzy over birthdays, Christmases and other events during the year.

It's hectic for first couple weeks then people quickly lose interest

Be very protective of your quiet bonding time for a few weeks.
Be choosy. Helpful grandparents some mornings, sisters and brothers will want to meet for a short time but then will be happy to do what you desire.

Once baby is older say NO when it pleases you.
Get yourself a calendar and mark out tea dates for catch ups with friends, appointments, shopping, cooking, resting.
Always refer to your calendar if someone wants to come over.
Make them wait and consider that you are busy.

It's fair that you manage the visits because you are the most vulnerable and the most affected by the visit. It is also fair that people with kids wait until your baby has had some vaccinations.

Maybe set aside one afternoon per weekend for receiving family and if six people come over all at once they can talk to each other. Accept all offers of meals and cakes etc. Having bought biscuits and cups of tea is all that is necessary.

Don't fear saying that you are extra tired or that baby is having a feeding fest or that you both need to sleep for the afternoon, or are getting a cold.

People will get to meet the baby before he is crawling