Bedroom arrangements... Help

[Cthomas87]

Sorry for the long post just need some outside input to know if I'm being unreasonable. ..

My partner has two kids (17 and 19) I have 4 (16, 13,11,3) moved in with my kids to partners house he owns about 8-9 months ago.

His 17 year old loves with us full time and has an outbuilding converted into his bedroom. My 16year old has a bedroom, my 11 year old has another and my 3 and 13 year old share the last room (which used to be his 19 year olds room - she moved to Scotland with her mum)

19 year old has come down to visit a couple of times and both times she has had her 'old room' back and my 13 and 3 year old have moved to sofa / in with siblings... She is coming down for 3 weeks over Christmas and partner thinks I'm being unreasonable because I said she can sleep on sofa first 3 nights until kids finish school... Then 16 year old go on sofa and she can have that room for the next week. After that 13 and 3 year old go to their dad's on boxing day So she can have her old room back.

He thinks I'm being selfish and she should have that room whole time and shouldnt be made to sleep on sofa 3 nights.

Am I being unreasonable??? I feel like this is a fair adjustment but it's causing a massive argument.

Doesn’t really matter how you slice and dice it; there isn’t room for you all.

Poor kids, on both sides.

I'd let her have her old room back.

Your two can move in with their siblings as before. I don't see why you would change things now.

And you can't ask a grown woman to sleep on the sofa, she needs her privacy, while the younger ones will just see it as an adventure.

I think this shows a complete lack of empathy for your situation. Anyone who has had a blended family like this will understand the difficulties.

The problem is that you've moved into your partner's house... automatically you've moved into their space, and I can see that his children would feel resentful about giving up their space.

Equally I can see that your children need to have a base too. It's such a difficult one! Literally, the only arguments we have are about these types of issues - where we each feel the other partner's kids are put first.

Could the two of you take the living room for this short period, and give your room over to either the 19 YO, or your 2? As to which, that's a difficult choice.

Long term, is it possible to buy a new place together, a neutral territory?

I wouldn’t want my school-aged children’s sleep disrupted on a school night. They shouldn’t be sent out of their bedroom.

the thing is though that from your partner’s perspective, it clearly isn’t their bedroom. It still belongs to the 19yo and they are just borrowing the space.

I wouldn’t want to not have a room for my 19yo to come home to so I agree with that perspective . However, I wouldn’t have moved people into the space because this conflict was absolutely foreseeable.

He doesn’t have room to both maintain a welcoming home for his children and to host a girlfriend with a large family.

What sex are your 4? The 16, 13 and 11 yo, out of the 4 there's got to be 2 the same sex?
So 19 in own room, then juggle them about?

Same sex children share a room. Bunk beds.

Options depend on the sex of the children, but if she's moved out and she's 19, then she can be made very welcome in the house without having to go in "her" room. Presumably all of the furniture has changed to fit the other two in anyway?

It doesn't seem to make sense to move TWO out to make way for ONE. Could the 16 & 11 year old share temporarily, so that she still has her own space?

I would give the SD her own room back but I would also only have one other child usually in her room. Then only one child needs moving when she visits.
Can the SD sleep in her own bed and room with a younger SS in the same room for three nights?