What do you think makes you want to have more children than 'average'?

[Essie274]

A question I've been pondering a lot recently.

DH is one of 2 children and always assumed that he would also have two children. And so many people seem to aim for and be content with two.

I don't know why I feel the pull to have more children. I'd like 4 or 5, ideally - but will probably settle on 3 (obviously because DH is not on board with a larger family, but also for financial reasons).

Well for me, I am one of six and have five myself, I suppose I wanted to recreate what I had experienced. My dm died when I was a teen and I had three younger siblings and I think there was an element of doing it to see them through to adulthood as dm wasn't able to. The sister who has 4 herself feels that losing dm as a child has been a significant reason to surround herself with children. My other sisters have three each.

When/where I grew up, 4 or 5 children were the norm (and 6-8 was not unusual) so to me 3 is small (which is how many I have). More chance of at least some of them getting on I feel when it’s not 2. Maybe because I know lots of 2’s that don’t.

I had six. I loved having children, loved all stages. Now all grown up and have DiLs and grandchildren and love keeps expanding. It’s really wonderful.

I just liked children, especially the toddler and primary school stage. By the time I discovered how difficult the teenage years could be, I couldn't send them back.

🤣

I am an only dc.. Hated it then and now. . Had 11..they will always have someone when I am gone..

My dm and df both lost their only sibling (ages 11 and 18) and then had six children. Neither of them wanted to contemplate that we would be left without a sibling so six of their own guaranteed it.

This is it for me too. I have two children currently and I don't enjoy the dynamic at all. I find the comparisons between them too harsh (not intentionally necessarily) and can already see how different their personalities will be as they grow older. I find having two quite competitive (even when I'm actively trying not to!).

I have 4 and never realised it was considered loads till I joined MN. No more for me.

A bit of that in it for me too. I grew up as an only child. I gained step siblings as an adult who I like very much, but it isn't the same (although it does give me hope that my DC will have 'cousins' one day! As BIL is firmly anti-children atm).

It's complicated. Religious reasons played a huge part, but also I didn't have a very present mother myself growing up, so I think I was unconsciously trying to recreate my own infant and babyhood with better experiences. My dc have a variety of ND diagnoses (not all became apparent until I had my youngest) and raising them continues to be very challenging. I didn't consider the consequences or full picture of what life would look like once my children grew into a houseful of young adults, teens, and primary school children. It's not easy. It can be fun, and interesting, and never boring. But I don't find it easy at all. The responsibility is heavy.

I just enjoy children, of all ages.

My sister is 8 years older than me so I felt like an only child growing up and hated it.
My dad died when I was 20 and 7 months pregnant with number 2, my mum died when I was 23 and number 3 was 6 months old, I had 6 in the end, I wanted to create my own family as I didn't have anyone any more since my parents died.
The kids are now 27,26,24,23,20 and 19.

Funny how attitudes are set by our own childhoods.

I'm one of five, and childhood wasn't pleasant - insufficient space, time, love, money, basic facilities. No privacy at all. It was a relief to leave home.

I have one child, but I've made sure I always have time for him, he knows every day that I love him and will fight his corner, his friends are welcome in our home, he gets to go on school trips and holidays, and is properly provided for, clothed and warm.

It'll be interesting to see what he chooses for his adult life. 🙂

I was one of three. Although my DM had me and DB1 close together and then DB2 9 years later.
I always wanted three. DH didn't really. We had 2 really close together and almost immediately I wanted number 3.
If I am totally honest I also wanted to try again for a girl. But would have also loved 3 boys.
I don't think I ever wanted more and anyway I ran out of time as we started late.
It's been fun and they all remain great friends. Dd is finding it tough being left behind as the older 2 have now left for uni..
It's odd with just one at home.

My mother died when I was a teenager too. I also have three siblings and it helped me having so many brothers/sisters around.
I have two children now, and I want another. For emotional support of each other, and for when there are hard times.

I am one of 3 and never happy with that. Asked Mum to have more at least give me a younger sibling. Nope.
She regrets it now and wishes she carried on as she loves being a Mum and having fammily over.
I woulr love 4 but I only Met OH 3 years ago. We are expecting 2DC next year and I will be 37. It would be nice to have 4 by 41 and be done. So we shall see.

My Parents come from large families 12 kids and OH is the same.

My sister is 9 years older than me so felt like an only child. Haven't spoken to her now in over 15 years. My dad died when I was 20 and my mum when I was 23.

I have 6 wanted a large family to always be surrounded by people as diverse don't really have any family.

They are all adults now, have 3 at home and I don't see them all together all the time but it is lovely when I do.

I see both sides. As an only (well a half brother 13yrs later who never lived with me and we're not close) I was always the star of the show. It made me super confident. A high achiever. Resourceful. Not clingy. Happily independent. It made me who I am today, and I'm hugely competent at a lot of things because my parents threw me at every hobby possible to meet friends.

But. Oh my god the boredom. I longed for a sibling. And the weird thing is, probably more so now as an adult. I'd love a sister to call and bitch and laugh and moan with. So, I had 3DC. Would have had 4, but the last two were DTwins and they've exhausted me, and now I'm finally at a stage of feeling awake enough for another, I really don't want to risk it at 41. If we had started younger, I'd have had 5 or 6.

I'm one of 4. I think my mum was addicted to having babies. She'd had 5 by the time she was 28 (my littlest brother sadly died a few days after his birth). H is one of two.

I was not maternal one bit. However once I'd had one, I understood my mother! I couldn't wait to have more!! Ended up with 3 but in different circumstances, it could very well have been 4 (or more)! Had to go with the head, not the heart.

TG really! The financial side is huge!!! Have one living at home saving for a house deposit, one studying in Europe with zero finance, and one at home in uni. All in their 20s.

I don't know what I envisaged, but it certainly wasn't this...

Interesting take from someone with 3 in their 20s - thank you. DH and I are in our 20s, lots of our friends living at home with their parents and/or relying on them financially in other ways - we are hoping we'll be able to afford to keep a big enough house for all of our children to comfortably live at home if they need to for as long as they'd like to, but who knows how the future will look? I know my PIL were absolutely not expecting to still have BIL living at home at 28!

I only have three so I don't think I am really a "larger family" but caught this on Active.

I always wanted a big family, I used to say I would have four or five. As a child I wanted to be a twin and wished that I was part of a busy, chaotic family - I think I thought it would be like when we got together with our cousins and had the best fun ever, all the time. In reality it probably wouldn't have been!

Anyway it dawned on me at some point (erm, after kids ) that having a big family as the mum wouldn't be quite the same because I wouldn't be running around with all the children having amazing amounts of fun, I would be the mum doing all the mum things, which is quite a lot of work when you have more children. And while I still loved the idea of cramming everyone into one car and having some implausible combination of bunk beds (I don't know why but I am still absolutely thrilled and fascinated by these things) and I loved the idea of my kids getting to have their own little gang, everything just sort of felt full and complete by the time we had three and I'm definitely not happy about the idea of giving birth ever again, so I don't want any more.

Having three feels like an absolute wonder and a privilege though. Having three with all their different personalities is magic. I would do it all again just to find out what the rest would be like. I love the newborn stage, I love pregnancy, I love toddlers, love teens so far.

I live out my fantasies on FB reels about newborns, twins and families with very small age gaps - even though I absolutely judge the parents for monetizing their children. It's totally hypocritical of me but I can't help it every time one of those videos gets suggested.

@BertieBotts you sound just like me, right down to judging the parents for monetising their children... but still watching! (Have you ever watched the Australian mum of 9, soon to be 10, who had 3 singletons then triplets all within 3 years? I can't help but be fascinated). I'm an only child and absolutely craved the busy/full/chaotic experience of being at my cousin's house (5 children in their family); it felt so warm and 'not lonely'. I simultaneously never want our house to feel empty and quiet, but also like it to be calm - which is already never is!

DH always wanted 1 or 4. His justification was that you either really want to be able to give them attention, or you want to have a little tribe that look after each other. He felt that 2 were likelyto see each other as competiton (hapenned with hishisuch younger half-brothers).

I always assumed if have 2. I used to dream of having 4, and as a teenager used to sketch dream houses, always with 5 bedrooms so the 4 kids would have their own rooms. Never thought od actually have 4kids though. Snuggling DC4 right now. Don't have 5 bedrooms though, more's the pity!

No I haven't seen her, but that sounds amazing I do know someone IRL who has two sets of twins.

In those things where you're a child planning your future ideal family I always thought it would be unfair to leave a girl/boy on their own, so I thought I'd keep going until I didn't have any singletons. I suppose I sort of did that as I have three boys. If I had another child, according to my theory if I had a fourth boy then I could stop but if I had a girl then I'd have to keep having children until I have at least two girls. This is obviously bonkers!!

Another random plan I had was to have 5 children with the age gaps: 4/3/2/1 years. So that when the last one was born they would be: 0, 1, 3, 6, 10. This was so that I could get used to being a parent with the first one and then they could help me out with the little ones, but I'd still get to have loads of little cute ones all together.

I think as a child I spent an unusual amount of time thinking about my future children. If I was a sim I would be a Family aspiration.

We are also supposed to have lots of pets, that hasn't happened either because it turns out animals are actually quite a big responsibility, so you have to plan for them and stuff.