4 or stick with 3?

[3isthemagicnumberrr]

Would love to hear from people who made this decision. If we had another, our likely age gaps would be 4.5-5 (DTs), 2-2.5 when #4 arrives.

Any major logistical/ other considerations apart from money and time for each child?

The obvious one is you need a people carrier rather than a normal car.

4 x phones, clothes, camps, clubs etc... rather than 3. I think someone would need to be minted to have four kids.

Sorry not an answer to your question but how do you cope with 3? We are undecided over no 3 , does the broody feeling pass? DS is 8months old DD is 5.

@Farmersswife I think everyone adapts to the situation they are in. When DTs were born I struggled to take the two of them out alone. Now I have DTs (3) and their baby brother 5 days a week. It’s full on but everyone is happy. I find the balance of needs for different ages challenging, and on balance would have had a slightly bigger gap (we have a 2y4m gap) to ensure DTs were potty trained and at pre school part time. For me the broody feeling hasn’t passed yet….

We're expecting DC4.

How does your DH do with managing 3? This has been challenging for us.... I'm rather tired but he's bad at getting out twins down at bedtime and isn't great with juggling 3 in most scenarios.

Obviously car implications - what do you drive? We have a people carrier. Still requires some thought about who goes where, especially for long journeys.

Bedrooms - my eldest really wants to share with her little sister somewhere down theline. If DC4 had been another boy though it would have been less obvious what to do.... what is your situation?

We have four. Their ages are 11, 10, 4 and 2. Our eldest are very close and get along well. I wanted our third child to also have that and it has worked fantastically for us. All four children have lovely relationships. Our children are quite calm and well behaved (not saying this is due to our parenting, it has just been their nature) should they have been more challenging for example argued a lot (like me and my siblings!) we may not have had as many. We have a 7 seater car, and travel abroad twice a year. I have friends with only children that I know have more of certain things such as 1:1 time with parents (as well as substantial savings for their children!), however I am happy with our decision, in fact I often think thank god we had a fourth as there seems to be a balance in our home.
All four children will be at different educational settings this year, so this will make things more challenging! But luckily next year it will go down to two.

Oh, and think about age gaps - what do you want them to be able to do RELIABLY independently? E.g. potty training, sleeping, getting themselves dressed, preschool..... We have larger age gaps and it's been very useful. Eldest is 4 years older than DTwins, which made everything much easier when they were at their most needy. They'll be 3 when DC4 is born and are mostly pretty good with sleeping and potty training (not always!!!). It was enormously handy that DD1 was able to entertain herself for relatively long periods when I was getting DTwins settled for a nap. I worry about that this time as DTwins will merrily entertain themselves, but might well do something like draw on the walls/shred a book if left unsupervised for long.... so I think with hindsight we maybe should have waited another 6 months or so.

I've just had my fourth and I absolutely love the dynamic. We already had a people carrier so we didn't need to upgrade our car. Also have a 4 bed house so we have enough space. Go for it!

I’d say if you feel you have everything sorted like money and childcare, what is your bedroom situation? Do you have enough bedrooms regardless of what sex the new baby would be? I know loads of kids share but my personal preference is that kids have their own bedrooms, which is one of the many reasons i’m stopping at 2.

I genuinely think 4 would be better balanced than 3. The reason we aren’t having more is Dh doesn’t want more, and money - overseas holidays, private schools. They would have to share two each in a bedroom until we move/build but that doesn’t bother me.

Thanks everyone for the responses, some useful things to think about.

In answer to qs…
DH copes well with 3 but isn’t keen on #4 in the same way as I am.

Bedrooms, we have 4 doubles, and 2 boys and a girl. Currently DTs share, baby is in own room, and we have a playroom (our old master bedroom). Our long term plan is to extend downstairs, and as part of that we would have a new adult living room downstairs, but if we had #4 could be a bedroom. Equally our loft bedroom could be split in 2.

Cars, we have a 7 seater already although never use the back seats as the boot is full of pushchair and all sorts of other stuff. Feel like we would need a bus if we had another baby…!

Age gaps. Ideally I would have a 3 year gap between baby and new baby, to (hopefully) have potty training sorted, walking without need for a pushchair etc. but DH is pushing 40 and wouldn’t want to be 42 having a baby. I guess for the sake of a year it doesn’t make much difference…….