Having a hard time accept baby no4 is my last

[Greenqueen27]

I have 4 children, my first child was from a previous "relationship" (I would use that word loosely) DS1's dad left me when I was pregnant and made everything about my pregnancy and after hell. When DS was 3, almost 4 his dad decided he wanted a relationship with him so we got a court order which had been in place for a few years so they see eachother regularly and his dad pays maintenance.

i met my fiancé when DS was a baby and we always knew we'd have at least 2 children together. We had a son then a daughter and last year I found out I was pregnant with baby no.4 who was born 4 weeks ago. This wasn't planned but luckily it works for us financially. We both work full time, I work from home which means childcare is less of a juggle and we have very supportive families too. Plus with DS1's dad paying maintenance it lessens the financial burden a large family can bring.

we'd always considered a 4th child (our 3rd together) but it was something we were going to put off for some time IF we decided to have another child. When I found out I was pregnant I was filled with dread and spent a lot of the pregnancy depressed. Now our baby is here I can't believe I ever doubted it being a good thing. I know it's probably hormones because it's only been 4 weeks since giving birth but I feel this immense grief knowing he's my last baby. Whenever I think about it it makes me feel so sad that I feel sick. If I hear other people talking about wanting another baby I feel a bit jealous. I was an only child and hated it. When I was little I always wanted 6 children (obviously this was before knowing what even one child entailed!!).
I am so grateful for 4 beautiful healthy children, and after an awful pregnancy with DS1 I'm so grateful I experienced 3 pregnancies with an excited and supportive partner. But I can't shake this sadness of never having another baby.
i'm hopefully going to get sterilised because I need the choice to be taken away from me, but im not sure if my strong feelings are just hormones because I've literally just had a baby.

please tell me I'll feel better soon. Has anyone else felt like this?

Sorry just realised I should have proof read this post properly so it makes sense!

When my twins were a few weeks old I thought “I could go for a 4th”. It absolutely was the hormones talking! It was very emotional sorting through their tiny baby clothes, I held onto a lot for a while.

By the time they reached one I knew I was done. No way did I want another (or 2 knowing my luck!) then. They’re 2 now and I’m really happy cooing over tiny babies, but relieved that I never have to go through pregnancy and the baby stage ever again. I’m looking forward to the twins being potty trained and the independence I’ll get when they can do more for themselves.

That said, I never planned a large family. I was only planning 1-2 kids but 2 & 3 are twins so the choice was taken away from me. I can see how if the decision was “rushed” by circumstances it might feel harder for you.

@TheMagicDeckchair thank you so much for replying. I feel better knowing it's probably just hormones. A lot of people think we're crazy for having a 4th , but because my eldest isn't "ours" we knew we always wanted to experience a few children together. My eldest adores his siblings and he doesn't have any yet on his bio dads side so he really dotes on them. There just isn't as much pressure when one is split with time with other family. It always lures me into thinking we can have one more. i find newborns really boring so I don't know why I yearn for another so much when my children are at ages I absolutely adore. I can't wait for the hormones to settle!

I have 3dc but still don't feel done (we can't afford any more sadly). However I was insanely jealous / wrapped up in the broodiness until around my youngest turned 18 months (she's 3 and a 1/2 now) I don't think having her in the middle of lockdown helped as I felt "robbed" of all those " last " baby moments - baby groups, swimming etc. Time is definitely, definitely helping.

However now I am finding myself not thinking about it much - I'm planning holidays, trips out, days out and moments before my eldest enters teenagehood and doesn't want to do family trips to the farm. I'm really really enjoying family life as it is. We go to museums, farms, theme parks and they're are actually fun - take last weekend for example we went to a water park. I got to race my eldest down the flumes, go on inflatable with my middle, splash with my youngest - if I had a 4th (or 5th if I was rich enough!) I'd of been sat on the side breastfeeding or taking the youngest out early as the water would be too cold type of thing. It's definitely got its highlights not having a baby underfoot! I'm also enjoying mornings when my youngest is at nursery - if I'm not at work I'm at the gym or reading a book in peace with a huge slice of cake after having a relaxing bath noone needing me.. There's a nice silver lining to contentment with my family being great as it is for now (I haven't ruled out a 4th but it's definitely not all consuming)

Time will definitely help - I wish you all the best and hope you find peace.

@Midnightpumpkin this has helped so much thank you!
I know what you mean saying you feel robbed due to lockdown, I was like that with my 2nd, a lot of his babyhood was spent isolating and we missed out on so much. Also, with my last pregnancy I feel robbed because I didn't enjoy it for worrying about having another baby, and if I knew then what I do now I'd have loved every minute of being pregnant. I just didn't expect to be so happy with another baby, which is probably why I have the want for another.

i had my first baby at 20 so came into motherhood early but I've just loved every second of it. My children are all close in age (the 3DC I have with my partner) they're aged 3,2 and 4 weeks and I love that they'll grow together and be into the same things at the same time which should make days out easy! I'm only 28 and have been warned it'll be very hard to get sterilised due to my age. But then I think I still have a lot of fertile years left what if in my mid-late 30s I don't feel done. But I think this is why I need the option taken away ! my fiancé won't get the snip either but I think he could be persuaded so maybe that will do!

I have a toddler and am pregnant. Wasn’t really in my life plan, but I’m going with it. I’m in a fortunate position in many respects. I have never, ever felt ‘broody’. I’ve never yearned for a child or been able to relate to that feeling when people talk about it. I am so grateful for this. It sounds all-consuming, exhausting and like it lurks behind some quite poor decisions!

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom I'm glad you're in a comfortable position with your family in terms of how many children you want. It's a horrible feeling, hormones or not, to want another baby but knowing you're not in a position to. For me, I do believe it's all hormonal as I have more than enough children and I'm so fortunate that we're financially and mentally comfortable with this. Could be baby blues for me I just feel such an element of sadness that I'll never have another baby.

I think just let it run it’s course, and don’t act on it. You’ve got four healthy children. But let yourself be sad, but if it’s ruining the enjoyment of the existing ones, especially the newest one, seek some help.

I only ever planned to have maybe 1 or 2 but ended up with 5. I think I’m just one of those people who would always love another baby. I fell pregnant after DC3 and I lost a little boy and it was the worst most painful heartbreak ever and I still grieve him every day. After losing my angel I was very lucky to fall pregnant again but with twins, it was a very tricky and anxiety filled pregnancy and I was honestly filled with fear most of the time. I decided that if my twins were born safely I would be sterilised, which I did and was sterilised during my C-section. Like you I felt the need to take the option away from myself and I also felt like I could never risk losing another child.

Following the birth of my twins and my sterilisation I was pretty sad and regretful for a good few months. I had these gorgeous babies who I was so in love with but every time they grew out of clothes and every stage and milestone that passed I was so sad that it would be the very last time I would be doing it. I also very much regretted not enjoying my pregnancy more, I was too scared to just relax and be happy, instead I worried endlessly. Those twins are now toddlers and I’m 41, I’m so glad now that I was sterilised and as much as I will always love babies I am happy to know that I am done having my own. Looking back I think hormones played a huge part in how I was feeling, and after my loss I was just consumed with trying so hard to enjoy and savour every moment of their babyhood.

Give yourself a break and try not to let the melancholy of not having another overtake you. You are still young and you may have more and maybe you won’t, remind yourself that at the moment nothing is set in stone, let the hormones settle and there is a good chance in a few months you’ll be feeling less sad about things.

It's the hormones. I promise! I was the same, they're all upper primary school now and it faded! just enjoy the moment and revisit in a year or so

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom thank you - I'd like to think my common sense would prevent me from acting on it.. that and the fact that 4 children is a contraception in itself (chance would be a fine thing!). Hopefully it passes relatively quickly. I think talking about it helps actually.

@Lillygolightly thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy, I can't imagine how hard the pregnancy afterwards must have been. Even though I know it is just hormones most likely it's such a sad feeling. Then I feel guilty for feeling sad because I must sound ungrateful for having 4 healthy children but sometimes I wonder is it another baby I want or do I just want to experience them as babies again. Maybe a bit of both. I've had a case of the baby blues this time which subsided around a week ago and I can go over 24hrs without crying now! So maybe this is just part of that.

@Emanresu9 thank you! I think the hormones are definitely the reason. I feel better knowing it's faded for others, I'm definitely in the throws of some strong post partum hormones.