4th Baby?

[beckyt12345]

These are the details: We have 3 children: 7, 5 and 2. My OH and I are both 37. We were certain we would be 'done' having our 3rd but I just can't seem to shake the feeling of wanting another baby. I think my OH would be too.
I was hoping to get other peoples reasons for adding more children to their family. I feel like we're already down the rabbit-hole of having a big family (bigger car, bigger house, restricted on holidays etc).
Should also mention that our middle child is pending assessment for autism so we're worried we would struggle to split even more of our time for her. We also have very little family network but not getting couples time is already familiar for us. My OH has to work away a few times a yr for a wk at a time which is a struggle but I'm learning to juggle.
My OH is worried about our age - are we more likely to have complications?
I've also had 3 c sections too so I'm worried about that - would I need to speak to a doctor first?
Thank you if u managed to read all of this. It's a little wishy-washy but I really needed to get all of this out with others who have been in a similar dilemma.

If you want to do it then just go for it. I have 5 kids and my 2 oldest are autistic, it's quiet chaotic sometimes but we manage. All my kids absolutely love having a little brother

I really want another. We won't have one for variety of reasons. However today I picked up a friend's kids and realised how hard doing more seatbelts are. I know it's tiny but it made me realise how much more work we would have.

I'm 42, have 3 older children (much older) and have recently found out I'm expecting,

I have had 3 c sections and am under no disillusions that another one is more risky.

But we are where we are so I intend to embrace it 😀

I wouldn’t as I’ve now had mine go through Uni 💰

If you can afford it, have the space and the time for all the kids individually, then go for it.

Will you be able to manage with Uni? Clubs? Activities?

Can you manage financially? Emotionally? Time wise? Do you just like babies? Nothing wrong with having a 4th if it’s something you want and have the capacity to do well.

Congratulations! Has the midwife said anything about extra scans etc to check for scar tissue? I'm worried that they may say it's risky going for me to have a 4th c-section. obviously the baby has to come out but have they eluded to any complications with a 4th?

You are really underestimating how much time your potentially ASD child will need you and take up your time each and every year it gets harder and harder.
What if a fourth ends up with similar or higher needs.
It isn't a rare occurrence, these things often run in families, that's why we stopped at 3.

My friend has had 4 c sections and she didn't have extra scans. Her recovery post fourth section was slower than say first is second but that is to be expected.

I’ve recently had my fourth baby and C-section. High risk pregnancy, lots of scans and very stressful. Baby also arrived 5 weeks premature due to the placenta coming away. But they’re here and safe and were very much wanted.

DC2 has autism and is 10, as they’re getting older with secondary considerations etc it’s becoming harder to manage. The logistics of four children are very complicated and that’s with my family being very close by and very helpful.

Another thing to take into consideration is if any of your other children will have SEN. When I was pregnant DC3 was also referred to for an autism assessment (we’re waiting but behaviour is exactly like DC2 so v unlikely not to get a diagnosis).

I’ve always wanted four children and obviously wouldn’t be without them, but the mental load of having a child with ASD is a lot. Everything is a battle and now secondary’s coming up we’re having to fight to get them the provisions they need. This of course might not be the case with your area but it is with ours.

To cut a long story short; we had another baby because we’ve always wanted four children but having a child with SEN is hard and if you don’t have a support network I would think very carefully about adding to your family.

@beckyt12345 I came to post a similar question! Wondering about the jump/ decision to go from 3 to 4. I’ve also had 3 c sections and had bad scarring last time. I am going to try to speak to my obstetrician from my last pregnancy (not sure if I need to go via GP) to help make an informed decision…

My situation is very different, I haven’t had any C sections, no autism diagnoses, special needs, or symptoms (at least not yet), and I was 31 having my last child. But I can tell you what four kids is like in our house. They’re all under 7. It’s almost always fine, loud and messy but fine. Then there are periods of total chaos. The toddler is hurting the baby, the older ones are fighting, someone breaks a glass and now there’s glass everywhere, you’ve burnt whatever you were cooking, the toddler is pulling all the washing off the line and the baby has fallen onto his face, you didn’t make that appointment you were supposed to. It’s all happening and you don’t have enough hands. But watching four kids grow together and watching all their little dynamics change is awesome. It’s a lot of kids, but it’s worth it for us.