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Original poster

Those who debated termination but didn't. Oopsie baby.

8 replies

N400 · 02/05/2023 09:32

Hi everyone,

I found out about 5 weeks ago that I'm pregnant with an oopsie 3rd (failed contraception). We already have 2 who are aged 10 and 6.5. we always said we were done, planned how we will spend the next 5-10 years , all these great exciting things blah blah.

We decided on a termination. However when push came to shove I just couldn't do it. We decided to go ahead with it despite both feeling unsure.
Sometimes I get warm happy feelings of having another one, the children will be excited etc etc. However I then get sheer fear and anxiety because I read such horror stories that I'm going to ruin the lives of our other 2- days out will never be the same as we won't find anything they all like and then the worry that this one will be like an only child?? When this one starts school, middle one will be starting high school and eldest will be doing GCSEs.

Is there anyone who was so close to having a termination and didn't ...and went on to have the baby that would share how they felt once baby was born (or even if the anxiety etc settles as the pregnancy progresses)?. I'm aware I can still terminate but that doesn't feel an option for us anymore.

Thank you

OP posts:
Treesnbirds · 21/05/2023 23:41

Hi there, we had a surprise 4th... it was a shock and has been hard but the older kids ADORE the baby, even our 2 year old who I was most worried about. We are a year in now and def getting easier.
I think it just always is a big deal having a baby, but as before, the highs are magical. I hope all goes well for you. Nothing harder than going from 0-1 we always say!

nofluffsgiven · 21/06/2023 06:16

Our youngest (5th child) was an oops, my husband was adamant he wanted me to have a termination at first. We had a few weeks at the beginning where we had many heated arguments about it and it nearly broke us up. In the end I gave him the ultimatum that if I had a termination then it would also mean divorce, because I wouldn't want to be with him after he made me do that. He very quickly backtracked when he realised I was serious. I did worry that he would resent me, but once DH accepted we were having a 5th everything was fine and we just got on with things. 5th child is now 2, he's fitted in to the family fine and we wouldn't be without him, DH adores him.

Goingthere · 21/06/2023 06:33

If it helps to ease your worries a little bit, I have a sibling 10 years younger and the age gap never prevented us from having a close bond.

Greenqueen27 · 30/06/2023 10:38

I found out I was pregnant with baby no4 last September. He's mine and my fiancés third baby (I have a child from a previous relationship). I'm one of those people who will always love the idea of another baby. Like if someone left one in my doorstep id be thrilled. I was devastated though, my fiancé didn't want another baby at all or at least for a long time. I went to bpas for a termination but they couldn't do it because they couldn't see a sac. It was assumed I'd potentially miscarried, but when I went back at a later date we could see a baby and a heartbeat. Id booked a surgical abortion so I didn't have to see anything but the day before they cancelled on me and rearranged for a week later. I was so relieved and it was then I realised I wasn't 100% on me decision to terminate. The day before we rang our parents to arrange childcare while for the procedure and they asked if it's something we really wanted to go through with and my fiancé admitted he didn't know. It was in that moment we just decided we couldn't do it. I spent a lot of my pregnancy depressed wishing I wasn't pregnant, but in the same breath wanting to pick baby names.

anyway, said baby is now 4 weeks old and I'm absolutely blown away with how much he's fitted in and how much I love him. If I knew then what I do now I'd have enjoyed my pregnancy. Especially as it was my last.

my age gap isn't as big, my eldest is almost 8 and youngest 2 but I was done with the baby stage and felt like I was getting a little independence back so I know going back to the baby stage can feel difficult. But in my experience there isn't a single ounce of regret.

h1d1ng1npla1ns1ght · 05/07/2023 10:22

I had an unplanned fourth that I almost terminated. I struggled with feeling like I’d ruin my existing kids’ lives, three suited us well and felt pretty easy. I flip flopped early on. I had hyperemesis which made me feel like I’d sunk so much energy and suffering into the pregnancy already that I should keep it. Like a sunk cost thing. Awful pregnancy and PPD meant I didn’t exactly regret it but I definitely had mixed feelings for a while. He’s a year old now and I can’t imagine life without him. It’s really hard, the jump from three to four, but it’s so worth it now. I love having four.

Original poster
N400 · 05/07/2023 14:54

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately I had a missed miscarriage. Had to have surgery when I should have been telling friends and family.

Now I can't stop thinking about trying for a baby, despite this post where my head used to be!

OP posts:
Greenqueen27 · 05/07/2023 17:20

@N400 I am so sorry OP, I hope you're recovering well and looking after yourself. It must be a lot to get your head around.

h1d1ng1npla1ns1ght · 06/07/2023 01:12

Oh I’m so sorry, that’s so hard. I hope you’re surrounded by people supporting you.

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