Can’t shake the 3rd baby niggle

[Chillyseadippin1]

It’s more than a niggle. It’s a yearning.. and I’m struggling to get past it.

19 months between Dc1 and Dc2 - now 4&3. Was never any question about trying for DC2. I adore them, yes it was hard with small gap and it’s a juggle now around work but I absolutely love it all. Everything about being a family. They are a delight and we are lucky.

So why can’t I stop this intense feeling of wanting another? It’s making me sad at times when really I should just be enjoying these pre school days with my kids (I’m not moping about the place- but I get pangs often. I see a family of 3 or a pregnant woman and the feeling in my chest is real)

I just want another baby, another child, another sibling for my DC - a busy household, and eventually, with a bit of luck- another adult DC to share times with in the future. That’s the long and the short of it really.

We’re not so young, and nursery fees have crippled us, no doubt university may do the same in future, and we have no family help whatsoever. All very valid sensible reasons why we won’t have another- and reasons enough for my DH. Which I respect.Also I thought I would want 2. Though now I just wish really hard he had wanted another as then the ‘reasons’ wouldn’t have matter and we’d have found a way through. I won’t try and change his mind, it’s too much work to be a reluctant / pushed into it.

Anyone been here and it has eased with time?

I’m currently finding that time passing is just making me feel these feelings more intensely as my ideal small age gap has already passed.. maybe it’s a ramping up and then an acceptance will arrive.

(please don’t get me wrong I know we are very lucky to have what we have)

Probably posting in the wrong thread here as many will have 2+

Be careful what you wish for - our third baby was twins!
They don’t run in either of our families but far more likely if you are older and have had previous DCs.

Oof! that’s quite an increase to the family in one go hey :) I’m certainly of the age where eggs would be firing off left right and centre

I know we won’t have another.. I just wish I could park the feeling of wanting to.

It fades completely once your children get older and you’re not around babies regularly.
honestly, you’ll shudder at the thought of nappies and sleepless nights.

My children are 2.5 and nearly 4 so very similar to yours.
I really really want another baby, I have always pictured having three children and now they are playing together it makes me want one even more so they can be a little gang together!
However, logistically it doesn't seem like the right thing to do: more expensive holidays, more money on clubs etc, less time with each one of them.
Butttt I still think q third would just bring so much joy into the house!!
I am not sure what we will do. My husband doesn't want one qny time soon, but I also don't want one if it isn't soon... so may never happen

Do you have 2 of the same sex? I had a 3rd and every day I cannot believe how lucky we got to have them in our life now!! Is it easy? Nope! Is it worth it - 1000%! I get shivers thinking we may have just decided to stick at two and they wouldn’t be in our life, and how we could’ve easily made that decision!

Ahh so happy for you!! I have two daughters at the moment. What sex are your children?

Our family is complete now we have our 3rd. It took us a good while to make a final call and try for baby no 3 but deep down we both knew it was meant to be and we and our older DCs couldn't be happier! The excitement still lasts 18 months later ☺️

I do have two the same sex. I picture a 3rd of the same sex but that’s only really because I don’t know any different first hand. A third of the op sex would add a whole new dimension to our family again :)
what ages are yours?

chocolateisnice : sending you solidarity - it’s a tricky spot to be in isn’t it

We went for a 3rd - a boy after 2 girls. He's an utter delight. Only 3 months old but I don't remember not having him now! We have big age gaps, the girls are just turned 8 and 5. They adore him. I think you should discuss how you're feeling with your husband, to either put it to bed once and for all, or see if he might change his mind. You don't want these feelings to continue indefinitely and spoil these precious years with your children.

I've had this yearning for a 3rd for 2 years now and although we've decided not to go ahead the niggle is still there. It's taken me ages to process my feelings and go through all the pros and cons. I now know that in my heart I want another, but I also don't want to sacrifice anything with my current two either and that is where the struggle is. We have a good income, but live in an expensive area and would want/need to move really if we had a 3rd. That obviously puts pressure on us to keep working FT and that sounds hard with three kids and will make us busy/stressed and take away from the time/attention we can give to each DC. So in a way I know it is possible, but feel we would be too busy/stressed to enjoy it fully. Knowing that it is possible is part of the problem - if I didn't know it was an option I think I'd make peace with it a lot more easily and get on with my life.

@Zorilla I empathise with so much of what you write here. I can’t send any advice, but I know where you are and it is hard. You are trying your best to do the right thing for your current family (as am I) and for that we need to give ourselves a break.. but ignoring that longing is so hard.

I’m in the same position. I always wanted three children and still really want a third. My husband doesn’t and his reasons are valid. I suffered a lot of losses between my children, some very late on and it was an incredibly difficult time. DH doesn’t want to risk going through all that again, we don’t have room in our house, the cost of kids, holidays etc etc all perfectly good reasons which I agree with and so we won’t have a third. It doesn’t stop me longing for one though and being sad it won’t happen.
DD is only three months and I want to really enjoy her so by the time we’d even think about a third I’d be over 40. I’ve been told the feeling will fade as they got older OP so I guess we just have to hope that’s true seeing as neither of us are going to try change DH’s minds!

I get this sometimes. Currently 2 and 3 year old.

all logic says don’t. But I still get an occasional pang. Thing is, I REALLY struggle with the newborn stage and had rough pregnancies and I don’t think I can do it again.

DH would have another in a heartbeat, which doesn’t help!! 🙈

I also have a 2 year old and 3 year old. I found the newborn stage so difficult... but I just think about how lovely it will be for three kids to hang out with each other!! My husband is the opposite, he is all about logic and definitely says no (at the moment!)