Unplanned 3rd pregnancy, so distressed

[Buster882]

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with our 3rd baby (7weeks). We already ready have 2 children (nearly 3 and nearly 1). I have only been back at work for 1 week since my last Mat leave.

This pregnancy was a complete shock and unplanned (failed contraception). I was very happy with 2 children and the path I thought we were on. There are many reasons why i am so worried about a 3rd: my age (40), having 3 under 4 years at my age, my work not being happy about 3 Mat leaves in 3 years and the impact on my career. Financial - I am the main breadwinner and I feel so much pressure to maintain my career which is also very important to me. I feel those reasons don’t sound ‘good enough’ when I say them out loud but collectively I am just worried we won’t cope. There are also the challenges of the additional logistics and cost of 3 vs 2.

My partner is very supportive but I’ve told him he needs to do more to help if we go ahead and I’m not sure he really will/can. I think deep down he wants it and I’m worried he won’t forgive me if we don’t go ahead. I’m not sure if I would forgive me either. I’ve had some counselling but still just go around in circles. I keep coming back to ‘I don’t want to be pregnant but I don’t want a termination.’ Children are such a blessing and I feel so guilty.

Did anyone else feel like this? Thank you.

Hi OP, I was you, this time last year. I found out I was very unexpectedly pregnant with #4. I was an absolute mess, so down, crying, exhausted.

For a multitude of personal reasons, I couldn’t have a termination, but it was an extremely confusing and overwhelming time for me.

Baby #4 is here, and is the most delightful, gorgeous thing in the world. We are all obsessed!

Some days have been hard, but, overall, we are really loving it.

That being said, my DH has really stepped up, and we have worked together to give each other some small amounts of time to pursue hobbies to give us some freedom.

We have no additional help (I am a SAHM, but while that may seem easier, as I often say, my job just gets harder and more responsible without any additional training or remuneration 🤣).

I wish you the very best.

I was in a similar situation 2 years ago. I absolutely did not want to be pregnant, but equally did not want to actively end the pregnancy (and DH did not want to entertain this option either)

DC3 is now 18 months old and I could not imagine life without them. That said, it has not been easy and just as I thought I was leaving the hard baby years behind and rediscovering 'me', I was back at the beginning of a very dark tunnel. We

I wish I had some advice for you but all I will say is that it's great you and your DH are talking about it, communication and openess is critical.

Thank you so much for the kind words

Hi,

Sorry i don’t have any advice, I could have wrote this post myself as I am in the exact same situation right now.

I found out yesterday that I am expecting my 3rd (massive shock) both me and my partner had already agreed we were happy with 2, girl & boy (age 3 and 7 months) and didn’t plan on having anymore.

my last pregnancy was super hard I had complications from the beginning and ended up delivering my son at 25 weeks and we had a 5 month NICU stay with many hurdles and we are very very lucky he is still here as we nearly lost him more than once. Although he’s 7 months he is only 3 months corrected so my worries are the same as yours. How will I cope? Can we afford it as 2 is expensive enough. Is it fair on them to bring another child into the family when they are so young and been through so much since my last pregnancy. And also will things repeat themselves and will I have complications and another Prem baby?

I don’t mean to make this about myself I’m simply just expressing how much I can relate to you right now and you are not alone. I truly do not know what to do, my partner is supportive but has made it clear he doesn’t think continuing with the pregnancy would be the best/right thing. The decision is mine at the end of the day but could I live with having a termination? Am I being selfish? If I decide to continue with the pregnancy will this ruin the dynamic of our family and will my partner end up resenting me for it. I’m so confused and lost.

I feel guilty too for feeling this way as I too don’t want to be pregnant but don’t want to have a termination.

I hope whatever happens that you are okay and do what’s best for you ❤️

I fell pregnant unexpectedly (failed contraception and then morning after pill) last year. Age gaps would’ve been 2.5 and 4.5 years. I decided to terminate the pregnancy after a torturous few weeks of trying to decide, counselling with BPAS, endless discussions with friends and family etc. It’s been incredibly difficult at times since but the would be due date passed last week and I can honestly now say it was the right thing to do at the time. I found a 2 year age gap intense and it wouldn’t have worked out well for any of us to go through it again with a third.

That said, I had a very strong reaction of regret immediately after I took the pills and a lot of what got me through the weeks and months after the abortion was the thought that I could try again if I wanted to.

As background I’m 36, have a good amount of support from family looking after the kids, work part time in a fairly stressful job and have quite major anxiety and I just couldn’t risk a potential mental health spiral during pregnancy/ postpartum.

I sometimes feel sad about it still but I think mainly because I was in the position of having to make that horrible decision, and I signed off my reproductive life with an abortion. But then I think about the cost of living, state of the climate, the amount of attention my existing two need and feel a wave of relief.

There’s no right or wrong answer and probably either decision is going to result in a lot of emotional fallout for the next 9 months/ year. Wishing you the best whatever you decide!

Seek all medical tests so your decision is as informed as it can be. Good luck.