Dynamics of 1 baby and older half siblings

8 replies

Ebobo43 · 24/04/2023 09:59

Hi all,

i have a baby with my husband (my first, his 4th).
the older 3 are 9, 11 & 14.
hadn’t planned such a big gap but some things don’t happen so easily. The older 3 are great with baby etc
for various reasons, we will not be able to have another child.
I think I’m starting to feel a little guilty - will my baby miss out being without siblings more than Half the week? They won’t have a little play mate the same age? Or do you think it will be ok? The older 3 are still here a lot & even pop round days they are not staying with us (desperate to see baby etc). Baby had so much fun with them and squeals with excitement when they come round. We are lucky they have all bonded so well. But I feel a little sad whenever they leave and baby stands watching at the window.. 😞
wondering if anyone in similar situation or has been that kid themselves? or if anyone has any thoughts/ words of wisdom etc
thanks 🙏

OP posts:

VladimirVsVolodymyr · 24/04/2023 23:00

I think you've crossed the biggest hurdle and the older siblings love their little sibling. It is wonderful to hear that and long May it continue. In time as he gets older he can go out with his siblings and if you're that close he can visit them at home. With siblings like that I doubt he'll miss out on anything, sounds like the contrary. You sound like a well adjusted family, keep encouraging them and make sure they make great memories. Best of luck.x

BigFloppa · 24/04/2023 23:07

My ex husband has had further children since we split up so my 2 who are 11 and 7 have siblings aged 5 and 10 months.

They absolutely adore their new siblings. They have lots of FaceTime when my children are with me and I also facilitate the 5 year old coming to stay in the school holidays. I think we have worked out a nice arrangement and I am really fond of my kids new siblings too!

VladimirVsVolodymyr · 24/04/2023 23:09

@BigFloppa just want to say that's fantastic to read, so heartwarming 👏👏👏

BigFloppa · 24/04/2023 23:11

Thank you!

It took a while to get there but I'm glad it worked out this way!

tinselandjoy · 25/04/2023 07:51

I don't think it comes down to the age gap itself, it will be more how well the older DC continue to be welcomed, and their own relationships with DH, you and each other IMHO. Still doing things like having days out together, or holidays, helps create family memories that keep them cemented together and give them a bond.

I have a couple of experiences of big age gaps/half siblings. My ex had a (half)sister 13 years younger than him and they were really close. Meanwhile my MIL's 'full' brother is 11 years older and they really have nothing in common because their family unit wasn't kept together very strongly once he left home. He was never there for Christmases etc so was very soon a virtual stranger by the time MIL was about 10.

Original poster

Ebobo43 · 25/04/2023 09:53

@VladimirVsVolodymyr Thank you so much for your lovely comments. It does make me feel better. we are a well adjusted family and so lucky how well the children have all bonded together. I guess I have felt guilty as well that the older 3 are much closer in age and then a big gap, but I know that could happen in any family.
@BigFloppa thank you for sharing it from the other side! We have a great relationship with their mother too and that really does help doesn’t it? I know it can’t be easy and I am very grateful that their mother has also fully embraced and very fond of our baby!
I’m sure she wants the older 3 to have just as close a relationship with baby. In fact just the other day she called as 2 of the kids were busy and the 3rd was desperate to see baby so came and spent the day with us!
@tinselandjoy thanks you. I think we are on the right path then! So I guess I have been over thinking the age gap!

to be honest the kids never refer to baby as half sibling. Just sibling. They were honestly so excited to have a blood bond between us :)

OP posts:

user1492757084 · 28/04/2023 02:37

Make time with close friends with similar aged children and also treasure and get to know tiny cousins.

Missmatchedgirl · 28/04/2023 04:17

I was in a similar position as you, 2 older half siblings to my son, they all get on great but I was worried that he would feel left out when he's older and miss them when they aren't here. Particularly as the older 2 girls are so close.

I'm currently pregnant with my second, and now I worry about splitting my time between the 2, and wonder if the new baby is a girl will the older 2 be closer to her than him....I think it shows that whatever the situation a parent worries about something!!!

It sounds like you have great family dynamics. Your child gets the best of both worlds being your only and yet has loving siblings!

Flip