Would you have a third if this was your situation?

[kierrashouse54]

Our plan was to have two children, but never felt the complete feeling I expected to feel after dc2. It broke my heart to try and accept it was the last time to experience it all. I've felt broody everyday for the last year it's consuming my life going back and forwards each day and weighing up pros and cons.

DP feels there is another child for our family too.

DC1 is a 5 year old boy, DC2 is a 2 year old girl.
Household income of £85,000 a year living in Bristol.
I'm self employed so my buisness takes a backseat for the first 2 years therefore lower income however I do manage (just about) to work around
We don't actually own our home, but we rent from my partners parents with hopes to buy the house in the next 2-3 years for a reduced price. It's not a huge house but would fit 3 as we have a loft room, 2 regular bedrooms and a box room.

Ideally I would like to feel complete with 2 as I know life would be easier and potentially better for my current children as I'd have more of myself to give, but I just cannot make the nagging, longing broody feeling go away. I think about this potential third little person constantly but it feels like a much bigger decision to have a third than to just have the 'standard' 2 children

Go for it. Just bear in mind that the broody feeling will not stop. I have 3, if I wasn't 45, I'd have another in a heartbeat, despite that flying in the face of every rational thought. The only thing stoping me is the fear of disability.

In all honesty- the question "would you have a third if this was your situation "
No
Is the 85k when your job is taking a back seat or not?
It would be better to be working on your finances so you can buy the house or buy A house

I have one dc. I hadvthe same feelings you did about having number 2. I made the decision not to have a second child. The broody feeling passes. I'm happy with my choice. I have time, money, and heads pace to focus on the one I have. Each child spreds you thinner.

So for me. I wouldn't have a third in your situation but I wouldn't have a third in any situation either

Could you see how you feel in a couple of years and re-evaluate. Never say never, maybe focus on buying your house then when your 2 children are a few years older they may dote on a younger one. At the moment you are just entering the squabbling years.

Nope because life with 3 just seems so much harder, your income makes it manageable but not vast enough imo where a 3rd wouldn’t make a financial impact. They will.

How sure are you it would be three and done? Are you sure you wouldn't just go back to feeling like this after number three?

If that is a possibility you might as well let it pass now and have the easier life and more to give the existing two.

Personally, no. But only because the 5+ year age gap between the eldest and the youngest would put me off.

I have three, I was broody for a fourth but I knew it wasn't a good idea (also DH put his foot down!) and eventually the feeling went away. So, because you say you wish you didn't want another, and it's only the feeling of broodiness that's making you unsure, I'd say don't do it. IME that feeling will go.

Thank you for the honest replies ☺️

Would a third benefit your existing children?

I knew my DH & I would be spread too thin, taking into account our work, energy levels, personalities & other commitments.

I decided a third would be more detrimental to our family & the broodiness went away when you get was about 5.

We’re having similar dilemmas. Kids same age and sex as yours (DC1 turns 5 next week, DC2 almost 2.5 so 2.5 year age gap).

We are in London and our income is 3x yours and we own our home (with huge mortgage). For me the issue is the time I have to give 3 kids (I work full time, DH 4 days) and the fear that a third would have additional needs which would put further strain on available time (I’m 36). Still want to go for it though.

I'd never have a third in any situation. The planet does not need more people. We are facing future environmental catastrophe and we desperately need to use fewer resources. Just be content with what you have.

It sounds like you need to do some work on being happy and content

Why should a third child fix that?

I think you’ve already made the emotional decision to have 3…?

I have 2 and a similar income to you, but in north London. I completely understand the emotional need for 3 and I think it’s tough to ignore that esp if DP is on the same page as you.

there are lots of reasons to stick with two, but we only live once and if you feel doing a bit less and being a bit thriftier is worth it to have that third person, then I think go for it.

we have various things holding us back from 3 - DPs mental health, a very needy DS, we’d have to leave London, I’m a bit older (40) - but without these I would have 3 if I could. (Still haven’t ruled it out!)

The biggest thing holding us back is I’m not sure we’d cope well with a multiple birth or a child with complex needs. I think either would hugely impact on the life quality of current DC. A friend just had DC no.3 and they were triplets! 🤯