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Larger families

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Original poster

Starting again 7 years later

9 replies

N400 · 05/04/2023 14:34

Hi everyone,
I wasn't sure what thread to post this in so I have put it in here and 'larger families'.
My partner and I (mid 30s) have 2 children ages 10 and 6. We said 2 is enough and have been happy with that.
We have spent many times looking at our friends with newborns saying "Oh gosh, I am so glad we don't have to go back to that!!" or having our days out with 10km off beaten track walks and saying "we could never do this with a toddler". We have made plans for our future, holidays everything that we said we can finally do now.

Joke is on us because failed contraception means I am now 5weeks 4 days pregnant. Found out a week ago and this morning my tablets arrived.
I felt like I had decided on my choice to end the pregnancy and finally felt at comfort with it, after a week of awful turmoil. I will admit, I have previously miscarried numerous times and was aware the HCG decreases so tests the line would get fainter and fainter. Part of me hoped this would happen so I didn't have to decide, but it hasn't.
The tablets are on the side of the kichen counter...I feel like I cannot take them however. My catholic faith feels like it has hit me like a ton of bricks, feelings like I am ending a life and just in general feeling like my mental health will be gravely impacted if I go through with it. Worrying that I will have deep regret and how I will cope. My children are constantly asking for a brother or sister, possibly due to the fact another family member is having one soon. I say "not a chance" so they huff and puff :').
When I think about continueing pregnancy, I think that my older children will be absolutely ecstatic and I love babies and children anyway, even though I didn't want more.

However, with the cost of living crisis, things will be SO tight. I then also worry about the relationship with my husband. I worry that even with the others being older, it will be even harder due to their own emotions and navigating those and high school. Not the mention childcare! We have none and that is the biggest issue. If money was not an object we probably wouldn't even be thinking about ending the pregnancy. But it is an issue. We have worked incredibly hard to get to where we are now, we are both in careers and are feeling frustrated with the upcoming increase in mortgage/gas/elec as we don't get to reap the benefits yet of all our hard work as everything else is increasing so we will still be skint. The thought of this and going back to this with a newborn feels scary. Essentially we are rewinding our clock 7 years again - or so it feels. But despite this I just don't know, deep down I think to keep it but then i flit back and forth.

I don't really know why I am writing this. Has anyone been in the same position with other children a similar age (one will be 7 and the other nearly 11 when possible baby is born). I genuinly feel like i do not have a clue what to do. I feel it is a lose-lose situation.

Thanks

OP posts:
Kittycat24 · 05/04/2023 23:55

Hello. I had our 3rd baby a year ago. Older children were 11y and 7y. All planned, though I still panic when i get the positive pregnancy test, every time. Anyway, baby is amazing, I'm so glad we have him. Cost of living crisis is very real and scary. Luckily so far I don't feel like we've had to spend much on the baby. We had kept lots from the older 2 and I breastfeed him so no cost there. Yes, it's interesting doing secondary school runs with a newborn etc but the baby years are very short lived and at 13months it feels much easier already. I understand everything you're saying but honestly think it's unlikely you would regret it. My older 2 love their new brother, he's made our family even better 😍

Original poster
N400 · 06/04/2023 12:03

Kittycat24 · 05/04/2023 23:55

Hello. I had our 3rd baby a year ago. Older children were 11y and 7y. All planned, though I still panic when i get the positive pregnancy test, every time. Anyway, baby is amazing, I'm so glad we have him. Cost of living crisis is very real and scary. Luckily so far I don't feel like we've had to spend much on the baby. We had kept lots from the older 2 and I breastfeed him so no cost there. Yes, it's interesting doing secondary school runs with a newborn etc but the baby years are very short lived and at 13months it feels much easier already. I understand everything you're saying but honestly think it's unlikely you would regret it. My older 2 love their new brother, he's made our family even better 😍

Thank you so much XXX we have decided to keep him/her so your response is very reassuring 😁 xx

OP posts:
Kittycat24 · 06/04/2023 12:32

Aww that's great news, congratulations and best of luck x

noproblemifnot · 06/04/2023 12:41

Slightly smaller gap for me (elder dc were 8 and 6 when dc3 arrived) but wanted to encourage you as you've made the decision that I found having a baby after a gap to be such a wonderful experience, have been able to savour all the cute bits as I know how quick the tough bits pass.

Also, there was an 11 year gap between me and my eldest sibling, i am v close to them and my other siblings who are also a good few years older than me. Obviously we have squabbled like any family and am sure i annoyed them as a young child sometimes, but I really value having that big gap where they have been wise and inspiring figures in my life.

Wishing you the best x

pinkyvase · 06/04/2023 15:05

10 and 12 year gap between my first children and new baby 3 months! Like a PP it was planned and cost of living/childcare never ceases to worry me, but it's been bloody brilliant and I am loving every second. The older children adore their baby sibling and are such a help. Baby has slotted right in and mostly goes everywhere with us in a carrier.
Congratulations on your news and your decision!!!

Original poster
N400 · 08/04/2023 08:16

pinkyvase · 06/04/2023 15:05

10 and 12 year gap between my first children and new baby 3 months! Like a PP it was planned and cost of living/childcare never ceases to worry me, but it's been bloody brilliant and I am loving every second. The older children adore their baby sibling and are such a help. Baby has slotted right in and mostly goes everywhere with us in a carrier.
Congratulations on your news and your decision!!!

Thank you so much xx

OP posts:
Original poster
N400 · 08/04/2023 08:16

noproblemifnot · 06/04/2023 12:41

Slightly smaller gap for me (elder dc were 8 and 6 when dc3 arrived) but wanted to encourage you as you've made the decision that I found having a baby after a gap to be such a wonderful experience, have been able to savour all the cute bits as I know how quick the tough bits pass.

Also, there was an 11 year gap between me and my eldest sibling, i am v close to them and my other siblings who are also a good few years older than me. Obviously we have squabbled like any family and am sure i annoyed them as a young child sometimes, but I really value having that big gap where they have been wise and inspiring figures in my life.

Wishing you the best x

Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
Eggseggseverywhere · 08/04/2023 08:18

6 year gap with new dh here... Now 14 and 8. Still very close. A much loved addition!

laalaaleelee · 08/04/2023 08:25

Ahh congratulations x

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