Number 4 - what to think about?

[TinyTeacher]

Hello mumsnet,

As per title - if you have 4, what are the practical considerations? How do you arrange car seats? What are the hard things that require forward planning?

Essay of further detail below, but that's the long and short of it

I have 3 DC (6, 2, 2) and DH and I had discussed number 4 two months ago... he thinks it would be brilliant and I was kind of on the fence for various reasons (mostly financial/career related). He has always wanted either 1 or 4 and gave in to 2 because he felt it really had to be my final choice (except that turnedout to be 2 & 3!).

Well, I didn't think much about it as we've only dtd twice in that time as he had to suddenly dash andstay with His mum (unwell, needed support) and then DTwins have been unwell -just with a cold but they haven't been sleeping well so I've been in their room so no private time!

Suddenly occurred to me today that I'm probably pregnant. Ive ordered a test to arrive tomorrow (don't want to take kids into the village to pick one up as eldest is EXTREMELY perceptive, I'd never get away with it. But I FEEL pregnant, and although I started bleeding 3 weeks ago it stopped after 3 days without ever getting heavy (not typical at all for me, and it was 4 days earlier than I was due). I've got that heavy, inexplicable exhaustion that you only ever experience in early pregnancy and when I went to make myself a coffee I nearly threw up.at the smell.and couldn't touch a drop.

I'm a massive planner. I know I won't know till tomorrow for definite, but I feel certain I am I've always known before I've had a positive test previously and I feel exactly the same. What should.I be thinking about in advance????

Impact on environment & struggling services such as NHS & education

Gosh, what a helpful comment if i am already pregnant.

Fwiw, they aren't likely to be a strain on the public education system, but I suppose it's entirely possible they could and up costing the NHS a lot if unwell. But that is part of what I pay taxes for, oil everyone else. Grandparents on both sides will still only be at replacement level as there are/will always be no cousins.

Any more useful suggestions on the logistical side, or just snide comments?

I have 4 (not even sorry, stupid comment unicornsaregreat 😂)
Nothing really changed except the car We got a Hyundai i800 as our car so all four kids had plenty of room plus room for the pram and luggage if needed. Life is wonderful, the children are happy and healthy and get along really well. Good luck OP.

Test was positive as expected!

Our car is a 7 seater - we got a zafira when the twins were born as we wanted to be able to get 3 seats in one row and have space in the boot for the double buggy etc. So will still work in terms of seats although will need a bit of rejigging. Suspect eldest will grumble as she likes being with her brothers (she goes in the middle currently) and we'll probably have her in the back row as she can climb on her own whereas the boys still need lifting in.

Thank you 😊

I don’t have 4, but I have a 5 year old and nearly 2 year old twins so similar ages to your 3. We have an XC90 with twins RF and eldest in the middle booster, and I can fit in one of the backseats and just about fit the double buggy in the other side. So hopefully your plan will work. You’ll be able to pack other stuff in the footwells under the car seats.

Hope the pregnancy goes well.

I have 4, main thing was the car, but you have that already!

I have four, including two twins. My age span is wider than yours though, and the twins are the oldest not the middle.

I have found we're less east to accommodate! Whether staying with relatives, or friends, or booking a table in a restaurant, we are harder to accommodate as a 6 than we were as a 4 or a 5.

The flip side is that we're a party all by ourselves! They play together in various combinations. The dynamics are fluid - one of them will get the hump and wander off and there's enough left to continue the game, whereas one of a two would be left alone. When we go to the park/beach we attract other kids because we have a child to match the age of any close-by families.

Practically, I would focus on building independence. When you have four, there are four sets of "can you help me", four sets of "I need to talk to you", four sets of you being worried about a quiet child and needing to remind people of things. It is really really really helpful if they can take care of age appropriate jobs themselves - your 6 year old can make his/her own breakfast if you make the cereal and bowls and milk accessible. Ditto drinks. They can all put their clothes in the laundry hamper, put their washing away, clear their plates to the sink. These little things, developed from really young, will make life much much easier later on.

Four is amazing. Mine are currently shrieking and hollering and fighting over a broom and a hockey stick in the lounge. They're having the sort of fun that two kids couldn't have.

Congratulations OP! We recently had number 4 and he’s a dream. We have a 7 seater so the space is no issue and I’ve just seen you already have one so you’re sorted in that sense. We have baby in the middle row with the 5&3yo in their car seats and then the 9yo either on the back row or in the front seat depending if we’re all in or not.
I am finding 4 brilliant and I’m also one of 4 and have always wanted 4. I had a brilliant childhood, lots of time with parents, never felt there wasn’t enough time or energy for us and I’ve wanted to replicate it for as long as I can remember. My siblings also have big families and we all have good memories of being a child of 4. Never any of this you see on here about nor enough time, love or patience.

Thank you all! I'm quite relieved that car is the main thing as we are already sorted I that front.

@Meandfour thank you for what you say. I do worry a little about lack of 1:1 time, especially as my toddlers can already be quite competitive - if one wants a hug, the other also immediately requires one... We had a larger age gap between eldest and the boys so DD didn't much care that she didn't get a turn I my lap any more. The 3 of them have so much fun together when they play, so I'm hoping number 4 fits into that!

@HappyAsASandboy very good point in independence. My toddlers really aren't at all independent yet, so something to work on over coming months. Eldest already wants to be in charge of making toast in the morning and says she wants to be in charge of dinner once a week, so hopefully that will help! Laundry is currently a disaster, there are clothes EVERYWHERE at bath time so I'll definitely work on that one.

If you get a 4 seater Multimac you can keep your boot space in your Zafira 🙌

Congratulations!

I have four now all grown up but due to poor planning by us, we did have one year where all four were at different schools.

Little things that we noticed include that we couldn't all travel in one taxi together as they (London) only have 5 seats. Also, some countries like Spain give you discounts for being a large family.

@Petrolheadmom I looked at the multimac when I was expecting the twins, but was rather put off by the price tag 😣

@NetballHoop good tips. But horrified at the thought that you had 4 at different schools!!!! I'm very lucky, I teach at a school that is 7-18, so hopefully I'll be able to avoid that!

Mainly the car and the car seats

Pathetic

Congratulations @TinyTeacher how are you feeling?

We have 4.

4 is great!

Re car i see you already have 7 seater so that should be fine.

I'm a SAHM so that makes things alot easier, one of our DC is disabled so there's alot of work involved behind the scenes. Ours are at 3 different schools but 2 of them get themselves home as they are older. I have the car on weekdays.

I would say organisation is key. Do you think you will work or be a SAHM?

I'd say meal planning definitely helps, plus a tumble dryer. We don't have a dishwasher 😭

Any questions fire away!

It is pricey 😖 we had to get ours on finance but it really has been worth every single penny

@Decafflatteplease I'd like to stay in teaching. My husband is also a teacher, so we aren't massively high earners, so not really considering SAHM. At the moment I work part time, and ill probably stick to that as it gives me a way back to full-time when all the kids are school age. We dont any difficulty juggling school holidays either, as we're both off at the same time.

No dishwasher! Crikey, ours runs every day and sometimes twice! I don't think I've got space for everything to dry on the draining board! We don't a heated airer (Xmas present fromDH when the twins were tiny - feminist step-MIL was horrified 😂). Hopefully that will still do the trick. We have a non-heated one for "over-spill" laundry, I imagine it will just have to becomea permanent feature!

Meal planning will probably be essential, good point.

Going from 3 to 4 was easier then 2 to 3.
Unless there are 2 or more on there op.
..
Congratulations!

congratulations 👣 I have 4 (now aged 12,11,9,7) immediately the car is the main thing and a decent buggy I suppose if you think the twins will need to be accommodated still with a buggy when the baby arrives (we also had to move house to accomodate #4 but even with 3 we were outgrowing the space we were living in so it was only a matter of time).

fc #4 doesn’t become #4&5 🫢

@Bunnyhascovidnoteggs @Lauram82 I'm pretty sure it's not twins. At this stage with the boys I was terribly sick and had a bump! I wasnt surprised at the scan when they told me. It would be a major crisis of it was, we DON'T have space for 5!

Do you all have 4+ bedroom houses to accommodate 4 children ?

Yes, we have 5 bedrooms.

6 of us in a 3 bed here but hoping to make into a 4 bed soon by dividing a room or maybe a lift conversion

@Decafflatteplease how do you split the rooms please? We are possibly going to try for a fourth but I don't know how we can make our three bed house work. I feel a move or extension would have to be done 🤔😩

If you have a big bedroom, can you put a stud wall up down the middle to make 2 smaller bedrooms?