Wanting another - help please need advice

[Busymumma123]

Hey everyone! So I’m 30 With 4 children, 11 year old, twins that are 7 and a nearly 4 year old.

I’ve been mum since a teenager and I adore every part of it. Even with the twins I coped so well and always do. My youngest had severe colic and was screaming 24.7 but I still managed to smile and never get down about anything.

Im studying to get into university to become a doctor but possibly looking at another 2 years college study as I need higher grades.

Those 2 years can be from home and I can easily take on a 5th child alongside it. I’m crazy yes.

But I have four already.. so really need some honesty here on someone who’s either been there or USE to feel broody or still does and can tell me how to overcome it.

I don’t want a baby due to wanting pregnancy etc I hate pregnancy, never liked it never will.
I just love being a mother and watching them grow. I even adore the naughty state the tantrums etc I love it all.

I have a lovely four bedroom home my girls share a room and my boys have their own so my question is how selfish is it to have another?

Ive been thoroughly blessed with having two boys and two girls, a true dream! I just can’t seem to stop my mind wanting more.

My children are all in multiple sporting activities outside of school and have very busy enjoyable lives. My partner has finished the ‘baby phase’ and enjoys the kids being older etc but I’d quite happily have the baby all to myself lol.

i just hate that I feel this strongly about another.
I could balance it but I really shouldn’t, I should just stop here and find a way to cope with accepting that.

Please someone put me out my misery!

I have 6.
I think the feeling of wanting one more will never really go away.

I did similar to you. Studied at home etc before becoming a teacher 4 years ago. I would say that thinking about your future, who will look after them then?
Will they still be able to do all their clubs? Have a lift to a friend's house etc?
Adding another into the mix will stretch things, no matter how well you cope.

However, you won't regret another child but you might regret not having one. Only you can decide.

Have a talk with your husband and kids and see what they say. Maybe that will help you make a decision.

I think if you can afford it, go for it. Just bear in mind the record breaking inflation at the moment. Got to be honest, I wouldn't fancy having to support a family of seven. But if that doesn't bother you, then go ahead!

I have four and did the same, studied for a degree with OU and then retrained as a teacher. I could only consider this when my youngest started school as I really wanted to be at home with them, full time, for the early years. (Plus my eldest has SN, and he was finally in a structured routine at school without me driving him to therapy).

I sometimes have a twinge for another but to be honest, I am happy that the baby phase is finished. Everyone is in a good place, DH is doing well and I can focus on teaching. Plus we would have to move, which no one else wants.

But this is me. I can live happily with my decisions now. However, when we were discussing having a third child, the desire was almost a physical ache, it was so strong.

Only you can decide!

I have six. I felt like I was totally done after having number five and had no desire for another. I then fell pregnant unexpectedly with number six. Ever since he arrived I've had the strongest desire to have another baby. My husband is keen but I think my head has to win out over my hear this time. I think to a point that desire for another will always be there.

However, I would say five is totally manageable, especially with the ages yours are. My other children are 10, 9, 7, 5 and 3 and adore their baby brother. The older ones love playing with him and sitting with him on their laps.

Also I started a masters while pregnant and finished in the first few weeks after baby was born.

You mentioned lots of sporting activities and I would say this is where we struggle the most as a family of 8. The physical and mental fatigue of getting the children to various different activities every day of the week takes its toll. There are some days I want to cry. There are some days I do cry, lol. And the expense.

Whenever I consider having baby number seven I think about holidays. We haven't taken our children away on holiday this year and that really upsets me, especially when I see our friends with one or two children posting about their lovely holidays abroad. I don't want my children to look back on their childhood and feel resentful that we weren't able to take them away.

Ultimately its your choice.

Well done you! I’m exhausted reading your post! Honestly, if I were you, I’d stick with the kids you have. You’re in an amazing position now that you are past the baby stage and you are still so young! I started having kids at 30 and they are now 4 and 1.5. I’d love a third but am feeling old now and worried about age gaps and the impact on my career.

I did things the other way round from you though in that I invested in my career in my 20s and am now a high earner. It’s amazing that you have the drive to be a doctor but the studying and training is intense and demanding. It will be MUCH easier for you without another child, especially if that child would be a toddler when you’d start uni? If I were you I’d put my focus into my existing children and my studies and try to enjoy what you’ve got - you’re very lucky!

I don't have a big family so I can't comment on that front. But I do know how competitive it is to get in to and succeed in medicine (meeting the high entry grades is just the start of it).

If you are serious about wanting to pursue medicine, I would really recommend you chat with medical students/medics to get a sense of what is involved and consider the impact of that on your family life and if another child is feasible.