Positives of 3 children families

[sldenberns]

Basically, I am currently pregnant with my second and absolutely do not fill "done" I know that I will want another! My husband on the other hand says that 2 is the perfect number and thinks it's best we stop at 2!

Can those of you with families of 3 children.. please give some honest pros/ cons! Thanks so much x

Watching with interest as I'm currently expecting baby #3 (a little surprise! 😂)

How old is your eldest DC op?

Congratulations on your pregnancy too! Xx

Travelling is way more expensive with a third. Everything is built around 2 kids and 2 adults for a family including hotel rooms. 3 means a child can feel left out. Personally we didn't go to 3 because the planet is groaning under the weight of collective humanity as it is. We also couldn't stretch to 3 sets of fees.

DH and I are both middle one of three and agreed when we were dating that we would never have 3. It was always 2 or 4 and we stopped at 2 because we couldn’t afford 4. DS had three and says ‘2 isn’t enough and 3 is too many’.

We’ve got 3 (had 3 under 3 at one point!) and it’s really lovely. There’s always someone to play with, it’s a real little gang and they laugh all the time. It’s also not as intense a relationship as 2. I’m one of 3 and so is my husband and we both have very positive experiences of it!

Following as I'd also love a third and don't feel done after having DS2 18 months ago! Trying to persuade DP is another thing 😔 but I know personally I'm not done!

I had twins second time around (so you could end up with 4 not 3!). I think 2 would have been better. 3 does often mean a kid is left out and as mentioned, holidays are far more expensive (flights, bedrooms - need 3 vs 2). I love traveling so that's a drawback for me. Lots of games like Runmikub are designed for 4 players.

The positives are that there are more children to play with and generally someone is available if another child is reading/ on computer etc. Personally I think 4 is better than 3 but I couldn't stretch to that!

We felt 3 was perfect for us but now we're expecting a surprise 4th 🤣

We loved having 3, they play well together either in 2 or 3 and if 2 are playing the 3rd is usually occupying themselves with something quiet or it's our opportunity for 1-2-1 time.

With 2 you can't have 1-2-1 time very easily as the other child is left out. We find also our children are more resilient and less needy than those in a 2 (that is my impression only of course!) I think it's because they consider team working, negotiating and all the social skills stuff more naturally.

God knows how adding a 4th in will go 🤷‍♀️🙊

Also just to add our 3rd dc has been a complete joy to us all along. She's so happy so lucky, super sweet and we've just enjoyed her, maybe because we were more relaxed parents 3rd time round.

Sometimes we meet people who are so negative about having a 3rd and we just can't understand it, we'd never take her back!

I have a toddler, a 11 year old and a 14 year old.

Pro’s:

• I think it’s much harder to spoil three children as you have to split everything three ways including your money / time and attention. My eldest were used to getting everything they wanted within seconds before the baby came along, as shamefully I often used to do too much for them. Now they realise it’s often going to be much quicker if they do things for themselves so they have become a lot more self reliant. They also don’t expect as much in terms of gifts or days out.

• There’s more laughter.

• You get to enjoy seeing your older ones have fun with their younger sibling - I’ve been surprised at how protective they are of her and how much they can make her laugh. Your youngest also has a built in friendship group so they are less reliant on other children coming over for play dates etc to entertain them during the long summer holidays.

• Third children are inexpensive babies / toddlers as you (probably) have all the baby kit already.

Cons:

• Going out takes more time: prepping to go out is a nightmare and everyone wants to do different things.

• Most things are based around families of 4 including cars, holidays, burger buns, sofas etc

• Three children are very noisy. Car journeys can be absolutely hellish for this reason.

• If they all get sick at once you are doomed. That said mine seem to always get sick in relays. I’m dreading dealing with my first triple stomach bug though.

• you can’t really squeeze three kids plus two adults into a bed which means someone’s always left out when they pile in on a Saturday morning. You always feel guilty for not giving someone enough attention.

3 in my family and tbh, 2 would’ve been better. 3 is not brilliant unless you have lots and lots of spare money and everyone has lots of everything. It is miserable if there are not enough resources and not enough parental time. If you are time poor, I’d advise against it as you risk damaging the relationships you have with your existing children. The 3 in question in my family are all grown up now but child 2 and 3 do not talk at all and have a very difficult relationship (both boys, close in age). I would stick with 2 based on my personal experience of 3 x

I'm the youngest of four and think even numbers work best, no-one is left out of the 'closer' relationship.
Our hands were forced...We have DD and then DTs and if we could afford it, I'd go for DC no 4 once the DTs were in school. But unless I win the lottery that won't happen. On a personal aspect, I feel very sad that I won't get to have another singleton, DTs are much loved but there is little joy in this maternity experience.

I have 3 and like it a lot - I wouldn't change it. They are very close in age - 13 month and 22 month gaps - and in consecutive school years because of how the birthdays fell (dcs 1 and 3 are both very close to the August/September cut off).

They are 10, 12 and 13 now and I'm still enjoying it. My view is that you get more of everything - the good stuff and the harder stuff.

So more love, laughter, fun, support, that sense of being part of a big group - we are a very close family and have always done most stuff together - lots of shared memories, travel, etc.

The harder stuff is mostly practical/expense - it is definitely a lot more expensive (don't kid yourself that you can just hand everything down the line, for example) - it is 3x everything for most stuff, need a big car, especially when they are babies/toddlers in car seats, space in the house is a consideration - we love each other and like being together, but still need to be able to find a quiet space sometimes. School fees/school expenses, travel is much more expensive 3x air fare, often 2 rooms instead of 1, bigger hire car, etc. You have to be proactive in ensuring that they all get the attention they need - this can be hard at times. If someone is quiet /no trouble it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't need you. More guilt associated with this - I have just decided to take an extended period off work as it was taking up too much time and energy (easy enough for me to do this - am lucky) and one my my dc said 'oh good, you'll spend more time with us...'

Bottom line - time, energy and money are stretched further - I feel it is worth it, but others may not.

As an aside, I had them fairly young (youngest was born a month before my 29th birthday) and I think this has probably made a difference to my energy - I think I would struggle a lot more with the baby/toddler years now I'm almost 40. A second point is that we are very comfortable financially - I suspect that this makes a significant difference too.