Shall I have baby 3 or consider an abortion?

[Ani57]

We have just found out that we are (very unexpectedly) expecting our 3rd baby, due when our other two will be nearly 3 and nearly 5. I have always wanted a 3rd but my husband was a definite no and I was coming to accept that. I thought I would be thrilled with the idea of number 3 but have felt the exact opposite … dread at having to begin the newborn stage again, cancel plans for next year, generally disrupt all our lives. I am worried that we could have a baby with health problems and selfishly that the extra expense of a third will give us a worse quality of life.

This is really making me consider not going through with this pregnancy and my feelings have really shocked me. I just don’t know what to do. I love my 2 so so much and know in my heart that I would love this one just as much but I just feel very confused. Anyone else had / not had a third child after considering it and what are your feelings about it? Any regrets?

Hi OP,

How old are your existing children? And how old are you at the moment? And what's your set up etc. as I think this all matters.

This happened to us recently and I did have an abortion. It's only been a few weeks so I'm not entirely sure yet if it was the right decision - I was adamant beforehand that it was, but post abortion it's been quite tough for us and emotions around have swung from extremes - from feeling like maybe it was just meant to be and our kids are growing g up so quickly another would have been nice etc. to we would have been anxious about everything going smoothly third time round, finances, car, our relationship and existing kids could be both positively and negatively affected etc etc.

I know it's said often but only you can decide.

Oh sorry you said they are 3 and 5 years old. I don't think that's too large an age gap if that was something you are worried about (it would have been the same for us). But I k ow what you mean about coming out of that baby stage in life and on to slightly easier terrain.

This happened to us and our baby is a few months old with two much older siblings (one doing GCSEs) and we are all just smitten and thrilled . I still sometimes panic at the extra responsibility now we are older than with our others but really it just feels so special and precious and our older ones seem to love showering Dbaby with attention . I did worry a lot Eg what if it was twins , health problems etc . I wonder if a lot depends on your family circumstances, partner etc . Mine has been really supportive .

Hi op I am in a similar situation ss 9 dd 7 months and now pregnant I wanted another but not any time soon we really needed to move first I booked a termination but then after a few days of me being an emtional wreck dp told me he could tell I really didn't want to go through with the termination and to cancel it ! We have sat down and come up with a plan that will hopefully work out for us it's totally what is best for your family and neither choice is wrong

Hi. What did you decide to do in the end? I could have written this exact post even down to kids ages! I'm going in circles xxx

We had two 19 months apart. Had our 3rd when our oldest was nearly 8. It was wonderful! I was a far more relaxed and happy mum with number 3 (did all my practising on the 1st two). My husband worked incredibly long hours and was the opposite of a hands on dad, but I never ever regretted having number 3.

I’d love to know what you decided? I’m in exactly the same position, I have a just turned 3 yr old and just turned 2 yr old (there’s 11 months between them) and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. So at one point I’ll have three 3 and unders. God writing it down sounds even more mad.

@Twelve8Ts My gorgeous little girl is 4 months old! I booked the abortion but 2 days before I decided I could never go through with it and we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. Ultimately I wanted a 3rd child and even though it felt a bit unplanned, I knew I would regret it forever if I terminated. It was a really easy pregnancy, birth, recovery and she is my easiest baby. I absolutely adore her and can’t imagine life without her. My husband has been away for work for the past month and even a month on my own with a 5, 3 and 3 month year old hasn’t led to a moment of regret. She’s made me want a further 10 babies (but we are definitely done now ✂️!) Obviously everyone’s situation is different so I can’t tell you what to do. I would certainly have thought more carefully if I had found pregnancy or childbirth hard previously or if we weren’t in the financial position to cope with a 3rd. (Eg we had to buy a new car and are now looking to move house as we already feel crowded and she’s only a baby!) Bottom line though … I’m thrilled to have my very precious, beautiful baby 3!

That's a lovely update OP. Congratulations

Congratulations 🎉. Great update. Glad thinks have gone well for you ❤️

Beautiful! Congratulations! Reading that has made me very emotional. I’m glad everything worked out, enjoy your baby girl x

We had a similar experience. I never considered an abortion because for me, life begins at conception and I was carrying a baby, not a foetus. My 3rd child was the easiest, and in spite of a pretty large age gap and the difficulty of making sure the older 2 could continue with all their clubs etc and my husband working terribly long hours and never being around or a hands on dad, I absolutely adored every minute of her babyhood and childhood. I still adore her now and have never, ever regretted her being born. Mind you, we made pretty jolly sure there was no possibility of a 4th (though I admit I'd have loved a 4th because i was on a roll 😅, but my husband was adamant 3 was the limit).

I know several people who have had unexpected 3rd pregnancies and seem to have had similar sounding feelings at this stage. However went on to have their 3rd children and seem loved as much as the others

Just read your update, congratulations, how lovely ❤️