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Original poster

Going from 3 to 4

33 replies

Bloomsbury1 · 30/06/2022 11:48

What's it like? We always wanted 4 but naturally I'm nervous about how it's going to impact the 3 that are already here. They are all quite close in age (4, 3 and 17 months) with the older two attending school/pre-school from September.

Thanks in advance :)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Violet1988 · 01/07/2022 09:15

Id like to know too as undecided about going to four. My three are six, three and six months. @Bloomsbury1 what age gap would you like if you did go for it? x

crabcakesalad · 02/07/2022 09:27

Bumping for you because I'm expecting #4 now and also want to know!

Luckystar1 · 02/07/2022 09:30

@crabcakesalad ditto 😱

SpaceJamtart · 02/07/2022 09:42

I went from 3 to 4 but sort of the other way around as I had children and then permanently fostered my sibling, making the 4th one the oldest.

Some things were practically more difficult with four, like fitting in a normal car etc
But day to day its not too different, you are already outnumbered if you have three so it doesn't change too much.
Maybe the kids are in pairs more than before. When we had three it was 'the children' now its more grouped by age.
They also pair off quicker to do activities, not always the same pairs, but I think they do more of a variety of activities now, because there isnt an odd one out.

The house feels busier which I like and because the oldest is quite a bit older, they are more helpful with the younger ones and they all get on really well, reading to the littlest etc. I think it helps that the little ones don't remember the time before the oldest was with us.

SpaceJamtart · 02/07/2022 09:48

I was a bit nervous about upsetting the dynamic or not having as much time for them, but it did work out really well and we just use all time that is available to be together to make sure they all get enough of our time individually.
The older ones are good at playing together and dont need me to help.

When we go in the car, the kids in the back have headphones with music, it means they are all quite happy and i can have that time to talk to the oldest one when we wont be overheard.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 02/07/2022 09:51

I think you need to be honest about how much energy you will have for your older children when a fourth arrives, especially as your oldest is only 4. I have three, ages 4-8 and I did often think about a fourth, but my older two need me more in ways I hadn’t envisioned. They want to talk to me and need emotional support, another child would take my time and attention from them.

WombOfOnesOwn · 13/07/2022 05:08

I've got a 6, a 4, a 22 months, and a 3 months. All boys.

The new baby slotted in as easy as could be. Have found this the easiest adjustment yet, at least so far.

Original poster

Bloomsbury1 · 15/07/2022 16:49

@crabcakesalad @Luckystar1 me too! Argh! How are you feeling?

@Violet1988 It looks like they're all going to be quite close together, DD will be 5 and a half, DS almost 4 and 2nd DS will be 2. Busy busy! We already have a big car and are already finding it tricky to book hotel rooms etc., but that's not the end of the world. Usually we just go camping or book holiday rentals if we do go away.
I do my utmost best to dedicate special individual time to each DC at the moment, which I guess may be tricky with another new baby for a while but hopefully they will fit it and become part of the household in that respect as well :)

OP posts:

BiscoffSundae · 15/07/2022 17:10

Have to be honest going from 3/4 has broken me been so much harder than I could have imagined. It was the hardest jump for me.

serenghetti2011 · 15/07/2022 17:13

It was just another one in the mix for me really, 2 to 3 was harder I felt. By the time you have 4 you’re just hearding them from one place to the next 😂 you do need to be pretty laid back and organised at the same time. Have plenty energy and keep them busy, good routine too so you can sit down in an evening. Mine are older now so much easier thankfully but I do miss those chaotic days with 4 little ones

Aintnosupermum · 15/07/2022 17:17

That’s a tight age gap. I had 3 under 5 and it was tough. You need to check your finances and stress test the heck out of your budget. I was on the fence about having a 3rd and had an unexpected pregnancy. I call her my million dollar gift because that’s the impact it has had. We needed a bigger car, bigger home, 2 washing machines etc etc. It all costs more.

Original poster

Bloomsbury1 · 15/07/2022 17:44

@Aintnosupermum Yes I do worry about finances a fair bit. We manage at the moment but the costs only increase as they get older as well.

@BiscoffSundae oh no! How old are yours?

I do enjoy the craziness most of the time, but it is full on. It has been since 2 to be fair!

OP posts:

LadyIckenham · 15/07/2022 17:49

Whilst I wouldn't change it, it is hard work and does make a big difference. Mine were 8, 6 & 3.5 when DC4 turned up so we were in the thick of school runs, after school stuff etc and it stopped DC3 having one to one time around preschool. Possibly different for me as it wasn't planned, but I am always conscious of not wanting them to miss out on stuff and the only way we have been able to do that is by me giving up lots of stuff I like to do (no spare time!). May be different for you depending on your/partner's working hours and if you have family support (we don't). Much more logistics when they get to different schools and far more sickness to accommodate if you work. And do not underestimate just quite how expensive they get when they get older. Meals out, stays away; we have a four bed house and are just about to extend as the younger two are at stage where they really need their own rooms.

Sorry, that sounds really negative. They are all lovely but I still find it all consuming. It has definitely led me to make other choices than those I expected.

BiscoffSundae · 15/07/2022 18:20

They are now 11 10 8 and 5 it’s getting harder as they get older as my oldest has asd so doesn’t get easier so that will of course affects things but 3 was much much easier and I’ve never felt like the youngest just slipped right in it’s definitely changed things drastically for me.

crabcakesalad · 15/07/2022 21:43

Well this is a chirpy positive thread. I'm still cooking my no 4

MrsNyborg · 16/07/2022 09:54

@crabcakesalad How many weeks are you? How are you feeling about it all?

Original poster

Bloomsbury1 · 16/07/2022 09:54

Name change fail!

OP posts:

crabcakesalad · 16/07/2022 21:14

Haha. I'm 28 weeks. Going well I think now the sickness has finally passed.

I'm just counting down to school closing and getting the kids back for the summer. We all need the break now :)

Pinkandgreentrousers · 19/07/2022 20:31

Mine were 7, 5 and 2.5 when number 4 arrived they just sort of slotted in and weren't a huge amount of extra work.

Chemisett · 24/07/2022 11:49

I was hesitant but decided to go for number 4, and ended up getting pregnant with twins!

crabcakesalad · 25/07/2022 14:46

Chemisett · 24/07/2022 11:49

I was hesitant but decided to go for number 4, and ended up getting pregnant with twins!

Amazing 🤣

crabcakesalad · 25/07/2022 14:47

Pinkandgreentrousers · 19/07/2022 20:31

Mine were 7, 5 and 2.5 when number 4 arrived they just sort of slotted in and weren't a huge amount of extra work.

This is good to hear :)

Fresh01 · 25/07/2022 22:39

My eldest was 6 a month after DC4 arrived, so 6, 4, 2 and newborn. The main change was if you didn’t do 2 loads of laundry a day it ends up in an enormous pile. DC4 fell into a routine of a short feed around 6.30am then a big long feed as soon as the school/preschool drop off was done. We had a baby gate on the living room so toddler was happy to play with toys.
Many nights I sat on the lid of the toilet seat feeding the baby whilst the other 3 were in the bath together next me as DH was still working.
Now 10-16 years old. It is busy with activities etc and a very busy house if a couple have a friend over but all get along (most of the time) and we have no regrets having 4.

Montsti · 31/07/2022 21:26

I found going from 3 to 4 the easiest adjustment (0-1 or 1-2 the hardest)…
my eldest turned 8 a few days after dc4 was born…my middle 2 were 5 and almost 3 when dc4 was born..

I find the logistics now (dc4 is almost 5 years old) more of an issue with the 8 year age gap between dc1 and dc4…I spend my life racing from one sports match to another..

Sillymum83 · 20/09/2022 13:57

I had number 4 three months ago. My youngest has just turned 5.
My baby suffers from severe reflux, had tongue tie and a cows milk allergy. This is all brand new to me as none of my other children suffered anything at all so this one has been very, very tough and time consuming i feel like my others get a bit neglected for my time because of this.
Feeding issues aside baby 4 will fit in just fine. You're already outnumbered that's the way i see it lol

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