1st post. Don't know who I am anymore

[Jas5mum]

I feel so drained like I'm just here to serve everyone else and I don't know who I am anymore. I'm just K,Z,N,I & W's mum and thats it. I feel lost and lonely.
My husband isn't as supportive as I'd like and if I say anything like this he flips it around to be about him! (He works 45-60hours a week for haven as they refuse to hire more chefs!)
The 1 day a week he gets off(Saturday) usually ends in an argument or disaster.
I'm in the bathroom now and they're coming in, I get no peace and they don't listen.
Had all the professionals involved, no help just more stress and basically told to get on with it! 1😭
I can't do it anymore

How old are they all @Jas5mum?
Sounds very stressful. Five children is very demanding and you need to have some time/resources for you, or you'll burn out.

Nearly 2, 5, 7, 12 and 14 tomorrow
Not even done the school run yet as 7yo is having a meltdown and ita 8.50am
I think he has undiagnosed learning needs.

So sorry you are going through this and your dh is working long hrs, so you are in this alone. Do you have any other support you could reach out too, maybe a neighbor and have a few hrs to yourself.

5 children with that span of ages is going to leave not a lot left of you OP, especially with no relief. So somehow you need to carve out some time for yourself. Husband not available, put that aside for the moment. Mother, sisters, close friends, people who know and love you, anyone who can give you even an hour off to go for a walk on your own and catch your breath? Anyone at all?

No friends. No one has the younger ones :(
MIL couldn't handle them and apart from sending OH money whenever he asks isn't any help. Saw my mum today, we drunk coffee in the car whilst LO napped. I only have brothers. Don't get on with my neighbour as she lets her kids kick balls at my house until 9pm at night. We've had a few run ins. Others are friendly enough but mind their own business

I would look into getting your 7 year old assessed for SEN/learning issues because as much as 5 kids is hard work, stressful, leaves no space for you as a person, being a parent carer is an even heavier burden than that. When you should be back home after the school run, instead your managing a meltdown and managing your other children's around that, as much as it is hard work for parents whose kids don't have an underlying issue, it is even harder for those that two. If your 7 year old gets the help they need then it might open up just a little bit more time and energy for you to spend on yourself, even if it's just 10 minutes to have a quiet coffee, or that you're more relaxed on the school run and so can engage more with the other parents and maybe find some sources of support there or just have a laugh/moan with them. It can be really small things that help us get our sense of self back, but it's so hard (if not impossible) to find that time with a higher needs child who is not getting those needs met, because managing a meltdown takes absolutely all any one person has got. There is nothing left not only for yourself, but for your other kids and for your husband and the other people around you, and that will only lead to burn out (and still won't help your child get their needs met long term). The wrong help absolutely is just an additional drain on your time and energy at a time when you need to conserve them, but the right help is worth pursuing.

We've got a meeting with the school senco on tuesday to go thru the paperwork and get him assessed. Today has been the worst, he tipped lego all.down the stairs and then got his sister to make slime in the bathroom(£10 of bath products) which they then tipped over me. I asked OH to quit his job and take DS and DD3 out so I can have space to think but he's refused. Had to take DD2 for an eye test. I don't know what to do, if its better to split up so I won't have to deal with DSs meltdowns during the weekend and just at weekends. Just having the 14, 12 and 1yo sounds like bliss atm-no school runs as they walk then just chill with 1yo, food shopping and sorting the house.
I even looked at staying in a hotel tonight but I don't drive and couldn't afford the few around here. Using the bills money will lead to more issues
I can't figure out what to do with everyone here-its so loud(at home and in my head) 😞

I could have written this post myself. A mother of 4 here. 12,9,8,2. I work 3-4days a week. My partner works shifts so is only home 1 week out of 3 and we both work alternate weekends. My 9 year old is waiting to be assessed by the SENCO at school, I fear she could have ADHD/ADD. Or possible it's all just acting out for attention, feel like all we do is moan/tell her off but she just gets a thrill out of annoying and upsetting her younger siblings. Being in a larger family is So draining, I don't want to moan. My children were my choice and I live them all dearly, and they are good kids really. I just struggle some days, feel like all i do is moan or shout

Hi op

I have 6dc similar ages to you and it can be very full on. Mine are 10m, 2, 5, 9, 12 and 14.

Definitley agree getting some help with the possible SEN issues is a good move.

I was also going to suggest how about looking at a part time job or training course? I know it sounds mad but since i went back to work things are no more hectic here and if anything family time has more value. You may also find a job or training course can give you that bit of identity back. Something that is just you, no kids.

I would love a job but OH only gets 1 day a week off which is a saturday. I always have the youngest so its impossible to go to job interviews or even help the PTA like I used to. 14yo has been kicking off this week and 7yo got out the back gate 😞 Still got a week to go until they're back to school however OH has friday off for my birthday and the older 2 have gone to their grandparents.
I used to volunteer and work with young people but the job ended last year and due to funding(and bad council decisions) my job actually doesn't exist anymore 😕