Middle child always feel overlooked

[tostaky]

I have 3 boys, 13, 11 and 9 and my middle one is quieter and also less demanding and more independent.
As a result, he gets less attention and so he feels (rightly so) overlooked.
Not sure how to re-establish the balance.
With work and the house and everything i feel i dont have much time or energy...
Do you have any suggestions? Thanks!

This is my daughter. I have ds 11 (autistic) dd 9 and ds 4. She is often overlooked. She is so well behaved and never a bother. We have started to make more of an effort to do things with just her when we can. Special treats, even if it's just a little treat

My middle one sounds like yours, but never felt overlooked (she would always tell her siblings she was the favourite child ).

I think with ALL dc, you have to make sure they get a little 1:1 time with one parent every now and then, even if it isn't doing anything particularly exciting - it is just about making sure you make the time with them.

what are their hobbies? How do they spend their time when not at school ?

I'm a middle and felt like that. As a result, we have made a deliberate effort to give all our dc individual attention and to give the middles attention when the eldest and youngest are present. They can be real attention-grabbers, and often the middles just give up and shut up.

One of the things dh and I do is to go away with each child at learn once every year. It can be anything from an overnight camp to 3-4 nights travel abroad, depending on season, school, finances etc. That way each child gets a good chunk of one-on-one time with each parent.

We also try to spend time with each child individually every day, even if it's only 10 minutes, and not just talk about things that they have to do.

When eldest and/or youngest are monopolising conversation at the dinner table, we will let them run on a bit and then redirect the conversation to middles. This has become extremely difficult in recent years as they've both turned into computer geeks, and dh is a software engineer. Oh, and they also have the autistic tendency to need to take a subject to the bitter end.

Unfortunately, while our middles are aware that we deliberately give time and attention to them, they still feel either squashed or overlooked.

Our dc are 22y - 14y.

One to one time if you can manage it.
We used to take the kids out solo, a treat like the cinema. For day to day, just ask them how they are and how their day has been.

Obvious solution is to have a 4th!!
Ime much easier going 3 to 4 than 2 to 3..