Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Larger families

Find out all about large family cars, holidays and more right here.

Husband annoyance.. is it me?

17 replies

Newherehi · 12/02/2022 07:36

Husband did the school pick up and semi arranged a play date for while he’s at work and I’m at home and for me to sort the intricacies out and actually host the play date.

Now my husband actually said for the play date that I can have the children at my house because the mum who he semi arranged it with will have all 3 of her children (half term) and then our eldest aswell and it “might be a bit much for her to have everyone at once because her husband is at work”.. bare in mind .. WE ALSO HAVE 3 CHILDREN! 5yo, 1yo AND and 9wo! so I have the same amount of children but even younger than hers. I’ve said this is so classic for him (thinking of the damsel before me) and he’s blew a lid, saying he can’t even talk to a woman without me going mad, completely missing the point that I’m peed off that he thought about her being put out more than me so I’m now hosting the play date while he’s at work on my own with 4 children 🥴

Am I in the wrong about this? Because he’s sulking and saying he won’t apologise for occasionally thinking about other people before us because he spends most of his time dedicating everything he does and has to us (as do I yet never say a word or act like a martyr doing it).

He said he forgot we had 3 children too (I don’t know how!) and just thought it might be nice for the other mum (we don’t know her or her husband, they’ve litterally had chit chat and found out she’s from his hometown, I’ve spoken to her over text to sort my child going to a birthday party). I hate having animosity in the house, we rarely have cross words so when we do it’s a big problem but he’s so stubborn he can never see he’s done wrong.

I have no issue with the woman, no issue with the play date, the issue is with my husband and the fact he claims he forgot we had 3 children and thought more about another woman/mum being put out than me.. his own wife who gave birth to his 3rd child only a matter of weeks ago!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 12/02/2022 07:42

YANBU at all.

Not good that he won’t apologise and is playing the martyr card. He chose to have a family and doing stuff for the family is the deal.

DH and I don’t arrange things for the DC that we don’t personally host.

Emergencies/occasional favours aside we don’t commit each others’ time to other people!

Newherehi · 12/02/2022 07:52

Thank you. I feel really gaslighted by him, he just says I should cut him some slack for trying to be nice to someone else yet completely ‘forgot’ about us in the process, I think the ‘forgot’ part has upset me the most

OP posts:
Pembertonrd · 12/02/2022 08:00

Ring the mum up and explain you can only have the eldest and your dh didn't think.

And watch your dh in future.
My df is like this. He once gave a female work colleague a lift and drove past my dm walking up the hill with bags of shopping.

Newherehi · 12/02/2022 08:02

Thank you. I can imagine my DH doing something similar @Pembertonrd

What is the deal with some ‘nice/kind men’ crapping on the wife?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/02/2022 08:05

Tell him that in future he can only book play dates that he is hosting himself. I'd phone the other woman and make alternative arrangements. You have enough on your hands!

Loopytiles · 12/02/2022 08:08

Yes, understandable! He wasn’t being considerate towards the one who matters most, you!

He ballsed up and is making matters worse with his behaviour now.

If he’s otherwise doing his fair share of parenting, domestic work etc and a good partner, would be disappointed but drop it, after agreeing that he doesn’t arrange stuff for the DC that he won’t personally be there to parent for, or commit your time!

toomuchlaundry · 12/02/2022 08:10

@Pembertonrd I think she is only having one child over for the play date, not all 3 of them.

Does the other mum know you have recently had a baby, assume DH didn’t tell her as he had ‘forgotten’

Noisyprat · 12/02/2022 08:13

Effectively your husband thinks he can do what he likes with your time, in this instance he has given your time for free to make himself look good.

I can’t believe by that you would even consider doing this play date. If my DH announced this to me, I would have said ‘no’ and told him that he’s free to do play dates if he wants but my time does not belong to him. How did he even know you were free?! I would not discuss it further and then let him sort it out. My time is not a free resource for other people to control. You’re a mug OP and your DH has no respect for you or your time.

Loopytiles · 12/02/2022 08:19

‘What is the deal with some ‘nice/kind men’ crapping on the wife?’

Plenty of men - consciously or subconsciously - want social kudos from friends, family and acquaintances for seeming kind to people. Rather than behaving kindly and considerately to their partner.

peboh · 12/02/2022 08:22

Yanbu at all. Your DH needs to be more thoughtful of your own circumstances when arranging things. He absolutely should have put the fact that you have 3 other children before he made the other mums life easier

satelliteheart · 12/02/2022 09:09

He said he forgot we had 3 children too

This would be the issue for me. How the actual fuck does he "forget" how many children he has?! Maybe it would be an overreaction but if my husband forgot how many children we have I'd be checking into a hotel for a weekend and leaving him to parent solo. See if that helped him remember how many children he'd produced

You're definitely not being unreasonable op, I'd be raging at this and agree with pp who said he doesn't respect you and thinks he has the right to organise your time without consulting you

Newherehi · 12/02/2022 19:48

Thank you everyone. He’s said he’s sorry but still thinks I’ve overreacted so I’ve not accepted his apology and won’t until he stops with the gaslighting

OP posts:
UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 12/02/2022 19:53

@satelliteheart

He said he forgot we had 3 children too

This would be the issue for me. How the actual fuck does he "forget" how many children he has?! Maybe it would be an overreaction but if my husband forgot how many children we have I'd be checking into a hotel for a weekend and leaving him to parent solo. See if that helped him remember how many children he'd produced

You're definitely not being unreasonable op, I'd be raging at this and agree with pp who said he doesn't respect you and thinks he has the right to organise your time without consulting you

Agreed!!!
Chely · 13/02/2022 12:33

Nah, he's a dickhead!

mishmased · 17/02/2022 19:33

@Newherehi did you ask him which child he forgot about? Maybe first child has been around too long, or middle child is very quiet or he's used to having two kids and you are obviously superwoman postpartum so it didn't register than you just had a baby.

StormyWindow · 17/02/2022 19:44

It's white knight syndrome essentially isn't it and the ego boost/kudos they get from 'helping out' an acquaintance is always more than they would get from helping their wife. It's an extra layer of shit that he's also dumped the work involved on you to boot, YADNBU Angry

mishmased · 17/02/2022 19:53

@StormyWindow it is beyond ridiculous. How can he offer his wife's services to help someone whilst forgetting his wife could do with some help 😳

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread