How do you know?

[Shocked33]

Morning,

I hope you are all well.

I wanted to write as 2 weeks ago I had a missed miscarriage to a baby that was unplanned. Me & DH were shocked initially as it would be baby number 4, and we have 9yo, 2.5yo and 11mo. We did look into termination and I feel horrendous about that now. I feel so lost and empty and I know I am grieving as sadly we lost the baby at 10 weeks.

I'm wondering if any larger families would mind helping me, I never planned a larger family but now I have a yearning, and I know I need time but I also want to think ahead.

Can I ask how you knew to try for a larger family?
How it works logistically and practically with 4? How does your day to day life look? Can you work and have a career?

Anything you could offer me would be so helpful, and I'd like to thank you too.

[tmc14]

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t help in terms of a larger family as I only have two… but I had a miscarriage in between my two. I thought I’d be done with two, it’s what we wanted (I’m older and was grateful for those to be honest)… but lately I’ve been really wanting another. I mention this because I can’t figure out if someone feels missing because I want to raise another child, or if someone feels missing because they are: my baby I lost. I don’t really have time to wait because of my age but I am waiting a few months more to see if I can figure out my feelings a bit. Not sure if that’s helpful but wanted to share in case it resonated with you. x

[Shocked33]

It really really does and I can feel where you are at, I'm going to try and give myself until March to decide. I'm sorry for your loss too x

[tmc14]

I would also add, when I was only a few weeks post miscarriage, all I wanted to be was pregnant. It was an intense physical need to be, I’d never felt anything like it, totally different to wanting to have a baby previously. If you do have some time, I would concentrate on hugging your older kids lots (I know you do already but you know what I mean), giving yourself time to grieve a while and then see if that feeling is still there.
I am unlikely to have a third, my husband isn’t keen, he’s even older than I am and we’re tired from two! But I am concentrating on the two that made it Earth side. And secretly hoping for an accident…

[hibeat]

It's early days, please take time to fully recover from your miscarriage, it's normal to be in that state now.

[Chely]

Condolences. Give yourself some time to grieve and hormones to settle.

I've always wanted a big family. We have 6, dh wants another but I'm enjoying our baby atm. I've had many mc's between 8 & 12wk, 2 between 1 & 2, 1 between 2 & 3, 2 between 4/5 & 6. After the 3rd miscarriage which was unplanned as 2nd was still very young all I wanted was to be pregnant and I was 6 weeks later.