How do you know?

[Shocked33]

Morning,

I hope you are all well.

I wanted to write as 2 weeks ago I had a missed miscarriage to a baby that was unplanned. Me & DH were shocked initially as it would be baby number 4, and we have 9yo, 2.5yo and 11mo. We did look into termination and I feel horrendous about that now. I feel so lost and empty and I know I am grieving as sadly we lost the baby at 10 weeks.

I'm wondering if any larger families would mind helping me, I never planned a larger family but now I have a yearning, and I know I need time but I also want to think ahead.

Can I ask how you knew to try for a larger family?
How it works logistically and practically with 4? How does your day to day life look? Can you work and have a career?

Anything you could offer me would be so helpful, and I'd like to thank you too.

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t help in terms of a larger family as I only have two… but I had a miscarriage in between my two. I thought I’d be done with two, it’s what we wanted (I’m older and was grateful for those to be honest)… but lately I’ve been really wanting another. I mention this because I can’t figure out if someone feels missing because I want to raise another child, or if someone feels missing because they are: my baby I lost. I don’t really have time to wait because of my age but I am waiting a few months more to see if I can figure out my feelings a bit. Not sure if that’s helpful but wanted to share in case it resonated with you. x

It really really does and I can feel where you are at, I'm going to try and give myself until March to decide. I'm sorry for your loss too x

I would also add, when I was only a few weeks post miscarriage, all I wanted to be was pregnant. It was an intense physical need to be, I’d never felt anything like it, totally different to wanting to have a baby previously. If you do have some time, I would concentrate on hugging your older kids lots (I know you do already but you know what I mean), giving yourself time to grieve a while and then see if that feeling is still there.
I am unlikely to have a third, my husband isn’t keen, he’s even older than I am and we’re tired from two! But I am concentrating on the two that made it Earth side. And secretly hoping for an accident…

It's early days, please take time to fully recover from your miscarriage, it's normal to be in that state now.

Condolences. Give yourself some time to grieve and hormones to settle.

I've always wanted a big family. We have 6, dh wants another but I'm enjoying our baby atm. I've had many mc's between 8 & 12wk, 2 between 1 & 2, 1 between 2 & 3, 2 between 4/5 & 6. After the 3rd miscarriage which was unplanned as 2nd was still very young all I wanted was to be pregnant and I was 6 weeks later.