2 under 2

[RMsMama]

Hi all. My OH really wants a second baby and wants to start trying NOW. Our DS is 9.5 months old so if I was to fall pregnant this cycle he would be 18-19 months old when no. 2 was born.

My question is how have you coped with 2 so young? I want a second baby so badly. I miss being pregnant and having the excitement of a new baby but I'm also enjoying my DS and still not sleeping through the night. I want him to have me all to himself but also want my children to be close! Shall I get on with it and get the bad sleep out the way quicker (lol) or wait another 6mos-1yr so I can focus my time on him??? I'm so undecided. I feel like being undecided is the decision making NO, but my heart just wants to try for another.

My daughter is 9.5 months and I'm 9 weeks prégnant. I wanted them close together, however...I'm absolutely clapping my pants (to put it bluntly). She sleeps (at the moment!), but I am terrified that it could all change and I have a breakdown when they're both here (I'm only semi joking). Equally, I do know what any tiredness/stress won't last forever and I would rather get it all over with in quick succession. I couldn't imagine having a five year old (or older!) and things starting to feel easy and then having to start all over again.
I won't lie, I do feel some guilt/worry that the oldest nor the newborn will get the best out of me. That I wont have given my daughter enough time of just me and her. Nor will I be able to give the newborn the same attention I gave my daughter when she was born. That all said, I don't regret my decision and just hope it means they'll be super close!

Good luck with whatever you decide :)

There will be pros and cons either way so difficult to say what’s ‘best’ as there isn’t one. You’ve just got to work out what’s best for your family.

For what it’s worth I have 16months between mine which isn’t how I would have planned it and the first year was bloody hard work. But they’re now 3/4 and it’s lovely and so much easier, the thought of going back to baby months now makes me shudder.

If you feel ready you can go for it. Mine were 2.5yr in between and it was still hard the first 2 months, but then you get the hang of it and a routine for both.

I had 2 born almost a year apart exactly (2 days difference) so a 1 year old and new born, it was fine tbh! I was on my own as a single parent, you just adapt

I'd say go for it. My baby was 6 months old when I had my booking in appointment (about 7 weeks)
They are best buddies. I found it was as easy fo change one nappy as it was two.

I had 2 under 2. 6 first months are insane but then you find your pace and it is the best decision I have ever made.

I had 2 under 2..(18months apart) everyone said to expect the first 6months to be very hard. Despite second baby having some issues (outgrown now) I found the baby stage easy going.
They are now 3 and going on 5 and it's tougher now with them fighting and being strong willed.

I admit k feel it sometimes now but I have never had any support, don't drive, husband works long days so I'm along alot of the time and haven't had a break in almost 5years.... That said I can't stop thinking about a new baby

It can be exhausting but then that can be the case with a larger gap too.

Our 2nd & 3rd have a 16.5mth gap, 1 & 2 have 5yr gap. I found it pretty easy tbh, but then we had twins a couple of months before 3rd turned 3. Now have a 6th and it feels like a breeze with her, all older ones are in full time school. My dh works away so I have to be well organised to keep things running smoothly.

I had a planned 15 month gap new baby 9 weeks old . Best decision I ever made

It was horrible. Sorry. My first two are 22 months apart. It was so very hard. We have a huge gap between 2 and 3 (nearly 7 years) and it’s delightful. Some people like to just get it done. I wanted them to be close. They’re not, and everyone is close to the much younger one. This all depends so much on your situation and the personalities involved. But I am pro gap!

I have 22 months between my first two and the first 18 months were hell. I really regretted having them so close together. Neither of them slept and I just didn't enjoy having two very small children that couldn't be left unsupervised for longer than 3 seconds. But then it all became easier now I would definitely do it again. They have always been very close, have played together loads and have similar needs which makes things easier. It's a brilliant age gap for the first 2 DC IMO. You will need a lot of help in the beginning though if you want to be able to enjoy it (or perhaps you're made of sterner stuff then me!)

Sounds awful to be blunt.
Personally I didnt want my children to be a stage to be got through/ endured rather than them being treated as individuals.
I had a 3 year gap and it was perfect.
Eldest was just starting pre school once the baby was a few months old and so I had time to enjoy my baby.

I got pregnant by accident with my second when my first was 15 months. Perfect gap 2 years between the two of them. First was in nusrery so I got time to spend with my newborn, and the second slept alot while I was running around with the first. My two are very close and always have been. Having two in nappies for the first six months was difficult but doable. :) Good luck!

@VitaminA I think if you get bad sleepers that's really detrimental I'm glad you have no regrets now and that they play together so well this is what I'm hoping for. I have a 18 month old and a 9 week old I don't have any support so just crack on so far I haven't found it difficult but I have 2 good sleepers and I can imagine that when my youngest starts on the move that's when it will get difficult x

Thanks for your replies. I understand it must be hard for non-sleepers. My DS is 10 months and still wakes once or twice for a feed and I'm alone most nights so with a newborn in the mix then 😬😬😬 if we try this month (OH really wants to) he will be 19months old when baby comes so that seems less daunting, unless the TTs hit HARD 😂. Mixed responses so can only hope right? He's so happy and is happy to play on his own

Is your current one walking - a toddler you have to run around with and a baby isn't something I would have enjoyed.

I had 2 yrs 8months between mine - a month off nappies in between and a toddler I could reason with suited me. They get on really well now but have their own friends which is nice

I agree with an above poster, there’s pros and cons with both small and large age gaps so there isn’t a right way to do it.

I have 19 months between mine and the first 6 months were brutal. Most others I know with a similar age gap had the same experience. Some do have a really good baby who just sleeps and a good toddler, but most don’t. My baby slept well at night but during the day he was very clingy and wouldn’t ever let me put him down. I couldn’t get anything done and my toddler was at that crazy age, he was wild. He was also scared of the baby and would be traumatised every time he cried. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I was forever asking myself why had I done this. Regretted it Massively. If I only have one of them it’s a breeze but both together it is hard work.

However, I’m 9 months in now and things have settled down, they both love eachother, baby naps well during the day and when he’s awake I can leave him playing whilst I get things done.

It is still hard, especially when getting out the house but it is getting so much easier and I’m starting to enjoy it now.

Also to add, I didn’t find the pregnancy as exciting second time round. I found it exhausting whilst trying to look after a toddler. I was highly anxious and emotional about having to take time and attention away from my toddler for the baby and upset that I wouldn’t be able to do all the things that I wanted to do with him. All those things just hadn’t dawned on me until I was pregnant. I also didn’t enjoy the newborn days like I did with my first, due to having a crazy toddler to run after and not being able to sleep when baby sleeps. I didn’t have enough time for either of them.

Overall, this age gap is great when they’re a little older but the pregnancy and early months of it are quite brutal.

I have a 13 month old and I am 6 months pregnant (unplanned). I also have a 6 year old. I have a lot of worries about how I'll manage to give the two babies the attention they need as the older one will be 16-17 months. I plan to just take each day as it comes. Some days will be easier than others. I guess what makes things easier is knowing they'll have each other to grow up with and be so close in age. This one is another boy. Whatever you decide will be hard going but it doesn't get easier unless you have a 5 year gap. I had a 5 year gap between my two currently and it wasn't hard at all as the older one is self sufficient. Good luck x

I have a just gone 2 year old and a 7 month old and it’s fab but hectic. Wouldn’t change a thing and things get a bit easier as time goes on, my toddler plays with toys a bit longer now so it means I can change babies nappy and feed them a bit easier! It’s the newborn up a lot in the night phase that’s been the hardest so far but not so bad now!

I had 2 under 2 (and then 3 under 4). I really like a small gap - it's easier to find things to do they'll both enjoy, and there were no jealousy issues as they're so young they just accept the change without question.

I also had 2 under 2 and went on to have 3 under 4. It had its ups and downs but it's not impossible. Practicalities like changing nappies and managing naps can be tricky but you muddle through together.

My best advice would be to invest in a dishwasher and tumble dryer if you don't already have them. With two babies so small your time and attention becomes very precious.

I have a 13 mo DD and DD2 is due in 3 weeks. I'm also a single mother. Mine were both planned, and I did really want them close together in the hope they would be close later, tho' I know that's a gamble.
I am finding being heavily pregnant with an active 13 mo very hard work, and I know it's not going to get easier any time soon.
OP - how long did it take you to get pregnant last time, and how old are you? If you are not happy with a big gap, then whether you start now or in a few months/a year, should depend on your best guesstimate about how long it is likely to take you.
Not been there yet, but my money's worth is it's very hard for the first bit, but in the long run likely to be easier. I'm planning on having DD1 in nursery full time (she's currently part time) for the first 6 weeks or so, just so I can recover sleep in the day and feel human!

@TataMamma it took me first cycle both times. First one didn't continue past 6 weeks. I'm 25 and we have tried this month so we shall see! If it were to catch he will be 19mos when born!

Thanks to everyone that's replied. I guess it's 50/50 and we will just take it as it comes. From what I gather anything under a 3 year gap is hard but I don't want that long between them so guess I'll have to suck it up 😆

I had 2 within 14m. Hand on heart the hardest thing was being pregnant whilst having a toddler 🤣

The first year was a bit of a blur. But I didn't know any different and if I had my time again I would do it exactly the same. But I was lucky. Both of my pregnancies were relatively illness free and I recovered pretty quickly each time.

A lot of having 2 under 2 is accepting that standards may have to slip and all fed none dead really is true!!

My 2 absolutely love each other. Having them close in age means it's easy to organise days out. They have the same interests for majority of things and really get on well most of the time. Having 2 in nappies wasn't an issue and whilst having 1 = getting everything in order and not leaving the house without the massive nappy bag and multiple changes of clothes, having 2 is much more - Chuck a couple of nappies in a bag and a vest and you're good to go! 🤣