Mum of 3 and feeling guilty I can’t give my older kids proper attention since having a newborn :(

[Mamabearwhere]

How do you mums of 3 divide your attention especially with a newborn ? My older ones are 7 and 5 and we have a 10 week old. Since baby has arrived I just can’t seem to find the right balance and feel so guilty. For example they spend all day today in front of tv or squabbling whilst the baby has been crying from colic and I’ve been on my own with the 3 of them as husband is abroad for work. The worst is bedtimes because baby is usually screaming around the older ones bedtime and most nights I end up doing a super rushed story (sometimes will have to even give it a miss) and rush through goodnight kisses snd cuddles so I can take baby into my room to calm down. It just breaks my heart after everyone’s asleep but in the moment it’s all chaos I end up so stressed and annoyed at myself and them. It’s better on weekend when DH is around to do their bedtime but weekdays is just mental.

Please share how you’ve managed to divide attention and please tell me it gets easier as the baby gets older.

Sending you hugs

As a mum of three it is hard to share you attention but give yourself time if your baby is only 10 weeks.

It will get easier, and the children will learn to share you and your time. Have you tried 7 yr old reading a story to 5 yr old ?

Also don't feel guilty if life is not the same. It's ok snd kids will be ok if they don't get the same attention

Also found wrapping them all up m, use a baby carrier if needed and take them out for a bit for a walk or park helps everyone to get a break

I have three who are now teenagers. It’s really hard to do bedtime with one parent when your baby is so little. During the day we’d get out when we could - soft play or the park or such like - so much harder at this time of year. I’d dread the bedtimes my husband wasn’t around. I used a sling a lot which did help. Also used audio books for the older ones - to make up a bit for rushed bedtime stories. Try not to feel guilty though - it’s mostly survival at this stage and it does get easier and you will all get through it.

My elder two were 7 and 5 when 3rd was born and I remember that feeling very well (unfortunately - because it’s fucking horrible!)

I was also a lone parent (husband fucked off when I was pregnant, not the father of my eldest 2) so that only added to my emotional nuclear bomb feelings.

I remember youngest first year as an absolute nightmare that almost destroyed me mentally, my elder DDs remember it in the exact opposite way and often say they wish I would have more

Youngest also had colic/reflux and was generally a very miserable little soul - slings saved my ass on numerous occasions. Baby was being “held” and I had my hands free.

Bed time - all went to shit and we ended up with the two elder ones sleeping in my bed every night as baby couldn’t be put down. That way I could have her in the stretchy wrap whilst I read the two elder ones a story sat either side of me in bed, and at weekends we’d put a Disney film on.

Hi OP, I have a 9yo, 6yo and 6 month old. I remember feeling like you when the baby was a newborn, but he has now outgrown his colic, is able to sit up and be distracted by toys. Things will get easier. Just do what you need to get by right now.

You’re in such a hard stage and on your own doing it. I don’t think I could have coped on my own when my third was 10 weeks. Your kids will just be glad that you’re there and, at their ages, are able to understand more than a toddler would how much the baby needs you. We have similar age gaps and it gets better and is so worth it. But when the baby was tiny I remember going out a lot in the day (he arrived at the start of school summer holiday), and with the baby in a pouch and just needing a feed and a sit down every so often the rest of the time felt like me and the kids used to feel, while at the same time we slowly got used to having their brother fit into our lives too. Just a hand hold really - the early months with any baby are tough so try not to beat yourself up.

Make the older ones sleep with you, it’s an easy way for them to feel intimately cared for just by sleeping near you.talk to then about it, say “I’m sorry the baby keeps me tied up abd I can’t give you the love abd time you need, please forgive me” they will then change their feelings to empathy for you

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