Hey fellow mumsnetters,
I am a mum of 2 and in a happy relationship. I first fell pregnant at 18 when I had only been with my partner with a month so it was less than ideal, we have no money, no where to live so I felt like I missed out a lot of planning to get pregnant, the excitement of finding out you’re happily pregnant and then once the baby came having a room to decorate and not live in small box room at my partners mums house and I was so young I was such a nervous mum and spent more time googling ‘how to be a parent’ than actually enjoying my baby.
Then we planned for a second, got pregnant then had a miscarriage and that broke me, I quit my job and didn’t go out for 6 months, I just cried and cried and fell into a really bad pit of depression and anxiety. We tried for a year and eventually accepted we were lucky to have one. We moved on but the mental health problems that came with the baby loss stuck around but I decided I didn’t want any more then low and behold I fell pregnant then bam covid hit and I didn’t see a midwife for my entire pregnancy and didn’t go out so felt really isolated and I even contemplated abortion but due to covid I couldn’t get one because there were no clinics open near me and I don’t drive. Eventually I came round and I love my 2nd, it’s harder but I have so much love to give.
The problem lies that I’m contemplating a 3rd mainly because I would love to try plan a pregnancy and actually enjoy now I’m in a good place mentally and financially but I know how easy it is to fit into the world as a family of 4 e.g. days out and holidays. I don’t know wether I need to mourn I didn’t get the experiences I wanted or wether having a third would be a good option. Kids are hard but I grew up with a lot of siblings and I loved having a noisy household.