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Original poster

Did you intend to only have 1/2?!

22 replies

Throughtheforest2 · 02/10/2021 20:33

My DH and I had always said that 2nd was last and this was driven by me.
I don’t cope well on little sleep!
So we had 2 close together, as we knew we wanted 2, to get through the pain of sleepless nights as quick as possible!
Youngest is 3 and I can’t stop thinking about a 3rd! I find our 2 such amazing characters and imagine what a larger crew would be like…
My rational mind says no way. We’re starting to have more time to ourselves, we’re not outnumbered, would definitely rule out any private education, I worry about baby’s health given I’m late 30s, 2 dc get on so well etc etc etc
But I find myself on here looking at all the posts about having 3 a lot… I keep having the thought of what it would be like for a few days and then dismiss it. Then a few days later I go through the same process… maybe I just need a new distracting hobby!
Just wondering if anyone went through something like this and actually ended up having a third (planned)?! Or if they can identify with this and just ignored/put down to hormones?!
Thanks!

OP posts:

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Rosebud2016 · 02/10/2021 21:49

I can’t answer your questions, but I just wanted to show some solidarity! Exactly the same thoughts, fears and obsessing going on over here

My 2DCs are just turned 2 and 4, and although I feel extremely lucky and grateful to have the 2 we have, I just can’t stop thinking about having a 3rd. I don’t feel done, and neither does my DH, but we worry about upsetting the balance with DCs, the lack of sleep and the pressure it may put on us and our marriage.

I’m 37 and DH is 44 so if we are going to go for it, we really need to get a move on. But neither of us seem able to commit! I have no idea what the answer is, but I think it’s a very common dilemma.

BrushMySmush · 02/10/2021 22:11

We’re still at one and want another (also late 30s and put off a second for a few years!). I’m very much one kid = one parent. That is manageable 😂

However I was one of three as my siblings are twins and it was wonderful being one of three.

ratussbaguss · 05/11/2021 20:25

I could have written your post... mostly I think absolutely no way but as I'm one of three I do keep coming back to maybe... especially as DH is keen. But all the reasons say no. I think I would need to wait until the older two are at school first but then I will be in my 40s... how do people decide?

Pumpkinsonparade · 05/11/2021 20:28

Can't say I envisaged 11 but that's what happened!!

didireallysaythat · 05/11/2021 20:32

I had my second after my first started school. Couldn't really afford £2000/month on nursery. And didn't want to have another one when I was another 4 years old (had DS2 when I was 40)

Jammiedodger27 · 01/12/2021 11:30

Oh my days! I could have written this! I can’t shake the idea of a third but logically it doesn’t make sense. Glad others are in the same boat

Himawarigirl · 02/12/2021 09:13

I did this. Always, always thought I wanted 2 children but they were both so great that the idea of a third popped into our heads and never went away. I read everything on the Internet about having a third, blog posts, discussion threads and went back and forth. And my DH and I always noticed and pointed out families of three kids to each other. In the end we decided that we didn’t want to spend our lives wondering what if. So we had our third and are all so glad we did. I got an immediate feeling of our family being complete that was missing before. It’s hard but so worth it. But I SO know the torture of the idea just being there and not knowing what to do! Because it took us a while to decide we have a 2.5 year gap and then a 4 year gap and that works v well. Time with the younger one while the other two are in school, but also now that he is a bit older they are v much becoming a little gang as well. It’s not too big a gap for him to be always left out.

Original poster

Throughtheforest2 · 02/12/2021 13:52

@Himawarigirl ooh that’s interesting. They more time passes the more I think no more!
But we have just had a house full of sickness and I’m sure hormones will have me thinking about it again before long!
Hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old are you? I’m 38 so also feel like time is running out!

OP posts:

Himawarigirl · 02/12/2021 14:10

I was similar age-wise, I’d just turned 40 when I had my third. And we made that our cut off, if it hadn’t happened in the next month or two before I fell pregnant we were going to leave it. Didn’t want to risk my health and the age gap between the kids would keep getting bigger. As it was I had complications during pregnancy due to my epilepsy that I didn’t with my first two. That may have made us think twice but ignorance is bliss going into it! I would have periods of time where I thought I’d decided that two was fine and there was no need to be crazy but then we’d see a family of five having a great time, catch each other’s eye and we’d be back into indecision all over again! This week though they have all gone down with a stomach bug one by one so I’m not in the best frame of mind to make a sales pitch for having three

TheMagicDeckchair · 02/12/2021 15:26

I planned 1 or maybe 2 children but I conceived twins naturally (surprisingly) after a long fertility road to have my first, so I now have 3.

I had my twins at 41. The babies are both completely healthy, at term (for twins), were good birth weights and I had a healthy pregnancy overall- some additional scans but that was more to do with having a multiple pregnancy rather than my age. I’m an older mum anyway so I don’t have anything to compare to re tiredness.

Mine are nearly 4 and the twins 7 months. I feel like it’s a good number and the twins have completed our family. Because we were late starting a family we were in a decent financial position to support 3, but if you need to upgrade house or car it can become expensive. Feeling outnumbered is definitely a thing (certainly on my own with 3) but hopefully that will ease with time.

Good luck with your decision.

Mother2princess · 02/12/2021 23:45

I have 4 and can't shake the feeling of a 5th !

FamilyLife123 · 04/12/2021 21:28

Initially we planned on having two children, we had a boy then a girl so everyone was telling us how we must feel complete as we had 'one of each', but I just didn't feel done! Our second is an August born, she started school a couple of weeks after her fourth birthday and it felt like I'd had barely any time at home with her then we ended up having number 3. I thought we would be finished after number three, but then hubby started talking about number 4 and I didn't take a lot of convincing! I think it was partly because we had 2 years 9 months between 1 and 2, then over 5 years between number 2 and 3 - it felt like our third would have been left on her own a bit when the others started getting older so another balanced it out! We now have two boys and two girls and I feel like we are complete now. Going from 2 to 3 and from 3 to 4 were the easiest transitions for us.

Ricepops · 06/12/2021 22:36

Gosh, this is totally me! We have two (7 and 4) and only ever planned to have two. However, I started feeling broody a couple of months ago. Thought DH would be dead set against a third, but was really surprised to find out he wasn't. Now we seem to be going back and forth, just can't seem to make a decision. I am 38 though, so really need to make a decision now. We thought we had made a decision to go for it, and I actually had an appointment to remove my coil this morning, but I bottled it. Hence here I am, scanned MN for threads about DC3.

Ducksurprise · 06/12/2021 22:45

We did the same as familylife had two close together and then a gap then decided to try for a third and felt it would be too lonely so had another one with a small age gap. ( then there is another gap and we took on two siblings, I do wonder if we'd have gone for more of our own if things had been different, but I wouldn't change my family, felt complete when the siblings arrived)

Original poster

Throughtheforest2 · 17/03/2022 18:46

@Ricepops did you go for it in the end?!

OP posts:

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 17/03/2022 18:52

I have one. I was unfortunately unable to have any more, but would have loved to have had three. For me, that's the magic number. Just enough attention from your parents, but not too much. Of course, this is all in my fantasies .

Original poster

Throughtheforest2 · 17/03/2022 18:58

I’m pretty sure we’re stopping at 2
Partner thought I was holding a pregnancy test the other week (was a covid one) - I think he nearly had a heart attack! Was interesting to see his genuine reaction
He did say after, that would be nice but hard work. But much easier to say that when it’s not real!!

OP posts:

Ricepops · 17/03/2022 20:10

No, we haven't. I did makes another appointment for the coil removal but bottled it again . I feel about 70% sure we aren't going ahead with it, but it's constantly on my mind.

I keep feeling nostalgic about when my eldest was a baby/toddler. I don't have the same nostalgia around DC2 being a baby, despite the fact that I love her just as much and she was a more easygoing baby. I wonder if that's because I was juggling more things, and maybe nostalgia around baby number 1 is because things were simpler and there was more 1:1 time?

How about you, have you gone for it?

Ricepops · 17/03/2022 20:13

Sorry I didn't notice your post above. "That would be nice" is definitely underestimating the amount of work a bit

Original poster

Throughtheforest2 · 17/03/2022 20:28

I so know what you mean. I’m like that with mine. I feel like I barely remember time with DC2 as a baby, but then I think it’s to do with it being manic as they’re close together.
I don’t think we’d plan for a third, but if there was a surprise we’d roll with it

OP posts:

Ricepops · 17/03/2022 20:40

Glad to hear it's not just me! I think this is partly why it's difficult to decide on a third - in theory I'd love to have those experiences again, but in reality I know it would be a different experience.

CoffeePlease89 · 08/04/2022 19:18

Sorry to jump on her, but this is literally me.

I am 32 and I have a DD 6 and DS 3 soon to be 4. I have one of each, life is just starting to get easy and I've recently really loved and enjoyed being Mum, probably because they're a bit more independent.

So why on EARTH in the last few months have I considered having another?!?! Why am I constantly looking at other families to see if they have 2 or 3 kids?? Why am I scrolling through the TTC conceive posts on here looking at those two pink lines?? Why am I looking at prams at 2am?? Most of my friends on Facebook seem so happy with 2. And I AM happy, I am so grateful, I never even considered 3 a few months ago, so right now I am so confused and wish to god I could shake this feeling.

My concerns:

I could die during childbirth and leave my perfect family because I was so bloody selfish.
The baby could be born with disabilities and kind of "ruin" (god that sounds awful) our easy and lucky way of life. I'd feel bad on my two again because I was selfish.
Money, housing, car etc etc
I get so irritable on sleepless nights, I wouldn't want to be snappy with my two.
It could be twins!! Literally could not cope that would be awful news.

Then I think of the positives, my kids would love me to have a baby, I can imagine sitting round the table as a family of 5, bigger fun at Xmas and birthdays etc etc.

If I could skip the birth and first 6 months of newborn and could be told I would be fine and baby would be fine and it would all be okay I'd do it!!!

But there are no guarantees in life and I'm not in a position to risk my two children's happiness. So unless it happens accidentally, I'm not going to actively try for it I couldn't deal with the guilt!

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