4th baby?

[Loulou946]

I posted a big post but lost it! Hate when that happens, anyway-

We have 3 boys, 11, 8 & almost 2.
Are back & forth on the idea of a 4th baby.
Reasons for-
Always wanted a big family- although feel happy with 3. did always say 4 originally- depending on circumstances
Another close to our youngest
We’re already doing the little kid stuff again
We’re planning on getting a 7 seater car next either way
Hols- already need bigger accommodation most places so can fit another for not much more

Against-
Impact on elder 2- baby crying/restricted for another 2ish yrs/tired parents/need to split our time between 4 rather than 3 & when youngest becomes more self sufficient then have another little one taking up time & attention.
Sleepless nights again/tantrums etc
We could be moved on from all that but would be extended by another 2-3yrs.
4 bed house- someone prob have share although do have a downstairs playroom as a possibility
Fund another mat leave- possible with saving, have a abroad hol
Booked next year that I don’t know if will happen if covid still same- so money that wud be sued for that can help towards mat leave
Money stretching between 4- hoped bigger gap would help with that younger 2 not as as expense as older ones then older ones self sufficient when younger ones are teens
Having a baby & toddler at same time! I remember this was pretty tricky with my first 2 for a couple yrs, elder missed out abit as was hard taking both some places by myself where younger one would run off a lot! We still went but sometimes left early &/or I’d be stressed. but I got through it & the benefits are they have each other & neither of them remember those days now.
When eldest no longer wants to hol with us we can have room for 4, but Wed need another still need bigger room but only a couple yrs till next eldest dosnt want to come then either youngest on own or we’ve had another & they can be together.
Nursery/hol club costs
Me been part time for a little longer
Our age- me 35 & hubby 37 2 days ago!

I’m basically unsure whether it’s worth pushing through those tough early years for the future benefit.
I just think of say 5yrs time when they are 16, 13 & 7- feels like the youngest will be all by himself in a way due to the gap. (Alternatively we’d have 16, 13, 7 & 4 if we had another)
But having said that my elder 2 play together & apart- in fact prob more apart now there abit older. They like there computers & each have their friends on their games.
They will sometimes play computers together or in the garden together or go out with friends down the street together. And have each other on hols & trips, the park, swimming etc they play together. They have the benefit of choosing to play together or with their own friends.
So if youngest is the same, maybe the big uns will still play games with him from time to time or he will join in with what they’re doing (within reason) & youngest be happy doing his own thing inbetween like the big 2. But I fear when the big 2 are mid teen they might not be interested in little kids stuff & I guess I just don’t want youngest to be lonely.

But there’s no way to know how he would feel, whether another sibling would make things worse off for him- if youngest was to be challenging or they didn’t get on etc
Or whether it would work out well as the first time
It’s such a gamble!

4 does seem a lot, I think if it wasn’t for the big gap I probably wouldn’t manage it/consider it.
Is it just hormones, the fact I’ve got the chance too & need to decide. I do love the little years but they are also stressful at the same time! Will I wish I’d of gone for it in 5yrs or be thankful that I didn’t!? Will I always feel sad for youngest or will he get on just fine? Do we have the best of both worlds currently- 2 growing up kids & a little one. Youngest has a lot of our attention/not sharing us with a younger sibling but also older brothers but no one his own/closer age. Whe man the big 2 are grown it will be like having a only child in a way- is that a good thing!? All metaphorical of course

I also have to remember how hard it is & try not to have rose tinted glasses! As overall we need to be happy parents but might be willing to have a couple yrs of stress (mixed with lovely moments of course!) for the long term benefit. Ive given us to the end of the year to decide.

Be grateful for any advice/experience of 3 with a gap between or those that went for 4 with gaps like ours.
Thanks 😊

I’m currently 26 weeks with no 4! I have 13, 11 and 2.5!

I’m 39 now and am feeling my age this time! Luckily my 3 all pretty good. We’ve created another small room in the house for the baby but would have had the youngest two share.

We’ve got a seat Alhambra which has 5 isofix, full sized seats in the back and still a boot you can fit a pushchair and bags in!!

Dd3 comes into our bed at 1am so I’m used to broken sleep! I’ve also perfected the power nap and can close my eyes for 10 minutes and feel better!!!

I did worry about my older two but they’re always in their rooms now anyway! I’ll do a film night some nights and we get into my bed together which is nice!

I’m looking forward to having a baby again. I feel totally different to when I had my older two.

If you want one more, go for it! My dp will be having the snip after this one xxx

Hi, thanks, yeah my big 2 are in their room a lot too and do their own thing mostly. I’m not sure which way we will go just yet! Good to get others experiences.
Thanks & congratulations x

I have 5 but my eldest is an adult and doesn't live at home. The others are 11, 10, just turned 2 and 7wks. (GGGBG) Im 42 and DH is 44.

DC5 wasn't hugely planned but similar thoughts went through my head when we found out I was pregnant. Especially around DC4 being 8 to his sisters 18,19 and 28.

DS and baby DD will have to share a room though like you we do have a downstairs playroom we could use. We don't even have a 7seater yet!

So 7wks in with a 22m gap its ok so far. It will be in a few years when I'm taxiing DD2 and 3 to nights out but getting up at 5am that might hurt!

I think you know when you are "done" having babies and the fact that you are even considering number 4 means that you probably aren't. Will you regret it in the long run ? as your youngest grows up you may not want to return to the baby stage or want a big age gap. My 4 are 20 18 15 11, it's worked really well for us but I am only 42 so had the energy for it in my 30s (couldn't do it now) now that they are old enough they help around the house and I never need a baby sitter. I work full time but only school hours. We have a 7 seater car and 4 bedroom house so 2 do share but have the biggest room. The pros will always outweigh the cons as you would have an extra little one to love.

I do agree you know when your done as I was similar with the 3rd tried to put it off for 2yrs but ended up
Giving in! Then having the big gap but then I wanted a 4-5yr gap for the (hypothetical at the time) 3rd anyway so there prob wouldn’t be much difference with the gap we ended up with. I have had times where I’ve felt so settled & felt that complete done feeling that’s lasted maybe a few weeks then the feeling of another comes back! It might be we had a good day/week, I’ve read something or seen something that makes me consider our family & choices.

But sometimes the thought of doing it all again feels exhausting BUT it dosnt seem to stop the broody feeling. Having said that, whilst I’m
Mid soothing a toddler who’s woke in the night etc it’s does feel more like 3 is enough!
But then that passes & back
To considering it again! 🤦🏻‍♀️ I guess I know this stage is short but it’s also very hard! But also easily forgotten!

I kinda wish that done feeling would stay as that would be easier if I was certain one way or another. But I dont want to be in a permanent state of stress for that to happen! As that’s kind of how it feels- when it’s
A stressful period I’m saying we’re ok with 3 but when that passes I’m
Back to thinking about it.

4 just seems mind blowing to me! But I guess it’s a steady adjustment & age gaps help.

Maybe I just need to get passed the little yrs then I won’t want to go back to baby yrs. but also like you say, will I always wonder, will I feel sorry
For youngest if he’s by himself or will it woke out ok!?

Can’t believe I’m back to giving it serious thought! Even a tinge of excitement but also nervousness at what I know would lay ahead! My stomachs in flips!

I have 4, last one was a surprise, but its worked at well as oldest 2 very close in age and thick as thieves bigger gap to DC 3 so they were a bit by themselves so DC4 coming along balanced it up and DC3 and 4 now 14 and 17 are very close. So its like 2 pairs of siblings iyswim .
Baby stage was fine as already used to it and baby just fitted in.
DC3 did have nose out of joint at first so need to give them extra attention so they arent lost in the middle.
I felt guilty about room share when they got a bit older we changed our dining room to a 5th bedroom which works well for teenagers, sounds like you have this option too.
Financially clearly its a bit harder, another set of swimming lessons, school shoes , theme park ticket, driving lessons etc etc but we muddle through dont have as many luxuries.
Emotionally it can be hard as need to support and be present for all 4 , fortunately their crisis's have come individually!

Well DH just said he dosnt want another one now! He was more for intially but guess the stress a baby/toddler brings changes his mind! And we can see the light at the end of the tunnel with the toddler yrs.

He just has the logical mind though not the hormonal/emotional side.

I just hope 1 I can move on from
These feelings & 2 we/I don’t wish we’d have gone for it in a few yrs time.

Going from 3-4 was easier than 2-3 ime.
14 months between 3 & 4...
Better than having a middle dc!
Dd first then 2 boys.

3 boys!! 4 under 7..

we have 7 kids (5 boys, girl, boy).
oldest turned 13 two weeks after youngest was born - they are now 20 & 7.

I guess it's different because we never had a big gap (3.5 y is biggest between DS4 & DS5 because I MCd my 5th pg).

but DS2 was 11, DS3 was 8.5 & DD was 2 when DS6 was born so I did have that combo (with extras!🤣) and the youngest 2 do play a lot together so I get what you mean.
is that helpful?

Oh at 35 and with a bit more time on your hands, I would go for 4.
Your DH may change his mind in a couple of years. You'll still have time, OP. I had my last at 42, no issues in the least with pregnancy or delivery. What I'm trying to say is, you can revisit this in a couple of years and still be at a good age to have DC4. You'll still be young (in my book! ).

Thanks all, all ideas & experiences are great. Will give till end of the yr & see if dh has a change of heart. Eldest starts high school sept so will be interesting to see how that goes too! New ground for us!

I would go for number 4 if I were you, so the youngest will have a close buddy, like the 2 oldest. I am almost due with my 3rd and I have almost 7 and 2.5yr, and I am 35. I hope to have 1 or 2 more by 40 if everything goes well, but minimum of 4. To me it's all about the number I want and everything we can make it work for that number. We will get a 7 seater if I get pregnant with number 4 and we are planning to buy a house in a few yrs, hopefully it can accommodate the big family. I have had easy pregnancies so that helps and my boys are sleeping through the night. I will have sleepless nights with the new baby.

I have 4. 14yo and 11 yo, 6yo (almost) and 4yo. I didn't want my almost 6yo to be on his own, as older two are a pair of siblings close in age. There was a miscarriage between DC2 and DC3, and another between DC3 and DC4. This has more or less decided the age gaps. Completely out of my control.

Lots of fun with four children in tow. Two older ones share a room, two youngest share a room. All are boys. School uniform gets handed down as they grow. It's fantastic!

Teenager eating loads now so be warned 😂

I’m glad we had four. A little Larger gaps than you as we had 15, 12, 3 and newborn. With 2 and 2 it’s meant that as the older two have gone their ways into teenage years and adulthood now (kids are 24, 21, 12 and 8
Now) the younger two have company and it feels Balanced.

Very similar situation.. 3 boys and considering number 4.
Mine are 6, 4 & 8 months. The 6&4 yr old are best buddies and although we always said three, We are now considering a 4th. I mentioned it to a friend recently and she thinks I’m mad. We already have a 7 seater and enough bedrooms in the house. I’m 35 and hoping to start trying after our youngest turns one. It’s a big decision but ultimately one I don’t think we’ll regret.