How difficult is 2 under 2?

[charl881]

Looking for any advice on whether or not we’d be mad to plan 2 under 2/ a 2 year age gap?

I had an unplanned chemical pregnancy a couple of months ago and now I’m constantly deliberating over the best age gap.

I know it’s absolutely impossible to plan these things but I’m just wondering whether we’d be mad to try for another straight away which would be a 22 month age gap if we conceived and all went well straight away. Or should I wait a few months until our little boy would be at least 2.5 years when a second would arrive.

Finally and practically my head says to wait, but my heart says to just crack on and try, especially as we don’t know how long it could take!

imho, the easiest gaps seems to be 8+ yrs.
You'll make it work, whatever gap you get.

I’ve had two under two twice.

I’d depends on the child…

Needy baby that won’t be put down and child with a disability is very different than a newborn that sleeps a lot and a two year old that entertains themselves.

It also depends how much help you have an how much you enjoy toddlers and babies.

That is a good point. My DS didn’t sleep for the first 11 months but now sleeps like a dream and is super easy going but I guess there’s no guarantee a second will be as easy.

We have some family support but they’re not on the doorstep. They’re helping out with childcare though while I’m getting used to being back at work until September when we are putting him in childcare. Financially we think we could afford to keep him in nursery a couple of days a week if I was to go on maternity leave again so I’m guessing that would help a lot!

I loved the smallish gap. Yes hard work but fun. The big gap I found and still do find it hard. We didn’t intend to have a big gap, life got in the way. I would take the small gap any day.

Small age gaps are very hard work initially when they're babies/toddlers but in the long run, it's much easier as they'll always be at similar stages

I had two 13 months apart. It was very easy for the first year, but when baby number two became mobile and I had two unbiddable toddlers it was absolute hell for a year. From 3 and 4ish it was a dream and now it is just perfect. They are each other's best buddies and playmates and are going through most of their development at the same times.

Thanks everyone, that’s kind of what I thought but good to read! I’m also very aware that it might not work out like that anyway, we’ve already had one chemical pregnancy since having my little boy so absolutely no guarantees!

I've also had 2 under 2 twice.

Dd2 and dd3 are 17m apart (now 10 and 11) i liked the gap, I managed to get into a good routine around school runs, toddler groups and double naps until DD2 was about 2. They've generally been very close and lovely but are now hitting hormonal years. They were not and are not good night sleepers.

My 4th and 5th are 22m apart. I'm 10yrs older than when I last did it but its OK. DS is nearly 2 and Dd4 is 6wks. Negative is that he stopped napping, by throwing himself out of the cot when she was about a week old. So there is no break as hes not old enough for preschool until next year. We have family support but more for appointments etc than on a regular basis.

Round here an 18m-2yr gap Is pretty common, my dds were ones of 3 family groups with the same gap in their classes. I dont think its crazy I've loved it.

I've had 21 and 27 month gaps.
27 was a LOT easier at the newborn stage.

Two school years apart in both cases, so not much different once they are out of the baby phase

My older two are 21 months apart. I did find it hard going from one to two, effectively 2 babies, both in nappies etc. I remember thinking that when dd1 was 2 and dd2 about 6 months that I wasn't meeting either of their needs!

But of course they were fine and as they got older became really good playmates.

Some people say it's an easier gap if the older child is at nursery. I disagree. Getting a baby and toddler out the house at a certain time in time for nursery is stressful. Much more relaxing not to have a schedule to stick to.

@corkernewyorker ahhh needed to read this currently 7 month pregnant heading for 15 month gap I know it will be very difficult in phases but overall knew it would be worth it for them

@mrssunshinexxx I was extremely lucky in that both children were fantastic sleepers (totally the luck of the draw, I know) and had routines that mirrored each other. We also seemed to escape nightmare teething episodes. I could have been very very different, of course. Overall though, I think the gap makes for idea playmates and easy days out and entertainments. I hope it goes really well for you. I would also add - I never expected to laugh as much as I have. They are so funny together and get such enjoyment from each other's company. I hope it goes really well for you too! x

it, not I

I had 2 under 2 (and 3 under 4). I like small age gaps - getting the nappy phase all over at once!

Depends on the child. My 3rd had undiagnosed silent reflux it was utter hell. The fact she was 14 months younger than #2 was irrelevant. Would have been hell with any age gap.

My SILs 2 year gap looked a lot harder work than my 3 year gap when our children were younger. My 3 year old was just so much more independent, toilet trained, didn’t need a pushchair, at preschool etc. In fact it put her off having more children, but I know she enjoys it now they’re older and play together and enjoy the same things. I think there’s positives and negatives to every gap tbh.

@corkernewyorker

I had two 13 months apart. It was very easy for the first year, but when baby number two became mobile and I had two unbiddable toddlers it was absolute hell for a year. From 3 and 4ish it was a dream and now it is just perfect. They are each other's best buddies and playmates and are going through most of their development at the same times.

This has been really amazing to read for me, thank you!

My two Dds are 15 months apart, currently in the 2 & 3 years and I'm in the hell stage! They're on different timezones sleep wise, won't play with the same things, have very different (demanding) needs/wants and I'm knackered! Reading there's a light is just what I needed today (on no sleep and all day manic play!).

I was about to tell the OP to wait, but I know once they're on the same (sort of) page it'll be easier, they're huge characters and I'm sure they'll be best of friends, that's lovely @corkernewyorker

15 months apart. I struggle to remember the first few months with two, I had PND, my DH was never around, DC1 was very active, DC2 was very stubborn. No help. But now they get on famously now and their bond is very strong. They are best friends despite being a boy and a girl. They are into the same things, read the same books etc. Totally worth it.

@Frazzledd Oh you're welcome! I remember those days well. Hang on in there, it gets better.

They are 10 and 8.

I have 14 months between my two and while the first year was hard I’ve never regretted it since. Sooooo much easier than a large age gap - we can do everything together with no concerns about activities being the right age for older/younger siblings. Go for it!

Thanks so much @corkernewyorker my little one sleeps 8-8 and has a 2 hour nap 1.30-3.30 every day she's in a routine that's the same every day it definitely helps x

2 under 2 was fine - not much harder than a single toddler (in my experience). The 1&3yo that follows a year later, that is hard!! But it does pass, and they are now very close and like doing the same things etc.

I have an almost exactly 2 year age gap and a 2.5 year age gap, and chose to have a much tighter age gap for my fourth and final baby, who is due 18 months after the third was born.

HOWEVER, this probably has something to do with the fact that #3 has literally slept through the night since he was 8 days old. Nothing to do with how we raised him, his brothers are wild hellions at bedtime. Everyone tells me he is probably a "trick baby" and I will get a terrible fourth, so I guess we'll see in April whether our 18 month age gap is madness.