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Original poster

3rd baby, big gap, will it be as hard as having two with small gap?

13 replies

Mamabearwhere · 23/06/2021 10:31

Sorry didn’t know how to title my post. I’m due with my 3rd in September, my older two will be almost 7 and almost 5. I found having two babies with 2 years gap REALLY hard work. Had PND which didn’t help either so I left a bigger gap to have my third.

My whole pregnancy so far has been consumed by my fear of whether it will be as hard work or whether I’m going to get really stretched or get pnd again. I know seems pointless to worry from now, and some might say should have thought about that before getting pregnant but we always knew we wanted 3 kids if we were lucky enough to be able to.

I’m hoping that because my older two will be in full time school, it will be a different experience to when I have a just turned 2 year old with a newborn.

Please share your experiences on how you found having your 3rd with especially if you had a similar gap.

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Mummysausage36 · 23/06/2021 10:51

In pregnant with my 4th my other dc will be 9,6 & 5 when this baby is born. My youngest two were 17 months apart and that was hard!! I think this will certainly be easier, the older children will be in school all day so I will have time to bond and get breastfeeding established (I struggle with latching on). I think the older two will want to help ( hopefully) and they are more independent!

Aria2015 · 23/06/2021 10:52

No experience of a 3rd I'm afraid but I have a 5 year age gap between dc1 and dc2 and it's been great. In the day I'm on my own with dc2 so it's fairly easy. Dc1 is old enough to understand what's going on and even helps me by fetching stuff etc... also old enough to independently go to the loo, feed themselves etc... and I can leave them alone for 5-10 minutes in front of the TV while I settle the baby for a nap. School run is a bit more work with a baby in tow and if it clashes with nap time that can be a pain too but it's not the end of the world. Older dc is also a great source of entertainment for dc 2. Dc 2 just loves to watch dc 1 no matter what they're doing so I can get stuff down while they are distracted! Trickiest bit has been going out and about at weekends and trying to make sure dc2 doesn't get overtired and gets enough nap time. It often means my dh takes the eldest out and I stay home with dc2, otherwise we all go out but for a shorter time to fit in with naps. Also, I had forgotten how much crap you have to take everywhere with a baby! The pushchair, nappy bag, change of clothes, blankets, toys, sun hats, extra layers... gah!!!

Luckystar1 · 23/06/2021 10:58

I have 3DC. 20 months between oldest 2, and 5 & 4 between them and DC3. It has been soooooooo much easier.

Original poster

Mamabearwhere · 23/06/2021 13:09

Ah so glad to hear your experiences ladies, makes me hopeful!

OP posts:

BurningBenches · 23/06/2021 13:15

I have 5.
Eldest is an adult.
2 and 3 are 10 and 11 (17m gap)
4th is 22m
5th is 4 days old.

So when dc4 was born 2 and 3 were 8 and 9 and before lockdowns and homeschooling hit it was lovely. Just me and him in the day, toddler groups, but also felt way easier just having the one at home having already had others if you know what i mean.

DistrictCommissioner · 23/06/2021 13:21

No experience of a smaller gap, but I have 3y 3m between DC1 and DC2, and 3y 9m between DC2 and DC3 - so DC3 was born when DC1 was 7y 1m, and DC2 was 3y 9m. I'm sure it's going to be much easier than you found previously - an older child can sit, walk, toilet, feed themselves, dress themselves, have some concept of waiting etc... especially if they are going to be in school, you'll have a bit of a rush in the morning getting them off (DC3 used to do the school run in their pyjamas from the night before) & then a peaceful 6 hours, & then you're really on the home straight for bedtime after school pick up...

Himawarigirl · 24/06/2021 22:35

We had our third with a similar gap. Ours were 6and just turned 4 when our third was born. I absolutely found having that bigger age gap easier. Both of them being in school meant I had time with the baby during the day and they’re just more able to help or listen to instructions. I see mums in the park with a toddler and a newborn and I know that I did that with my other two but I’m really glad not to be doing it this time round again. It’s definitely a juggle with naps and the school run and that kind of thing, but overall I think it’s easier. We didn’t necessarily want such a big gap and whenever people said to me that they thought I should wait until my older two were in school before having a third I never thought it sounded like a nice idea. But actually it worked out that way and I’m so glad that it did. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Monicatatie · 27/06/2021 07:31

I have the exact same age gap as you: dc1 and dc3 were nearly 7 and 5 when dc3 was born last September. I found it great. They were both at school so I had all that time alone to spend with my new baby...until the new lockdown in January which was very challenging as I had to homeschool two kids plus look after a newborn but apart from that it's been great as the older two are a bit more independent and can help a little bit too.

Spongeb0b · 28/06/2021 20:36

Congrats OP! Similar experience to other posters here - I have 3, the youngest is nearly 2 and I have a big gap (8 years and 11) the 8 year old in particular dotes on the little one and is a brilliant help. I found going from 2-3 with a big gap a lot easier than 1-2 with a smaller one

willowtree81 · 02/07/2021 01:41

No I honestly don't think it will be anywhere near as hard- at least in theory! We have three with 4.5 years between each, ie oldest was 9 when youngest was born, it was great for us in so many ways. (Eg. Time to focus on the baby like a first child each time) My friend had 2 with exactly a 2 year gap and honestly it looked like a nightmare.

The bigger gap worked for us because there was almost no competition when the baby was born (as they've got older that has def kicked in sadly 🙄) but the baby / toddler phase was always good with the bigger gap. I know every experience is different and of course with gaps so much is down to luck and then the personalities of the kids, but I reckon you'll be fine- the hardest hit is probably behind you. Congratulations on the pregnancy! ♥️

Wimpund21 · 02/07/2021 01:45

My oldest were 9 and 7 when dc3 was born.

It was much MUCH easier than when we had dc2 and dc1 was a toddler.

freezerdinners · 02/07/2021 06:22

I have three with the exact same gaps as you @Mamabearwhere. It is SO much easier than having a 2 year old and a newborn. As others have said - days at school for the big ones, no perceived competition, baby is a welcome distraction for the older two at times, plus they are able to help out a bit. I did have some PND (and posted on mumsnet about it), but that was not to do with the difficulties of 3 if you.see what I mean.

MuslinsRLife · 05/07/2021 13:52

My eldest two had a 22 month gap & I found it so, so hard. It nearly broke me.
I then had a 3.5 year gap & it’s a breeze! So much easier with them at school. I’m sure 5 years will be easier, definitely than 2 years. You’ll be absolutely fine

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